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I met this awesome girl but...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Psyrcle, Apr 15, 2005.


  1. Psyrcle

    Psyrcle Guest

    Well little backstory first: I was engaged a little over a month ago but she turned into a wicked psycho so I had to leave her and she kinda ruined my perspective on women now.

    Last night I went out with this girl I met at a party. This wasn't any offical date or anything. We went to the park and went on the swings and talked for a while (she says she does this with all her friends) then went to eat and later chill at her friends house. All the while we talked and I think she is barnone the most awesome female I ever met. She likes classic rock and variations of. I love everything from Enya to Slayer to The Beatles to Putrid Pile.

    a few months ago she broke up with her boyfriend who chose her room mate over her. Like I said before we talked, laughed, and shared horror stories from donating plasma. Now I am falling head over heels for her. She is just this big ray of sunshine in my desolate pit of a life. I can live with having her as a friend but I want more. Is there a way to tell her this without scaring her away? :confused:
     
  2. Yes, just think about how to say it without comming on too strong. Be honest because if you don't tell her how you feel it WILL tear you down little by little. I did the same thing with a girl I was friends with and I eventually tried to bottle it in so long I broke down. Considering you only spent one day together I don't think it should be too akward. Just ask her out to go somewhere were it might be 'more then friendly' ie: maybe dinner etc. I'm sure others can offer you much better help but just to get started :)
     
  3. Dr. PhunkyPants

    Dr. PhunkyPants Guest

    Aug 11, 2002
    USA
    What he said. The tendency in coming out of a bad relationship is to get into a new one too quickly and not deal with the aspects of yourself that contributed to the first relationship not working out.

    DON'T rush things. Infatuations are good because they energize you and they help you realize the things that are important to you in relationships. Try to take that information onboard as helpful as you move forward from your earlier disappointment.

    In the end, this woman will find you more attractive if you say (in your own words, obviously) "You are really positive, interesting person and I value that you have a strong sense of who you are what you like. I've been close to people who weren't that way and let me tell you, it was a drag." than if you say "You are big ray of fcking sunshine in my desolate pit of a life."
     
  4. Psyrcle

    Psyrcle Guest

    My x-fiancée asked me out and that was the big reason I dated her. She dug me (why I don't know since we were like oil and water) and I liked her. I was thinking of asking her out but it was the rejection thing that held me back.

    Not only am I afraid she will shy away if I ask her to do anything more than hang out. but it would tear me apart since we click. I never found anyone that I could talk to like her.

    I really wish I was more confident in my ways with women.
     
  5. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    San Antonio
    +1 on not rushing things, especially after you've only been not-engaged for a month. Give yourself time to mend first. I've been there plenty of times where I was hurt by someone, and did the rebound thing, not thinking ahead first, and that relationship turned out worse than the previous one.

    Just take your time, get to know each other, and when the time is right to let her know how you feel, you'll just know. If anything you'll both know without even saying anything.
     
  6. LiquidMidnight

    LiquidMidnight

    Dec 25, 2000
    +1

    Once, I went through a breakup and two weeks later began dating a a new girl. I thought that being with someone else so soon would help me get over my previous relationship. I was dead wrong!!! In a way, it probaly hurt my new girlfriend because it was painfully obvious that I was still very much in love with my ex.
     
  7. Just remember, She's a just WOMAN!!!!!

    She's not the first and won't be the last. I know its nice to have a connection with someone, but take a deep breath, and try to see what it is your really feeling.

    Just a little advice from the perspective of a 42 yr old, who's been around the block a few times. It seems to me that you are desperate to have that "head over heels" feeling, that "Intimate connection", That "boy we are in each others head" ," she's my soul mate" relationship.

    Well all these thing's are great for the movies and for 2-4 months of real life, but the reality sets in and what are you left with. Two probably disfuntional people who need each other to feel complete.

    I recommend working on friendships with your male freinds, father, brothers, pastor, etc. Those are the people that will give you what you really need, companionship, mentoring, connection.

    You see this in almost all older cultures. The older men of the tribe or village, mentoring and raising the younger men. Teaching and passing on knowledge and wisdom, and giving the young men a rite of passage into the adult world. We see very little of this in modern times and it is a big detriment to society.

    It's ok not to be in a relationship for a while and work on your self. Then you can look for a women who you are compatable with. A women who is whole and doesn't "need you" but wants you.


    Good luck :)
     
  8. Psyrcle

    Psyrcle Guest

    The only time I dwelled on us breaking up was the first night I slept alone. I broke down and cried myself to sleep. After that I felt better. I have less restrictions in my life and I don't feel bad about at all. I fell better not having a some leach of a hag demean me and cackle with delight when she screwed me over. I do want to take my time with this however a little part of me is saying that I should do it now or never do it. I really wish I knew what she thought of me.
     
  9. Psyrcle

    Psyrcle Guest

    Hey FenderBender, not to be mean or anything but...are you gay? Being confiding in men only makes me more comfortable with them. I am more than happy with my relationships with my family and friends.

    I don't desperatly want to be head over heels for her. I never was for my x. She was was just there and made me happy. But I never felt this way about anyone else.
     
  10. It's worse to fear rejection then to actually be rejected. After time rejection goes away.

    I might just be 18 but I know about fearing rejection as also you. I don't know why but I feel like a 25 year old in a 18 year olds body sometimes when it comes to romance and relationships.

    Just take some time to think, but don't over think, I find that to be painful when you go past "what if she says yes", and you start thinking too far ahead. Just give it some time. I suggest don't get TOO friendly with her where a relationship or dating wouldn't be possible for that it would be too akward.

    If you just want to talk about this whenever you can find me on AIM at fear defeats man. Talking to other people besides yourself helps :)
     
  11. jazzbo

    jazzbo

    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    Psyrcle,

    I don't know you from Adam, but it seems to me like you have to work on yourself before trying to become committed to another person. And please don't take this as a knock against you, this is something we all have to do. I wonder if you're ready for a relationship. Looking for others to validate or complete us is never going to work. We have to be comfortable in our own skin, or a relationship with another is doomed to fail. Say what you will, but it honestly doesn't sound like you are comfortable with yourself right now. In my opinion, (since you did ask for it), I would suggest taking some time to yourself, at least 6 months to a year. Date a little, sure, but don't go into things expecting a relationship. Spend the time getting comfortable with who you are, what you're about, the things you're passionate for. When you do that, you'll exude the self-confidence that will attract people to you, including women, and you won't have to worry about scaring them off.
     
  12. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    San Antonio
    +1

    I'm getting married in October, and we're moving into our first house in 2 weeks. I'm thrilled with the direction I'm headed in now, but this morning I was just thinking about all the time I wasted in bad relationships and how many opportunities I missed out on to be happier in other ways. I love my fiance with everything I have, but in some ways I wish I had held on to what being single had to offer instead of moping about it and jumping into one bad relationship after another in some attempt to be happy, when I was really just hurting myself more emotionally.
     
  13. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    Meet her parents, get to know some more of her friends. Do that before you decide to committ to her.

    -Mike
     
  14. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    San Antonio
    +1 again. I don't know about you, but for me, the girl's family/friends was important. I went out with far too many people who came from broken homes, and some who's family didn't like me because of my disability (..yea I know..) Anyway, I realized that I didn't want any part of that. If something like being with someone who's family and friends who can accept you, and you can be a part of their family and social circle, so to speak, or whatever you know you need in a relationship, is important to you don't give up on it.
     
  15. Mankind

    Mankind

    Oct 20, 2003
    England
    Be yourself.
     
  16. xshawnxearthx

    xshawnxearthx

    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    before i met my current girl i was lamost engaged to this nut job. she did **** me up in the head. i had to go through a lot of therapy to realize not all women are like that.

    now i have an amazing girl who treats me well.

    my advice, take things slow, but not too slow where you become the friend or big brother. what you need to do is see where her head is at. i know it sucks tojust be someones friend, and usually if i get the choice, between friend or nothing, i bounce, because i have plenty of female friends. so just take it in stride. see what happends. me, i'd be straight up with her.

    get her on the phone, start talking about stuff, ask her if she wants to go to eat or something. plan something really fun that you know she will enjoy. like a picnic. then, you start talking. maybe be romantic about it and be cute about it. but, you will never know until you do something. take a risk, make a move, even if its just asking her how she feels, or telling her how you feel.

    i find, if you cant tell if a girl likes you or not. she either doesnt like you, or she is too affraid of being hurt. so, be kind whatever you do.
     
  17. xshawnxearthx

    xshawnxearthx

    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    also. like duke above me said. be yourself. the worst she can say is she isnt into you that way. then you have another road to cross in which you decide if you wanna still be her friend, or be done stubborn cause you cant get what you want.
     
  18. Psyrcle

    Psyrcle Guest

    I am more than comfortable with myself. I know who I am and what I want. I grew up in a broken home with a father who was never there, a mother who worried about what people thought of her through me, and a step-father who acts like he cares but he would rather see me on the street than in his home.

    I know her friends. I got to meet her through mutual friends. The person who intorduced us recently got booted from his girlfriends apartment.

    After breaking up with my fiancée I almost looked down upon women. I didn't think any less of my female friends but after experiencing one horrible night caused by a woman, one I trusted and did everything I could for, I didn't want to associate. After meeting this girl my perspective has been renewed. I gotta thank yall for the help. This is the most help in relationships that I ever got.
     
  19. retitled

    retitled

    Feb 13, 2004
    forest hills
    watch fightclub and then show her this thread....
     
  20. captainbeardo

    captainbeardo

    Mar 11, 2005