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I have to quit the band.

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Matthew Bryson, Oct 26, 2005.

  1. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    I have to make a call and quit the band today... This is going to be tough. This was going to be my first band. (was my first band?) I've been playing with these guys for a few weeks now. I've only been playing for 5 years and while I've jammed with various people just for kicks, I had yet to join a band. I finally got the chance. My best friend is the band leader. It was a great opportunity, great guys, great music - but I just can't do it. We practice way too far from my home (over 100 miles) and I just can't do it anymore. These guys are better players than me, and the only way I can pull it off is to do a LOT of practicing at home. I thought I could do it - make the big drive on band rehearsal nights and put in my practice time on the other nights - but factor in over-time requirements at my job and there's not enough day's in the week for me. It's just too physically exhausting and hard on my cars to make that drive twice a week and the practice time that is required on the other night to make it all work is leaving me with no time left over for my wife and kids. I thought I would do anything to make this situation work, but I just can't do it. This is very disappointing. This really was a chance to play with great friends who are fantastic musicians. We have great songs and great things could have happened. I could be passing up the opportunity of a lifetime, but I just can't make it work. This just sucks.
    Oh well, work will slow down in the spring and all of this overtime will go away and then I can look for a band in my area that need a bass player. I think even if I don't like the music or the people nearly as much playing reasonably close to home would be really nice. I guess that's the lesson learned.
    Sorry for the huge rant - this is a tough day in my musical life and I just had to vent.
  2. DaftCat


    Jul 26, 2004
    Medicine Hat
    With the amount of spare time it takes as well as the cost of gas, I am sure they will understand your tough decision.

    Hang in there,

  3. Pruitt


    Jun 30, 2005
    Danbury, CT
    Sorry to hear that, Matt! But it does seem like you have your priorities straight (family and work). I have no doubt at all that when you are ready to look again, you'll find something to your liking closer to home. ;)

    Good luck and have fun!! :bassist:
  4. bassbully43


    Jul 1, 2005
    Matt, Sorry you have to make the choice but its the right thing trust me. I just got into playing in a band the first real one the last quaker was in high school 25 years ago. I tryed out for two and took the first one(band) they were not as good as the second and not as cool of guys so i quit after a few weeks and joined band #2 and play for them now. The band i am in now are more experience than me better players but im pretty decent and getting better. I also must practice at home since we only play once a week. I have a new daughter at almost 44 and a wife and stepson...belive me i know the lost time and i told her (wife)i would limit it and the band time as i can. You have no choice your travel time and expense is high and time is golden.I would re-group and look for a local act soon to keep your drive and your chops up. My band is local and all family guys so we know we need to focus on the band when we get together and play. You sound like a good guy or you would'nt of vented here...it sucks to quit but you have alot of out of control problems. Ps ..i know your a good guy cuz your a bass fisherman like me :D My signature has two of my favorite things .... Bass >-->: and Bass O--<
  5. Juniorkimbrough


    Mar 22, 2005
    Mississippi / Memphis, TN
    Endorsing Artist: Lakland Basses
    Sorry to hear that. I'm kinda on the fence about quiting a second band I'm playing with. It turned from being a Southern Rock band into a Jack Johnson/ Counting Crows type pop sounding thing and I'm just not diggin' it. While I do have a little more room to explore with my music I'm just not feeling it. I joined this band because my first band just wasn't gigging enough but now I realize how much I like my original band. Guess the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

    Good luck to you and hopefully you'll find some folks closer to home you can play with.
  6. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member

    uhmm , a few questions from an old hand at this game ....

    1. is there no way practice near your home ?
    { you might look into renting a small storage place to practice ..}

    2. do the others in the band also have to drive that far ?
    { if so , why not car - pool ? }

    3. is this band going to make money in the near future ?
    { if not , then don't sweat it ...}

    4. is this band worth taking precious time away from your
    wife and kids ?
    { let me answer my own question ... NO, it is not !!! }

    i don't mean to sound condesending , and you seem like you want to play music full-time ,
    but a time will come when you will have to make other decisions much more difficult than this one ...

    just my $.02

  7. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    It will work out in the end Matthew. Putting your family ahead of a band is not a bad thing.

    You story makes me feel like a weenie though. I quit a band because the practice spot was about 25 miles from my house, and I thought that was too far to drive. :eek:

  8. Yeah, I could never see driving more than 30 minutes max for a practice. 100 miles one way is nuts, as far as I'm concerned, especially if you work a lot and have a family...

    I would keep looking for a band closer to your home. Something will turn up eventually.
  9. snake


    Jul 21, 2004
    Aurora. CO
    I travel 40 minutes one direction to get to practice. Been doing this for four+ years. It's not a bad ride and I can listen to some of the music I'm going to be playing.
  10. fretlessrock

    fretlessrock Supporting Member

    Aug 8, 2002
    Matt, that is a tough break. A 200 mile roundtrip commute for weekly rehersals is pretty tough. That is a 2 hour drive each way (at least is is here in new england). That would put me in Boston, NYC, Providence, Albany... you get the idea. I spent the past year and a half in a band that was rehearsing 30 miles from me, with an occasional rehearsal at another site even further away. The 30 mile drive was acceptable, the 50 mile drive was a pain (and both became expensive), and if I had to double that drive it would have been a deal-breaker. So if you were wondering if it was just you, it isn't.
  11. RoVaughn


    Oct 8, 2005
    Ive had to give up my first band a couple of months ago too. I got a new job that requires me to be in S.C every week so I couldnt do the weekly shows or rehearsals. It really sucks but the job pays a lot more than my last job so passing on it wasnt even an option. It was a great situation too. Kinda like an Accoustic Rock / pop/ R&B soul type thing. I really hate giving that up. But on the other hand getting this new job allowed me too get my dream bass. A Ken Smith BSR5. Its like a catch 22. One one hand you get your dream bass on the other hand you lose the gig for you to play your dream bass. Its a Cruel cruel world...................
  12. BassGod


    Jan 21, 2004
    Heh, I know what you're going through. I've got a band meeting set up at which we'll discuss the possibility of breaking up, after two years! My best friend is in the band too, which makes it worse. Good luck.

  13. Minger


    Mar 15, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    Dang, 100 miles?

    That sucks man...and I thought goin like 3 miles to my friend's was far...
  14. purfektstranger


    Apr 10, 2003
    I think you made the only choice you could. Your family comes first. I couldn't imagine driving that far to practice, especially after a days work. Keep playing and find some practice guys closer to home.