I have a question

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by greenbassfreak, Oct 9, 2003.

  1. First off i understand my parents veiw on this but i want to run it by other people.

    I have alot of friends that are alot older than me and that doesnt bother them until now (im 13 most of them are between18-27). Recently they have been impling that they really dont like one of them. Iv been really close to him for awile. My sister likes him and my parents did they never had a problem before. Earlier I ask them if i could go to a club and they asked what kind and i wasnt sure if it was an under age club or an all age club. They said i could go if it was an under age club but they didnt want me to go if it was an all age because there might be people like "name" there trying to get with 13 year old girls. That really hurt me that they said that about him. I understand why they wouldnt let me go to the all age i dont think i would want to. I just dont know why they would say something like that he has never hit on me or anything like that. I was wondering what anyone else had to say about it.
  2. They are just being protective...maybe a little over protective.

    However,they shouldn't judge your friend like that...especially if they dont got anything to back it up.

    Put yourself in your parent's shoes...would you want your 13 year-old daughter going to an all age club with 18 year old's and such? They don't know what could happen,and what could go on...

    They're just concerned,paranoid,or both...

    Be reasonable about this...
  3. I found out it is an under age club and i try to see there point of veiw but it just hurts for them to talk about a friend that way
  4. Yeah...I know how that feels.

    They're just being over protective.

    I hate when my parents falsely accuse my friends as being a bad influence on me :rolleyes: :meh:
  5. Trevorus


    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    no, osama, you needn't have any bad influences. You have all of us at talk bass. Of course you're a bad influence for all of us....;) :spit: :D
  6. Your parents are playing better safe than sorry - and I can uinderstand where they're coming from! Also, I was once a teenager like yourself and didn't get the big deal, although I did respct their wishes.

    This may be slightly off the mark just now, but in the UK there is a police search ongoing for 2 missing 13 year old girls who were last seen on Monday morning going to school. The way society has gone (well, some parts of it) I can fully understand why your parents are playing 'better safe than sorry'.

    As to your 'friend', you have a group of friends saying things about him, and your parents?? Ever wonder why? Maybe there is more to this friend than meets the eye....just a thought, as there is usually no smoke without fire!
  7. Joe Turski

    Joe Turski

    Jul 29, 2003
    Be glad you have parents who care for you!! Some kids are not as lucky as you are!
    Your parents being over protective is a good thing. You may not understand why just yet, but if you had kids of your own (and maybe you will someday) you would know why!

    The world has many,many crazy people in it! And do some pretty screwed up things to those who are more vulnerable. Always watch your back and keep a good eye on your friends and family.

    Don't become another victim!!!

    Just a little warning from a crazy guy!! :p :)
  8. mikemulcahy


    Jun 13, 2000
    The Abyss
    Call me over protective, but 20+ year olds have no business hanging out with 13 year olds. None what so ever.

  9. ARA punk

    ARA punk

    Jul 11, 2001
    USA, Shelby, NC
    I agree w/ Dr. Mike. GBF, I completly understand how it feels having older friends and parents being nervous about it. However in my case the people are only 3 years or so older than i am.

    Now i don't know your friend, all i can say is that any one who is 20+ and wants to hang out w/ a 13 year old girl has some serious problems.
  10. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    I completely agree.

    Greenbassfreak, while it's probably you can't understand this now, there is a tremendous maturity and life experience difference between a 13 year old and a 27 year old. Just overwhelming. Anytime a 27 year old, or even 18 year old for that matter, is routinely hanging out with 13 year olds, I really have to question that person's place in life.

    Not a healthy situation.
  11. i agree with everyone and with my parents and iv questioned that many times. Whenever i hang out with him was when we were working at the same place and if my sisters with us. The only reason why i dont find it threating to me is he works for the police and my dad has done a background check. I know that it doesnt prove anything. The other thing is that my sister hasnt said anything like that and if she would have noticed that she didnt like she would have told me and she knows him better than i do.
  12. mom and pops are looking out for your best interests, and bottom line, are paranoid your friend is going to hit on you, whether or not he's tried before, and whether or not they tell you.

    i totally understand your situation; i was a very mature 13 year old many moons ago, and never got along with people my age. i always hung out with older people. this was ok, until the day i fell for a 24 year old guy, and boy did things go downhill from there. i never thought there was anything wrong at the time, but in retrospect i see how misguided this guy was, no matter how nice he was.

    bottom line is he introduced me to sex, drugs, and rock'nroll, and while it was all groovy and cool with me then, i see what a bad place i was in, in hindsight, now.

    naturally, mom got wind of the sitch and promptly shipped me off to california to live with my dad. it was a really uncool scene, and one which had a PROFOUND effect on my relationship with my folks. To say they couldn't trust me, and that I resented them, is a huge understatement. we had many, MANY problems as a result of my union with this guy. i insisted on toughing it out with him for YEARS, probably more to spite my parents in the end, than to really ackowledge my love for him.

    i know your folks are looking out for your interest, and i also honestly understand your perspective. i think one way to handle this is to be frank with yourself and with them. tell them (nicely and respectfully) that you feel hurt by their feelings, and that you want to talk to them about it, and want to know what their biggest fear and concerns are. hopefully, you have a cool enough relationship with them that you can broach the subject.

    next, be honest with yourself. ask yourself why you like to hang with this guy. do you feel he understands you better somehow? appreciates you? inspires and motivates you? do you have a secret crush on him yourself? [this is very common].

    if indeed you are having strong feelings toward him, you need to be straight-up with yourself and address it. the reality is that there IS a huge emotional and intellectual [mostly emotional] gap between someone over 10 years your age, and chances are good that his desire to be with you isn't all about brotherly love. sure, it may be innocent, but 13 year old girls today can look very adult, and that can pique the interest of any male, young or old.

    i hate to be the type of person who tells people to don't do this, don't do that -- people need to experience and understand things for themselves -- however, i can tell you that my experience was a very unhealthy one, and took a long time for me to get past. in addition to my own messed-up feelings, i discovered later in life that many people [my age] who really liked me looked down on me and felt sorry for me for hanging out with this guy. they were just too embarassed to say anything about it.

    oish. to be a teen again. i'd love to have the years, but not the angst!

    good luck and let us know what happens.

  13. just to help you understand your parents veiw, as you seem to do, but here it is anyway;

    you have say a puppy, that you love, and you care for him all his life and love to play with him. Fair enough you know where he is all the time.. but if he ran off for 2 days, you would almost expect the worst, right?

    im not an 'ageist', but he really is quit old, more than double your age.
    then again, ive made plenty of friends with people 3 times my age! *shrugs*
  14. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    This individual should be in prison, period.

    Your parents are making the right decision. I know it is hard to see things in the same light at your age, and I always questioned my parents decisions at that age as well.

    I know I am going to sound like an old crow for saying this, but like it or not, you are still very much a child. What seems like the "right thing" for you at the moment, can deeply affect you for the rest of your life. I too question his motives for wanting to hang out with children, this is NOT normal.

    Best of luck with your situation, and I do truly hope you give some consideration to your parents, and those of us on here trying to give you good advice.
  15. thanks guys for letting me know your ppoint of veiw its easier to do something when some but your parents say it.
  16. slick519


    Aug 11, 2001
    Salem, Or
    i think that this is all TERRIBLY interesting. Not only are you seeing the frusterated teenagers side of things, but you are seeing the wisened elders and parents view of things as well.

    What is even cooler is the fact that I am always telling myself, "they know whats best, trust your parents" but i have the little devil on my shoulder telling me how hipocratic and asinine their decisions for me are.

    whateva. I guess my advise is to respect your parents wishes, if not for your saftey, then for the sake of your relationship between you and your parents. Just have to pick your battles!

  17. cheezewiz


    Mar 27, 2002
    My 15 year old daughter, who is two years older than you, will hang out with a 27 year old over my dead body. She will hang out with a 19 year old over my dead body. Your parents love you and want to protect you, appreciate it.:bawl:
  18. Stephen Soto

    Stephen Soto

    Oct 12, 2003
    Between 18 and 27... Damn, your 13!! Chill out, your what, in like 8th grade hanging out with guys in college... Sorry, but i'm with your parents on this one... It's not really that big of a deal is it??
  19. There is this one girl I know that was going out with this one college guy when she was in 8th grade and then one night he got totally wasted and started hitting her and since she was so young and small she couldn't really defend herself and she had bruises all over her arms and back.

    Your parents are just looking out for you, and trust me, you never know what could happen.

    Just be careful and watch yourself. No one wants you to get hurt. ~ Ty
  20. Toasted


    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    im 18... my sister is 13... if one of my friends started taking my sister out, well, it makes my suds rise just to think about it. its not on for you to go out with people that much older than you. you're too young. sorry.