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I feel like I'm losing it!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Valiant Bandit, May 19, 2011.

  1. I feel like randomly opening up myself to a bunch of people I've never met in a bass forum since my anxiety is going haywire.

    I used to be a very successful Jaguar Technician and I was averaging about $70,000 a year. Of course I spent over 3/4 of that 70 grand on drugs and alcohol.:scowl: I went from making $8 an hour at age 18 to $70,000 at age 23. To say I learned the ropes quickly is an understatement.

    Anyways once I sobered up, my body really started to deteriorate. I noticed my fingers were not as quick moving in the cold New England winter and soon I was barely able to walk. Thus I had to climb my 13 stairs worth of solid wood staircase with my arms to go to my bedroom. Needless to say, I had to retire from working on cars at the old age of 25. Now I can't have my hands exposed to high impacts, I can't lift anything heavy and I'm in agony 24/7. Ah the joys of having severe fibromyalgia.

    However I would've never met my wife if I wasn't in this condition I am now and to be completely honest, I wouldn't trade any bit of it because then I never would've met my wife.:rolleyes:

    I moved out to Nevada to be in the warm weather since my body hurts less when it's not 20 friggin degrees out! I try not to let the fact I work at freakin K - Mart get the best of me, but I think what's happened to me in the past week has really gotten to me.

    My car needs a new freeze plug because anti-freeze is starting to generously leak from that area. *Chuckle* Well if I worked at a decent paying job, fixing this car would be no problem. But nope, I make $200 a week so now I'm forced to sell the car that my wife and I had pictures taken of us in at our wedding...The car we went on our honeymoon with...Spent some of the best days of our life in - Because I don't make enough money to fix it. If I wasn't sentimental this wouldn't be a problem, but I'm extremely sentimental and this problem is a real shot to my pride.:bawl: Yeah really, it does tear me up and I'm not afraid to admit it.

    So I've been kicking around a few ideas...I've really had it working here. I used to love fixing up Apple laptops and selling them for a nice profit and it got me thinking.."If I could make $200 a week fixing up these laptops and selling them, then why even bother working here!!?!"

    My other idea is to drive taxis in Las Vegas..However I don't know how much those drivers make a year, plus you're not just going to start out driving a taxi on the strip, and you have to work 12 hour days - either 4AM-4PM or 8PM - 8AM...Yeah well, I can't be sitting like that for 12 hours because of my P.O.S. body...

    Ugh, I'm sorry this is so long,emo and whiny but I needed to get that off my chest!
  2. fmoore200


    Mar 22, 2011
    While I don't know your exact situation, I have felt frustrated at my lot in life, so you are not alone. I used to feel that every decision that I made, even if technically 'wrong,' would turn out positivly. A few years back my luck ran out.

    I was born and raised in NYC and knew nothing else. I met my wife and we visited her family in Puerto Rico. I loved it over there so much that I decided to move my whole family over there. After saving for over a year, we moved all of our possessions, including a car, to a house we were building. Long story short, the economy in PR is in the tank, and after 8 months and all our savings gone we still had no work.

    I had to come crawling back to my old job, get the crappiest work, bust my @** 7 days a week for about 3 months for the crappy place where we live now (crappy compared to where we lived in PR and our place before moving), and we are out over 20k...

    Things started really weighing on me, but I found a new job, got back into the gym and have tried to look at things more positively. It has been working, too. So keep your head up and try to do the right thing, whatever that may be. Every dog has his day..
  3. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    You have a job, a wife, and a measure of health. Focus on what's right and you won't have time to focus on what's wrong. I know, easier said than done. But keep trying.

  4. sandmangeck


    Jul 2, 2007
    I stopped reading after Fibromyalgia. ;)
  5. Thanks guys I appreciate it!

    I was so sentimental about the car...Keyword "So"

    The damned car decided not to start when I tried to get home from work.
    What makes it worse?
    My wife got sick on her way home from work and there's throw up all in her car....So she had to drive her car - with throw up all inside of it - to come pick me up.

    Oh dude I am SO ready to sell this car!
  6. Big_Daddy


    Nov 24, 2010
    Central Alberta
    Hey, at least the rapture is in a few days. So long worries!

    In all seriousness, I know it's easier said then done (especially when it's coming from an 18 year old), but hang in there. Something good is bound to happen.
  7. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    My knee hurts and my shoulder hurts. Not bad for 62 then, huh?
  8. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    I cant offer any advice on your car, as I am not a sentimental person, and practice nonattachment as much as possible, especially in regards to material objects. In other words, its just a car. Though you may have fond memories attached to the car, remember that its the memories itself that have meaning, not the car.

    Like Mike said, focus on the positive, be sure youre doing something positive to make you and yours happy.
  9. The glass is half full not haf empty my friend.

    As for the car , lose it. Being a student i own a different 500$ car every few months an drive 1500 miles a month, when a car develops a problem I cant fix i sell it at what i paid or more, i dont like to loose money and if your not sentimental usually you wont. Anyways If you think it ill fetch a good price , sell it and get a cheap beater.
  10. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Never get sentimental about a car. They eventually let you down. As a tech, especially as a tech for Jag's, you should know that. I would focus on your health. Taxi Drivers need to buy a license (I think it's called a medal, or a coin, or something like that, but it's kind of like a liquor license but for taxi drivers driving taxi's) It takes years to own your own license, because they cost a lot of money, and there's a limited number of them. That's why they all work for bigger companies that own them. Perhaps you could open your own mechanic shop and work as manager with other mechanics and techs working for you. That way you're still applying your skill, but you're not actually using your body.
  11. There once was a man who cried that he had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet.
  12. EBodious


    Aug 2, 2006
    hang in there. i think this is a real good idea. it was your brain that got you to go from $8/hr to $70K/yr

    btw, i did not have to go thru a big licensing deal to get a cabbie license when i was a driver in the 80's. i just filled out some forms. this was in new york; could vary by state.
  13. Please take it one day at a time. In the tough spots we just need to find the next right or necessary thing to do and do that one thing. Over time we make progress.

    Actually the thing that is commonly called Fibromyalgia is frequently really a chronic inflammatory response syndrome caused by long term activation of certain portions of the innate immune response.

    This illness can be screened for with tests from certified labs like Quest and Labcorp and the illness has a standard icd9 diagnostic code. It can start a number of ways but they all lead to common final pathway *that can be characterized with objective measurable parameters from reliable labs*. These same labs can be used to monitor treatment.

    The difference between the labs of cases and controls jumps off the page as there is a huge difference in the test results. It is not something subtle and the case definition is based on these labs and not on subjective symptoms. Symptoms only tell that an individual should be screened.

    Too many doctors, sadly most today, are still using the old definition *guessing* by basing their diagnosis on the subjective instead of being educated on the science which has come a long way in the past decade.

    Remember that people with MS were once said to have Hysterical Paralysis. Look at the history of Tuberculosis. Remember when ulcers were supposed to be caused by stress and not a bacterial infection? Something can be misunderstood and still be very real.

    OP - PM me if you are interested in being screened. The first stage of screening is a couple of simple tests.

  14. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    TBH, I got this information from a cabbie in Atlanta on a long ride to the airport. It could vary from state to state.
  15. sandmangeck


    Jul 2, 2007
    I would rather give sponge baths then drive a cab
  16. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    "I'm losing it" - George Costanza
  17. I absolutely love this quote. Do you mind if I put it in my signature?
  18. baalroo


    Mar 24, 2008
    Wichita, KS
    first world problems
  19. Thanks for the concern man, I really appreciate it!
    I actually got tested almost 2 years ago now....I got tested for EVERYTHING such as Lyme Disease, Hepatitis C, you name it, I got tested for it...All came back negative..I had 11 Vials of blood removed and I'll never forget it because I'm petrified of needles.
    I was then referred to a rheumatologist who then did more tests and then determined I had fibromyalgia.

    So I'm a fibromyalgia ridden, aspergian lefty lol.

    My favourite quote of all time comes from the last Rocky movie:

    "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"

    ...Absolutely amazing line.
    But sometimes the hits really hurt but I get back up, dust myself off and limp forward. I know I still have it better than billions of people in the world, but it helps sometimes to just vent and get whatever is bothering me off my chest!
  20. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike Supporting Member

    Nov 18, 2005
    I don't understand the context of this post ???

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