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I need to vent...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by BrettAM, Mar 8, 2003.


  1. Ok, tell me if this is not just a little rude; February 2nd was my friend April's birthday-she lives something of a cinderella life and her family doesn't have much money. I knew that she wouldn't get much from her parents (if anything) and I wanted this year to be better than last year (which was terrible for her). I decided that I wanted to get her something really nice-something that she would definetly not be getting from her parents or any of her friends and something that she would really appreciate. I picked out a pearl necklace for her (11 graduated white pearls on a white gold chain), it was about $350. Her birthday came and went and she seemed to really love them. Unfortunately they're not exactly something one wears to school so I never got to see her in them.

    My birthday was 1 week ago, about two days before that she came up to me after school and said "Listen, I can't accept these-they're too expensive and I don't get to wear them that much and you don't have that much money these days so you should take them back." She then tried to give them back to me-naturally I said "They're yours, keep them." I figured this was just a courtesy b/c someone had told her how much they were a few days before this. She never brought it up again so I assumed all was well.

    Then, this thursday, I opened a drawer on my computer desk to find them hidden behind one of my books there! The only people who had come over since April talked to me was a couple friends of mine (Jason & Cory) on the night of my birthday. After a long coaxing I got the truth out of the two of them b/c I wasn't able to get ahold of April that night. Apparently, she was alot more serious than I had thought, she was to afraid to come up to me again and so she spoke to the two guys and they offered to take them and give them to me. So on the night of my birthday when they were over they decided that they didn't want to face me and so they snuck this necklace into my house and hid it in the drawer next to my desk! And then when I confronted them about it they started yelling at me because I was supposedly turning this into a bigger thing than it was.

    I'm not mad about this anymore, it's just disappointing that the three of them would be so immature about this whole situation. I just needed to tell someone... so in your opinion-did I overreact? or was my being angry about this warranted?
     
  2. Well, first up - that was a really nice thing to do for someone. Thing is, the girl isn't going to feel right taking such an expensive gift from you because she knows she can't repay the favor. Her reasoning for not wanting it due to her not being able to wear it much was just an excuse. In reality, it was just because she didn't want to take a gift of that generosity - remembering that it is far more of an issue because of her background. Because of that, I can understand why she couldn't take it from you and wanted to give it back and I think you should excuse her for trying to do so.

    Your other friends, however, don't have an excuse for being so, as you put it, immature about the situation. Yes, they were trying to help her out but in the end if they have no real emotional attachment to the girl (ie. lovers) then they have no excuse for not being up front about it to you. I personally don't think they should have taken the necklace in the first place either.

    Before you get mad at her, you've gotta think how guilty she would have been feeling about receiving such a gift in her situation. But your other friends don't have the fortune of any excuses. IMHO, they deserve a blasting from you.
     
  3. PhatBasstard

    PhatBasstard Spector Dissector Supporting Member

    Feb 3, 2002
    Las Vegas, NV.
    As a student of both psychology and socialogy I have to think there is something else at play here.

    I'm assuming BrettAM is male. Maybe your (just?) friend April, when receiving such an expensive (an item often linked to romance) and unusual gift, thought you might be trying to say something more than "Happy Birthday".

    I'm not saying you were, I'm just trying to see it from her perspective.
     
  4. Cool, I'm not the only Psychology student here! I'd agree that there is some other emotion in this girl's mind than just dislike of the gift - afterall, she didn't refuse it until later. To add to what Phat said, she's obviously feeling guilt because the present is seen by her as being far too extravagent for her and your relationship. I think that its also to do with the repayment because I see it as her being unable to pay back the favor you've done economically or the feelings that she's presuming are behind the present.

    There could even be a far less cognitive explanation for it all as well - her parents may have said that she can't accept a present of this magnitude from someone who is just a friend. Families with a low income are often very wary of being charity cases and she could even be worried of it herself.

    Just a few more thoughts inspired by PhatBasstard...
     
  5. I spoke to her yesterday before I made this thread-I'm not at all upset with her, she's by far one of the sweetest people I know and so if she can bring herself to give back a present like this I know it's something serious and completely lacking mal-intent. I'm mostly upset with the guys, that was just not right...

    And I certainly hope that she didn't get the wrong idea about our friendship-that is all it is. I think she understands that considering I'm VERY happy with my current girlfriend.
     
  6. PhatBasstard

    PhatBasstard Spector Dissector Supporting Member

    Feb 3, 2002
    Las Vegas, NV.
    Wow....an inspiration.....me? Gosh, Im' blushing (.OK, No psycho analisis about this please)) ;)