I need advice.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Exxcell, May 19, 2012.

  1. Have a friend who I've know for a long time. And he's in a dark place right now. He says hes on the brink of murdering someone.

    His girlfriend has some guy hitting on her constantly. He doesn't know if she's flirting back but he's wanting to take a life. I don't know how to approach this? Help?
  2. Buddy, you have a problem.

    and i don't just mean that your friend is contemplating doing something that will absolutely ruin several lives.

    in many (maybe most, heck, i don't know) states, if you have knowledge that someone you know is planning to kill someone, you have an obligation to come forward and tell someone...maybe police, maybe the person they are planning to kill, i have to admit, i am hazy on this because i have never faced it, but SOMEONE.

    there is even an exception to the doctor/patient confidentiality rule for shrinks, when their patient tells them they are about to kill someone.

    you better determine fast if he is really serious, either convince him to get some help, or else you could wind up in serious trouble if it ever came out that you knew what he was planning and did nothing about it.

    if i am wrong about this, please someone, correct me, because, as i have said, i have never faced this situation, but i believe the law is as i have stated.

  3. Jeff K

    Jeff K Supporting Member

    Jul 9, 2005
    Memphis, TN
    Ask him if he'd enjoy spending the rest of his life in jail, where he'll NEVER have access to women.

    Ask him if he REALLY thinks taking somebody's life because he was flirting with his girlfriend is a wise thing to do.

    Ask him if he doesn't trust her to handle it herself.

    Ask him if he's ever considered counseling or anger management.

    Tell him you probably won't get to visit him in prison very often because unlike him, YOU will still have a life.
  4. 1SHOT1HIT


    Feb 17, 2012
    Without a direct threat to the guy no law has been broken.

    I'm also pretty sure even if the guy did act it out the OP wouldn't be liable in any way, and I don't think he has any obligation to tell anyone anything at all.

    If that was the case there would be lines wrapped around every police department in the country.
    Unless this guy has made arrangements to follow through with the guys death it's just hot air, regardless of how serious the guy seems.

    He'd need to be trying to hire someone, even then it's still not much of a case at all unless they have physical evidence. Hear say is not admissible in court.
    So let's say the guy was trying to hire a hit man, if you told the police they still wiuldnt charge him, theres no case AT ALL, they'd then set up a sting and get the guy recorded , plus give him multiple chances to back out to show how serious he was. To actually get real evidence it would take much more than just the threat.

    As far as him saying he is going to do it, unless he tells that to the guy himself face to face or over the phone there is no broken law.

    The police would have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the OP knew for absolute certain he was 100% serious and that's kind of impossible. Or he would have to be somewhat involved with any part of helping him or planning it, or committing a crime which ended up in this guys death to be charged as an accessory to anything.

    Having said all that though, maybe telling isn't the worst thing to do , but if you decide not to I don't see where there would be any legal issues for the OP at all.
    I mean honestly if your friend is talking about MURDERING / KILLING / causing mortal injuries / taking a life.
    Whatever you want to call it. If he is talking about MURDERING a man because the guy is hitting on his girlfriend. What you should be worrying about is why the hell your still friends with this nut case.
    Who the hell kills someone over hitting on their girlfriend?
    Man, I should have killed 4-5 guys this week alone, and come to think of it several more the week before.

    Forget what you can do to help him, help yourself and find better more sane friends.

    That's just not normal behavior at all. What will happen when something weird happens in his head and he thinks you were hitting on her? Or looking at her too long?

    Just my thoughts.
  5. 1SHOT1HIT


    Feb 17, 2012
    My legal advice was all learned from Court TV, but I watch it A LOT. So I may as well be a lawyer. No seriously lol

    Take it with a grain of salt.

    I'm pretty confident in what I said but I'm not the one going through it either.
  6. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim Supporting Member

    If he's a friend, at least tell him that it would be the stupidest thing he could ever do. And use whatever language it takes to make the point.
  7. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member

    Have you spoken to the girlfriend? Is she aware of what direction he's going in? I don't think you would be liable as an accessory or accomplice unless you became aware of an actual plan. You can talk to the police, they won't be able to do anything until there's an actual crime in progress (happened or clearly about to happen), but they may have some advice.

    And like others have said, try to talk him down here. Make him think about outcomes. If he wants to kill the guy cause he's afraid the guy is stealing his girl - well, jail time is a pretty guaranteed way to lose her. If he doesn't trust her, he shouldn't be with her in the first place. Or, I suppose, if she's so hot that he wants to be with her even though she can't be trusted with other guys, then he's going to have to let her be herself and live with that.
  8. machine gewehr

    machine gewehr

    Sep 17, 2005
    World's population is estimated to be 7.014 billion. Almost half of them are woman.

    Ask your friend if it is worth spending the rest of his life in jail for 1 woman, where as there are ~3.5 billions others.:eyebrow:

    Love is a very strong feeling, can be considered to be a kind of madness, but dude...
  9. Is it a credible threat, or just trash talk?
  10. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Your "buddy" lacks some maturity. Hopefully he keeps his head on straight, or he's about to learn it the hard way.

  11. jarrydee


    Oct 22, 2011
    yup, jealousy is an ugly thing. This guy must be lacking some confidence. Hell even fighting someone for talking to your girl is stupid! If the girlfriend lets the flirting go on I would be more mad at her, I never understood why guys go after the man that their woman cheated with but not the women....it is not the guys fault your girl is a (insert what you want)
  12. 1958Bassman


    Oct 20, 2007
    How old is this guy and is he losing it just because some nimrod is hitting on his girlfriend, or is it because of something else?

    Here ya go-
  13. I would say he's pretty capable. I seen him do some stuff that kinda scared me at the time. I won't name it though. I've tried calling him several times today. I'll stop by his house tomorrow and see whats up.

    I hope he's just mad and not thinking. I sent him at text to look forward 10years from now and see what he wants his life to be like, and how the actions he's thinking of doing will interfere with those dreams.

    He never texted back so I hope that really got him thinking about what he's crying over.
  14. Crimes of passion are always nasty buggers to deal with, so warn him off it and if he doesn't listen then call the cops. Right there. And maybe warn the target. And the girlfriend.

    Generally most people are going to shake when they actually find the opportunity to take a life, it goes against everything that society throws at them throughout their life. In situations where very strong emotions are present however, the logical side of the brain literally gets turned off, thus creating a very dangerous situation for all parties involved.

    As bad as it sounds, the above suggested course of action is the best to keep you from getting in legal trouble, your friend from committing a BIG mistake, the offending party alive, and in the heat of it all the girlfriend may get it too :(.

  15. Forgive me, but seriously? He's really wants to kill someone for flirting with his "girl" who he isn't even sure that she's flirting back or not?

    Your friend is a moron. You shouldn't associate with people who are so mentally unstable that something as common as suitor rivalry moves him to want to take lives.

    The only problem you have is your own choice to associate with a potential homicidal moron.

    On the off chance that he's actually serious about wanting to kill someone and on the off chance that anything you might say to him could actually have any sort of impact, I'd recommend you say to him, "You are an idiot for even thinking of doing such a thing. If you are that unstable and incapable of dealing with such a common aspect of everyday life, you have much greater issues to contend with than some dude hitting on your 'girl' - a girl who you yourself admit may even be reciprocating this dude's advances. If you don't even know if she's hitting back or not, you don't have a girl - you are dating. Get the hell over it or simply dig yourself a hole and climb in now because from this point on you clearly plan to throw your life, and the life of anyone who is idiotic enough to associate with you in the crapper."

    Or something along those lines.

    Do yourself a favor and find a better class of friends.

    Oh yeah... IMO, IME, YMMV, FWIW and all that bunk.
  16. sandmangeck


    Jul 2, 2007
    You can call the EMS and state that your friend is having Homicidal Ideations. They will ID him (immediate detention) and bring him to the hospital where he will recieve a Access Consult to get him the mental help he needs.
    Or you could do nothing.
  17. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    True enough. Though, you cant say that the third party is entirely unresponsible for things.
    The woman may be whatever pejorative you choose to use, but it also could be that said third party had a role in bringing that side of the woman out.
    Ive recently had time to think this all through. While I am mad at her for her actions, I cant say that there is no animosity towards the man who tempted her into infidelity.
    However, Ive never had any inclination towards harming the guy, just that it'd be best if I were to never run into him again.
  18. I'll never say that it doesn't suck royally to have a person you are romantically involved with 'go rogue' on you. That is one of the suckiest feelings one can experience and I even understand the level of emotional distress that it can cause.

    But this is a matter of keeping things in perspective here. While the emotional toll is indeed high, if it causes you to LITERALLY contemplate murder (not just figuratively want to "kill" someone, but to actually consider taking a life), you (not you-you, Matticus, but the ubiquitous everyone-you) need serious help.

    If the significant other happens to be a spouse, I can see getting really, really, really mad - but murder? No.

    Now drop all of this to the level of a dude dating a chick - not married - no kids - just "playing the field" and getting jilted? Come on... Keep things in scope, please. That's a sucky thing to have happen - but it's stacks so far down on the list of what life will throw at you that is REALLY sucky that it's not even a blip and if having your 'girl' lose interest in you - or develop interest in some other dude causes you to go homicidal - even if that dude 'made it happen' - you are NOT ready for prime time, man.

    OP - if your friend is honestly in the red zone, notify any one of the suggested resources in this thread ASAP.

    And again, if you are associating with people who cannot deal with life like your friend, you are hanging with a crowd who is going to make your life miserable.

    Is it worth it?
  19. Your opinion. I get that. But your outa line buddy. You've never seen or heard of me or my friend until about 24 hours ago, what gives you the right to speak to me about my friends like that?

    Your help is wanted. Not criticism.
  20. I talked to him today. He said he finally calmed down and saw what he was fussing over.

    Him and his GF are going to talk about it.

    Thanks for the advice guy. I'd never dealt with anything like that before. Lol
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