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I go to their gigs but they won't come to my gigs.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Axtman, Feb 24, 2020.

  1. Axtman

    Axtman Supporting Member

    Mar 3, 2008
    Seattle, Washington
    I have a few friends that I support by going to their gigs but never return the favor of coming to my gigs. It's not that I am keeping score but when they never go to my gigs and I have been to many of their gigs, that I feel this is unfair. What says you?
    Kmonk and Garret Graves like this.
  2. Have you talked to your friends about this?
  3. Spidey2112


    Aug 3, 2016
    See if things change, when you wear a disguise to their gigs... mix it up, a bit.
    2112, EatS1stBassist, JRA and 4 others like this.
  4. Axtman

    Axtman Supporting Member

    Mar 3, 2008
    Seattle, Washington
    Genius idea! I'll go as Abraham Lincoln!
  5. Spidey2112


    Aug 3, 2016
    My man.

    Are you absolutely sure they're not coming to your gigs?

    Be honest, Abe.
  6. Axtman, I'm serious about talking to your friends. Who knows, they may not even feel you're doing them a favour. Why do you see it as a favour?
    Conkal, Rabidhamster and Element Zero like this.
  7. DWBass

    DWBass The Funkfather Supporting Member

    I'm in 2 bands. The members of the second band have never come to see me play with the first band. I don't bother inviting them anymore.
    Sav'nBass, murphy, BassGuyFL and 3 others like this.
  8. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown Supporting Member

    Feb 16, 2011
    About the only time i go see a local band with members i know personally is if they invite me out. In my entire life i’ve invited maybe 3 people to come see a band i’m in.
    murphy, tradernick and Spidey2112 like this.
  9. This is one of the things that has changed a lot since the days when I was playing out a lot and making my living in music. Used to be that we were all always working on weekends and no one ever got to see anyone else play because all of us were working. Somehow in the intervening decades the idea has come about that the music scene needs to be self-supporting, and that we're not doing our part as musicians if we don't also go out and plant our butts on barstools every Friday and Saturday night.

    But nobody has any obligation to anyone else, and what I do with my free time is nobody's business. When I go out to support a friend's band, I do it because I want to hear the music, I want to see them play, and I want an opportunity to network. Networking in the scene goes hand in hand with being supportive, but it's something you do for yourself. I very much appreciate it when other musicians come out to see my band, but I don't expect it. Why does "the scene" expect that those who are least equipped to spend money sitting in bars all night should be the ones coming out, paying cover charges, buying drinks, and making it all happen?

    If my friends (musical or not) come out to see me, I make sure they know I am grateful for their effort to make it out. It's not an easy thing in today's world for anyone to peel their eyes away from endless in-home entertainment options to go out to see a band. So I appreciate the effort they make, but I don't expect it of anyone. It's like anything else. If I lower my expectations, I can continue to be pleasantly surprised when good things happen.
  10. RustyAxe


    Jul 8, 2008
    No one is under obligation to attend. Including you. I don’t even mention upcoming gigs (BL does the promo). Once in a while I go see a friend’s band, if they’re playing what I like to hear, and not playing in some rat hole.
    lfmn16, equill, Rayjay and 5 others like this.
  11. Nashrakh


    Aug 16, 2008
    Hamburg, Germany
    I'm on the opposite side of the fence. Fellow musicians come see me often, but I'm a notorious man cave dweller that never goes out for live music myself.

    And I feel bad about it.
  12. I used to be that way too, but it dawned on me that returning the favor in our smaller cities area around here was noticed.

    But that being said, I only go to see select bands/groups, I stringently avoid the arrogant people that I've id'd over time. I don't care if you come to see our band, if criticism is all you have to hand out I'd prefer you weren't there.
    Nevada Pete and Pedulla-Player like this.
  13. You shouldn't. I know it's shocking, but introverts are entitled to be who they are.
    BLDavis, droo46, browndog and 21 others like this.
  14. Yep which is why I say that "being seen" is really about networking and it's something we do for ourselves. It will come across as you being supportive, though.
  15. marko138


    May 24, 2013
    Perry County PA
    I usually only go to local shows to support the folks that have supported me in the past, and those that continue to do so in my new band. Same thing on social media. Help a brother out.
    bolophonic likes this.
  16. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    I see your point. But all you can change is you.

    From now on, only go see bands you want to see, or bamds with crowds that present networking opportunities for you (as @LBS-bass said). That way you don't get let down. Go out for you. Expect the same from others.
  17. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    Keep safe my TB brethren!
    Song Surgeon slow downer.
    Get new friends.

    Friends reciprocate. Friends show compassion, empathy, concern.

    Don't work harder than them.
  18. kirkplunkett


    Aug 2, 2018
    I've heard many musicians voice their displeasure about similar scenarios for nearly 30 years. I've never once decided to go to some one's show because they wanted me to.... Nor would I expect them to support me because I want them to.

    The way I see it.... I'm supporting the scene because the scene is what supports me. I pick and choose who to see and when. If and when friends and associates show up to my gigs, I will greet them with open arms. That aside, I support the scene.... my friends just so happen to be a part of that scene.
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2020
    chuck3 and Runnerman like this.
  19. MCS4


    Sep 26, 2012
    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    Are they actual "friends" -- like people you want to hang out with regardless of whether someone has a gig -- or are they just people from the local music scene that you are friendly with?

    If they are actually your friends, let them know that you would appreciate it if they came to more of your gigs. The fact that you go to their gigs is irrelevant.

    If they aren't actually your friends, then I wouldn't bring it up. While in an ideal world we would all help each other out by going to one another's gigs, it isn't an obligation and shouldn't feel like one. However, it is fair for you to consider whether you really want to keep going to their gigs to support the scene, even if they are not good friends of yours and are not reciprocating... particularly if you aren't going to the gigs primarily because you enjoy their music.
    Kevan Campbell and Element Zero like this.
  20. Sitting in while attending muso mates' gigs (and verse - visa) has worked out somewhat for us.

    A simple "You might want to hire them" to management has opened doors both ways.... However, time off is earned and should be spent as one sees fit.

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