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I need to let off some steam about money issues and "friends"

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Blazer, Jan 19, 2014.

  1. Blazer


    Nov 27, 2003
    The Netherlands
    Rogue luthier employed at Knooren Handcrafted bass guitars
    Man, there have been a lot of things getting on my nerves for a while but the most of them involve Ray, who used to be my best friend.

    For years Ray and me were tight, we could call upon each other in hours of need, were in bands together and graduated high school together.

    But lately I have more and more things about him that drive me up the wall. Thanks to a low life that stole his scooter, he has lost his primary transport and constantly has been calling upon me to get him to wherever he needs to be going, without ever compensating the fuel costs.

    He always says "You don't know what it's like to support a family, you can spend your money on whatever you please." and that's far from the case, I have at least 300 euro a month in keeping my car in running order, of which most of it is in fuel alone, then I have the rent of my place, the costs of keeping myself fed, you get the idea.

    His daughter now resides in a child care home in the north of the country until the battle over custody between him and his ex-wife has been resolved (which is very unlikely to ever happen) and it has become a very frequent thing for him to phone me up with the request of me having to drive him there.

    I also noticed that at parties and get togethers, he has become quite close with my younger brother, with whom he's constantly what's-apping. So when I'm there, I'm not really there, he simply doesn't speak with me or even acknowledging I'm there, it's only when he needs something to be done that he addresses me.

    The best example of that?

    Scope this: Ray, my brother and me were in my car driving to yet another errand and Ray goes "Say Pete, when you see Walt, could you tell him that he..." and I'm sitting NEXT TO HIM!

    This week, I sold a guitar so I could have a little extra cash, because I'm saving up for another trip to the UK. I put half of it in my tank expecting it to last me the remainder of the week. But when I got home, my brother called me up and said that he'd received a phone call from Ray if we felt like coming over, since his current wife was babysitting and he was bored and alone.

    We went there and he was "Glad to have some company, oh Walt, could you do me a favor and drive me to to Voerendaal (the place where his wife was babysitting) so I can retrieve our dog?" I'm normally a very mellow guy but I couldn't help myself and I said "Not that you're giving me a lot of choice do you?"

    The friendly get together was more of him and my brother chatting with each other and me sitting there with nothing to do. After we retrieved the dog and dropped ray off and went home I told my brother that as far as I'm concerned, I would have been better off if I just sat in an empty room.

    Yesterday I went to my work, I had a tight schedule of work on the repair of an upright bass, my boss trusts me well enough to leave me to it and getting a job well done when I finished it. I love such jobs, I can concentrate, work and have my head empty from all that's bothering me.

    I also never take my cellphone with me, because I simply don't want to be "available" all of the time. My brother is the opposite, I almost never see him without his I-phone, constantly trading messages with god knows who.

    So after I did what my boss told me to do on that bass, I decided to work some extra hours getting the frets leveled, crowned and polished of a self made Les Paul Junior which I left unfinished for a while because of not getting around to do so earlier, making it a playable instrument.

    So I arrived home and my brother went "Dude, for Pete's sakes, take your cellphone with you, we've been trying to contact you all day today." turns out that Ray's grandma is on her deathbed and he needed me to drive to whatever town she resides, so he could see her the final time.

    Then I was told that he got another mutual buddy, Vince, to drive him there. Knowing Ray, there would be no compensation for Vince, after all "Friends help each other out."

    Maybe so but I'm going broke getting myself involved in his personal issues and I'm stuffed to the teeth with it. Ray once asked me why I don't get myself an I-phone, I would be able to be reached every time of the day." I told him " Because I don't WANT to be in reach every time of the day." a concept that's apparently completely alien to him.

    It's been a long time coming but a change will come and he better be a man about it.
  2. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    Vince is your savior.
  3. BawanaRik


    Mar 6, 2012
    New Jersey
    One of the things I like about the Netherlands is how polite the people are. They have to be. It's the most concentrated first world nation on the planet.

    And the last thing you want to do is get your neighbor mad when he has the control to the sluice.

    But try this. Rot Op. Next time he attempts to take advantage of your in an underhanded way. Practice it at home.Maybe throw in an alsjebieft to keep it friendly.

    You're not doing him any favours. He needs to get on with his life.
  4. He can't use you if you don't let him.
  5. stevetx19


    Sep 28, 2006
    Denton, Texas
    have you talked with him about your frustrations with the situation and what you want to happen? I mean, if he doesn't know what you want, you can't exactly expect him to give it to you, and why jump off a free ride?
  6. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Supporting Member

    Jan 13, 2008
    Tampa, FL.

    It amazes me how people find themselves in these situations. The first time it ever becomes an issue you need to acknowledge it and let the other party know why it's a problem. Some will try to make amends, and others will try to make excuses. Those who make amends are worth having around. Those who make excuses need to be removed from your life (no matter how close you might be).
  7. BawanaRik


    Mar 6, 2012
    New Jersey
    Good advice.
  8. Tituscrow

    Tituscrow Banned

    Feb 14, 2011
    NW England
    Everybody Loves Raymond.
  9. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim Supporting Member

    The OP needs to stop being a sucker for Ray and tell him to make his own way. Ray is clearly taking advantage of the OP.

    Make it clear how you can and cannot help, and if you continue helping, make it clear that he needs to contribute financially or make his own way without your help.
  10. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike

    Nov 18, 2005
    The line you wrote about him saying you basically have all this money, and no real obligations for said money , says he believes you should be sharing your hard earned money with him.

    We have a word for that


    Good luck
  11. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Ayuh. Leech it is. Get rid of him and good riddance.
  12. pedroims


    Dec 19, 2007
    Can he buy another scooter? Its no like trying to buy a Bently
  13. machine gewehr

    machine gewehr

    Sep 17, 2005
    Been there in a similar situation. I don't see that dude any more.

    We grew up together, been best friends for 10+ years but there's a number of bull****s I can take from a person. You pass the limit, it doesn't matter if we grew up together, we are married, you saved my life or whatever. You are out of my life for good. Life's too short to waste time on people like that.:scowl:
  14. Ironbar


    Aug 24, 2013
    Portland, Oregon
    Can't really add much except to say that this person is not your friend anymore.