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I feel like a heel...need advice (Long...sorry)

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Prime Mover, Apr 17, 2004.

  1. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    I work for a company that basically treats their temps like crap. Well, my friend, (I acquired a friendship when she started) is going to be fired on the 15th of next month. I have only just found out and didn't want to tell her at work, I knew she was going out tonight, so I didn't want to ruin her eveing. I had every intention of telling her on Sunday. Why not Sat? Because I am throwing my daughter a birthday party and I didn't want to spoil it. Back to the subject...She is a great friend, but sucks as an employee. She is insubordanate (sp?) to the directors treats customers and other co-workers like crap. She is constantly on the phone with her boyfriend, cussing in the front area that sort of thing. I had warned her around Christmas time that they were thinking about letting her go if she didn't change her attitude. I was willing to help her out and make her more professional...that worked all but a week. So in a way, I did warn her....Anywho, Thursday night, I confided in a mutual friend (male) and let him know what was going on. I specifically told him not to tell her. I didn't let him know that I was going to tell her, I wanted to see if I could trust him as much as he trusted me...WRONG.

    So now she knows, he told her while they were out tonight. She calls me up and started yelling at me, telling me that I am not a good friend and all that jazz. I repeatedly told her that I was going to tell her and the reasons why I didn't right away. FWI, she flies off the handle for the dumbest things. I expressed that to her...she tried to deny it.

    I feel awful, and I want to make it up to her, but I fear that I ruined a pretty good friendship...so, any TBer's out there with some sort advice, please help me.

    Did I mention that if I told her, I could be fired?
  2. Tsal


    Jan 28, 2000
    Finland, EU
    Well, if it wasn't your decision to fire her, then you're not responsible.

    And of course her response in the phone could be one of frustration and she just needed someone to snap at, especially if it was late at night and she had got a couple of drinks. She might be sorry for the whole thing at the moment.

    Why not call her and ask her to meet you somewhere to talk things through - should she be a friend, she would agree to that, me thinks.
  3. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    Can't do it today, however, I do plan on talking to her about it on Sunday. Hell, this may be a blessing in disguise. She is only 21, I will help her find another job with the hours she needs. She works from 12 noon to 9pm @ night. She needs an 8 to 5 job, that way she can have a life.

    Her understanding? I don't think so. She is a 21 year old from Australia. Everything she does, being rude, arguing for no reason at all, drama, she blames on her heritage. She is even rude to her boyfriends mother and talks to her like she is nothing....Not the point. I guess what I am trying to get at is, if she refuses to forgive me, that is her decision. She shouldn't blame me, she should blame herself for not listening to me in the first place.

    Whatever, thanks for the advice.
  4. Wow. Sounds like a mega-biatch. Your other friend sounds like a real nice guy also. Man, sounds like you're getting walked on by your friends, and they don't have respect for you (or others). If it was me, a drift away is in order. Don't make to many efforts to rectify the situation, and see if you get a couple appologies that are (sorely) needed.

    You did just fine. Stop worrying about people that don't give you the respect a friend deserves.
  5. Mike N

    Mike N Missing the old TB Supporting Member

    Jan 28, 2001
    Spencerport, New York
    It sounds to me like her general attitude is to blame. I'm sorry you may lose a friend over all of this, but dont blame yourself for any of it. This may be the reality check she needs.
  6. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
  7. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    Not only does she not sound like a good friend, she sounds like an ******* and a hothead and she's getting what she deserves. You were nice enough to warn her about her attitude and she did nothing to change it. My advice is, let her take her firing like a man and sever all ties with her.

    You may also want to reconsider your relationship with the company mouth as well.

    Good luck, bro.
  8. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Sounds like you did everything right, and aren't to blame for any of it. The same attitude that got her fired is the same attitude she's pulling on you to make you feel guilty. You can find better friends than this.
  9. +1, or 2
  10. raycer


    Mar 22, 2004
    Orange County, NY

    I agree. I don't think you did anything wrong. She's the one that should apologize to you for talking to you that way.

    As for your other friend, I'd give him a piece of my mind as well, or fist ;)
  11. Trevorus


    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    you did the right thing, man. She deserves to be fired, and she doesn't have the right to treat people the way she does. You know she'd be angry if YOU treated her that way, so don't worry too much about it. Let her go her own way, and you can just live your life without that complication.
  12. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    I think your big mistake was telling your friend. It just wasn't any of his business to begin with.

    brad cook
  13. I agree with Kaz and Mike N. She sounds like a total BEE-ATCH, and her general attitude is to blame. And for future reference purposes only, I would rent the movie Office Space to see what she could do... *insert Milton reference here*
  14. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Mike N goes to 11 !
  15. But then why doesn't Mike N just make 10 louder than it already is?
  16. Melf


    Mar 20, 2003
    Starkville, MS
    If she's not a good worker then she deserves to get fired. For that matter it doesn't sound like she deserves to be your friend.
  17. rllefebv


    Oct 17, 2000
    Newberg, Oregon
    I know that I'm going to get hammered here, but if you knew that A) The information was confidential and B) You could be fired for telling, then IMO you should have not said anything to anybody. I deal with confidential employee information on a daily basis, this type as well as payroll, insurance, disciplinary, etc. and there are reasons for the confidentiality... What could be gained by letting her know beforehand? Your post sounds as if the decision had already been made and nothing would have an effect on the outcome...

    When I'm in a situation where information that I possess relates to a personal friend, (whether or not I can change any outcomes, usually not), I hold my tongue... Those of my friends that know and understand my priorities, my true friends, know that providing for my family comes way before any friendship and are cool with that. If they're not, then I don't have the time to work through those issues... Sayonara... Harsh as that sounds, it's a reality in today's job market.

    Right now, you find yourself in a situation where someone is pissed at you for possessing confidential information that you had no hand in deciding, were supposed to keep confidential as a condition of employment, and weren't the first to tell her??? See ya later sister... Your buddy who spilled information that he shouldn't have had in the first place?? Granted, he should have held his tongue, but where did he come across this info??

    Believe me, I have had to sweat through a few of these scenarios where it is my own big mouth that is my worst enemy... Luckily, I was able to weather them and hold my job... after the third or fourth time, I wised up, stopped blabbing, and started sleeping better... Maybe after my kids are through college and I have a few less folks dependant on me I'll loosen up again, but for right now, I'll try to control my own destiny as much as I possibly can while not self-employed.

    Good luck... I really hope things turn out.

  18. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    No reason for anyone to hammer you. I honestly have never been in a position like this, I also thought I trusted this friend (by the way, he does not work with me). I have learned my lesson, and I should have kept my mouth shut.
  19. pkr2


    Apr 28, 2000
    coastal N.C.

  20. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    Update, Co-worker and I are cool. She understood where I was coming from, and it turns out, this mutual "friend" has blown things way out of proportion. So.....Needless to say, it was a stressful weekend and Monday, but I think I got over the hurtle....Thanks guys for your support and advice...and I did learn a lesson....Hell, why do I feel like I am back in high school? :crying: :meh: