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I feel silly about this.

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Skeevenmac, Aug 20, 2012.

  1. Skeevenmac


    Jan 27, 2008
    Knoxville, TN
    I've been in tons of bands, mostly as a hired gun, but this was the first one that I sang quite a bit of lead on and I that I really put myself out there with. We had a little notoriety, but not much. I really loved this band and the guys that were in it.

    Last week we broke up. There was some drama that I won't go into, but the problem is that I'm not dealing with it.

    Part of me says "It's just a band, you've been in tons of bands! Plus, you were wanting to focus on writing." Then there is the part that is really hurting, but is too embarrassed about it to say. (Hence the anonymity of the interwebs)

    Any advice?:oops:
  2. Slowgypsy

    Slowgypsy 4 Fretless Strings

    Dec 12, 2006
    NY & MA
    Write a song about it. :bassist:
  3. If you want to keep our interest, tell more of the embarrassing stuff. :)
  4. I hear ya. Like a great relationship that ended, the sadness will pass and you'll be up and jammin' happily soon
  5. stingray96191


    Jul 27, 2001
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Unofficially Endorsing Ernie Ball Music Man Guitars
    I got dumped by my band about 4 years ago. It felt like I had been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends at once. I was mad at them for a long time, until I realized they had done me a favor. I went off and started a new band, and rock the crap harder than the last band did. You are allowed to be sad. Just keep on rocking.
  6. klokker


    Jan 7, 2009
    Steele City, NE
    Sadness rocks. It's how you finish things. A new chapter awaits.
  7. well had a bit more musical ownership cause you stepped into lead vox role, not just standing back behind the gui****....

    keep stepping into the lead vox role and create something out of the fallen bits of this band
  8. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    Cali Intergalactic Mind Space - always on the edge
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
  9. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    Anytime I have a break up with a girlfriend or my band breaks up or I leave, I always feel incredibly liberated - I realize that the world's my oyster and now I'm free to pursue another interesting relationship or play music in another interesting project.
  10. Skeevenmac


    Jan 27, 2008
    Knoxville, TN
    There isn't much to tell.

    The drummer, one of my best friends, decided had an idea about hiring a singer for our trio's side project. The guitar player does all of the singing in that one and got mad. Understandable, but it would help to fill out the instrumentation and he is also a little pitchy.

    The guitar player texted me saying he decided to pull out of the side project after a full night of the drama. One of them would call me to tell me some distorted version of what the other said to him, even though I had just gotten off the phone with the other.

    I waited a full day and decided that our band (trio) wouldn't be much fun with the two of them fighting and I broke up the trio.

    In my mind I was pretty much backed into a corner and loved that band so much that I didn't want to let it just dangle in the wind, so I pulled the plug. Regardless of doing that myself, I still blame both of them for them whole thing and am just going back and forth between being hurt and being angry.

    I don't think the band is ruled out in the future completely, but there is going to be a HUGE hiatus. HUUUUGE hiatus. And it might be quite awhile before I'm ready to talk to either of them. Am I just being a drama ball? What do you all think?

    Besides, I keep telling myself, I'm more into writing novels and short stories now.

    Thanks for that link, Stumbo! That helped alot!
  11. bassinplace


    Dec 1, 2008
    If things aren't functioning then it's good to take a step back. Gain some perspective and see what you want to do next.
  12. My last band was awesome. We got along well, wrote songs together well, gelled together, all hung out for hours.

    Then crazy stuff started happening. You can read about it in the thread "Bizznitches is Crazy". I'll search it in a second and post it.

    But I still mis that band. I'm with none of the guys that were in it. But even though I'm almost done putting a new band together, it's not the same. I don't understand why people had to be so stupid and drama filled... we had a good thing going.

    I still keep myself awake some nights wondering if I'll ever have a project as fulfilling as that.
  13. bassinplace


    Dec 1, 2008
    Yeah the last serious project I was in I guess I was the default "band leader". Although the project was hella fun, I also felt like I was left to shoulder too much of the responsibility and after a while I quit. Caused the band to end. I was genuinely surprised at how much I missed it. Like my brothers all moved away. I look back on it now it's just another lesson learned. Life goes on.
  14. Skeevenmac


    Jan 27, 2008
    Knoxville, TN
    Dude, that's crazy!!
  15. Corbeau


    Dec 14, 2011
    I think when you are in a band for a while, it becomes a pretty intense relationship. You're basically spending a lot of time with a bunch of people. So when a band breaks up, it can be pretty hard.
  16. Crazy as all get out. But I'll be damned if I don't miss it.

    I found a guitarist/singer, and there's something about it that gives me hope. We're all young (I turn 17 tomorrow, he's 17, guitarist is 15) but he's got a ton of youthful energy and I can tell he wants to express himself. Not much of a business type of person, but I can do that. I'm finally excited to be back in a true artistic endeavor instead of auditioning for a half dozen bands that don't go anywhere.

    Getting back in another passionate situation is what makes me feel better. Like when I had to get rid of my Jack Russel that I'd had for 4 years because of behavioral issues. My parents went to the local animal shelter and picked out a gorgeous Shepherd/coonhound mix.

    Your last band was the Jack Russel. Hopefully you find a new one.
  17. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    In the nineties, I was in a band with a guy who I thought of as my best friend, or maybe one of my best friends. We wrote songs together, and thought we were the next Lennon & McCartney, so no matter who wrote what, we credited every song to both of us, and copyrighted them that way.

    My girlfriend was in the band, and the band was mad at her for various reasons, and they were also mad at me, and we got a new drummer, and he thought I couldn't hear him when I was in a different part of the jam house, when he SCREAMED at her in a threatening and abusive manner.

    I COULD hear him, because of vents, (no one ever considers the vents,) and I came rushing downstairs to see if my best friend and his brother were going to tell him to back off, and instead they were both basically following up his nastiness with "YEAH!"

    So I told my girlfriend to go wait in the car, and after she went out, I told the guys, "hey, don't worry about any of this; it will all be cool."

    We had a financial manager, and he owned basically ALL our gear, even these guys' instruments and amps. (bums!) I told him the deal, and I told him he was to pull all funding, repossess everything, (he had a crew that no one would screw with, believe me,) and for three weeks I made excuses why I couldn't come to practice, while they practiced songs I sang lead vocal on, and were primarily written by me; songs I KNEW they were practicing their asses off on, that I KNEW they would NEVER play out live to any audience.

    I relished this torture, and I filed some trademark rights to the band name, and when I pulled the plug, we had gigs scheduled, and they were screwed HARD. They changed the band name, brought in some new people, and limply attempted to go on, but it didn't last. I screwed them as bad as I possibly could, and I relished doing so, and I still don't regret it to this day.

    Over time, they admitted that my girlfriend didn't deserve the abuse the threw at her; they really wanted to lash out at me, but didn't have the guts. My friend from the band and I are tentative friends again, all these years later. We'll never be close like we were, but I don't know that I'll ever be close with ANYONE like we were back then. I think he forgave me, and for the most part I forgave him, but people were surprised, and said, "you chose your GIRLFRIEND over your BAND MATES?" and I explained that not only did my band mates not sleep with me, but they were jerks, and I'd had enough of their crap anyway.

    Why am I telling you this?

    Just in case it makes you feel better. That was one rough breakup, and it felt like a death for years. That was the death of my DREAMS. I had been working on that project for a decade, and just like that, it was OVER.

    I took a few years off, and somebody talked me into playing in this cover band.

    I am not a proficient songwriter anymore.

    In those days, I wrote over 300 songs in only a few years. In the past 10 years, I have written maybe 4 or 5, and I don't much care about any of them.

    I am no longer the wild-eyed, innocent dreamer I once was.

    Too bad, right?
  18. bassinplace


    Dec 1, 2008
    Life happens. You just pick yourself and keep plugging away. Or not. Gotta go through the crap to get the good stuff though. That's just the way it works.

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