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I hate audiences

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by JimmyM, May 3, 2010.

  1. JimmyM

    JimmyM Supporting Member

    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    yesterday my oldies band did a sit-down acoustic show, "unplugged" if you will. it was going good until we got to "that's all right, mama." we had a little joke planned for that spot. the guitarist kicked it off, the other guys got the audience to start clapping along, then i started yelling, "hold it, stop!" then i looked at the audience and said, "i'm sorry folks, but when you clap along like that it really throws me off."

    immediately they stopped making any noise at all, except i could hear one woman say, "oh." they really didn't want to throw me when trying to sing a fast rockabilly party song that's good for clapping along.

    i have played in front of these people for years. most of them i know at least a little. we have been doing clap-alongs and sing-alongs for years. yet they took me dead seriously when i said that. at first, my thoughts were that they were dumb for not getting it, but here's the real truth:

    they think I'M dumb!

    i think it's time to bail on this music crap. i used to like the audience. now i hate them.
  2. Mortiis

    Mortiis Banned

    Apr 24, 2010
    I'd hardly blame the audience for your bad jokes ;)
  3. bongomania

    bongomania Gold Supporting Member Commercial User

    Oct 17, 2005
    PDX, OR
    owner, OVNIFX and OVNILabs
    Instead of bailing on music, now it the time to take your revenge on the audience! Start playing hours-long minimalist pieces, or play random notes with a hairbrush like Henry Kaiser, or play "air bass" while a Diamanda Galas CD plays through the PA.
  4. I know how you feel, James. :crying:

    Sometimes my jokes don't work either. It all depends on the IQ of your audience, and if they are dullards, then be very careful.

    There may be a beer consumption quotient involved too.

    Bright people on the other hand will get the joke and play along with it. It's in their eyes I think - look for a sparkle and shine.

    Just keep this in your mind: "It's really hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys."

    Gobble-gobble. :D
  5. BassyBill

    BassyBill The smooth moderator... Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Midlands UK
    It was a musicians' joke, and therefore beyond the punters' comprehension.

    First rule of showbiz: never overestimate the intelligence of your audience. :D
  6. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    Doesn't seem like much of a "joke" to me. Since no one laughed or got it, your sense of humor appears to different than most people. I guess being a comedian is a lot tougher than it looks. :)

    Why would you turn to "hate" when someone doesn't get your joke? Unless that's a joke too.:D
  7. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Seems to me like YOU failed. People generally want the show to go well, so if you ask them to do something, for the most part (especially on an acoustic set) they're going to be compliant. This is even more true if you know most of these people. So au contraire my friend, it is indeed you who failed not the audience. :)
  8. Passinwind

    Passinwind I know nothing. Commercial User

    Dec 3, 2003
    Columbia River Gorge, WA.
    Owner/Designer &Toaster Tech Passinwind Electronics
    You so Emo Jimmy.

    Phone sex is a growing industry. There are some folks in OT who can get you started.;)
  9. ric stave

    ric stave

    May 6, 2006
    Buffalo, NY

    Looks like THIS audience doesn't get it either.....

  10. MonetBass

    MonetBass ♪ Just listen ♫ Supporting Member

    Sep 15, 2006
    Tulsa, OK
    A simple "Just kidding!" would have solved that. :D
  11. Sandor138


    Jan 16, 2010
    Providence RI
    that's not a joke at all...
  12. I've got your back, James.
  13. bongomania

    bongomania Gold Supporting Member Commercial User

    Oct 17, 2005
    PDX, OR
    owner, OVNIFX and OVNILabs
    My old band used to do a gag version of the Muppets' "Manamana" song; we'd start off square and normal, and at the bridge the baritone sax player would start to go farther and farther "out" until after a couple bars he was just blasting out-of-control skronks and squeals, while the rest of the band stopped playing and looked on in horror. We'd wave and yell to get his attention, shouting things like "What is wrong with you, man?" He'd stop and look around, embarrassed, and before anybody could think too much about what just happened, we'd start back in with the tune from the top, square and normal.

    Then at the bridge... :D :p We would do the same thing over again. We'd do it as many times in a row as we had time to fill (while a dancer or other act got their costumes and props ready).

    Usually at the first breakdown the audience would be really uncomfortable and quiet. On the second one, they'd laugh in appreciation. On the third one, they'd laugh louder, and holler along at the sax player. On the fourth one, they'd get uncomfortable and quiet again. Heaven help us if we had to go around a fifth time. :p
  14. JmJ


    Jan 1, 2008
    I did a gig for two nights in a row at a comedy club, playing the comedians on and off the stage. The comics were honing their sets and would do the same routine each night. I noticed some comics routine would work well on night and maybe not so well the second, using the same jokes. The audience usually respects you (I'm sure you can tell if they do or not) and to tell them to "be quiet" can only be taken two ways; "that's funny" or "what a dip***t" . Don't get mad because they chose the wrong option.
  15. john m

    john m Supporting Member

    Jan 15, 2006
    If they clap on the 2 and 4-----I love it.

    If they clap on the 1 and 3----It hurts my soul right down to the bottoms of my feet.
  16. Tommy Smothers always got it on #1, and there wasn't a need for the rest of the numbers.
  17. Jimmy... i think you loose your sense of humor after the age of 80 (not you, the audience) haha.
  18. Rickett Customs

    Rickett Customs

    Jul 30, 2007
    Southern Maryland
    Luthier: Rickett Customs...........www.rickettcustomguitars.com

    Ha! FTW!
  19. csala


    Aug 14, 2005
    Santa Monica, Ca
    Maybe the people in your audience are senile and/or suffer from dementia.
  20. Mr. Mig

    Mr. Mig

    Sep 7, 2008

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