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I once met a woman who claimed she doesn't fart.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by slobake, Jun 18, 2014.


  1. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    Not fart? How can that be possible? Wouldn't she explode or something? I think she was lying. We did convince to fart once on a camping trip, it wasn't much of a fart.
     
    edpal likes this.
  2. bass nitro

    bass nitro

    Feb 21, 2011
    BG,SZ
    Do not smoke when she is around you.One never know.......:D
     
  3. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with seven wives who claimed they didn't fart,
    Each wife who claimed she didn't fart had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats, who each wife who claimed they didn't fart also claimed didn't fart
    Each cat who each wife who claimed they didn't fart also claimed didn't fart had seven kits: kits, cats who each wife who claimed they didn't fart also claimed didn't fart, sacks and wives who claimed they didn't fart,
    How many were going to St. Ives?
     
    SeamzKing likes this.
  4. Gorn

    Gorn

    Dec 15, 2011
    Queens, NY
     
    IGotGas and Plucky The Bassist like this.
  5. capnjim

    capnjim

    Mar 13, 2008


    Cup of cheese!!!!!!!!!
     
    IGotGas, cheezewiz and fraublugher like this.
  6. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    I need a measuring cup to answer that.
     
    nukes_da_bass likes this.
  7. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    One. You are the only one claimed to be going TO St.Ives. - you might have met the man at any point, with him and his cat-ladies going somewhere else entirely.
     
    Dug2 likes this.
  8. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    There do seem to be some that miraculously hide it or something. That might be source of commentary to effect of,"she's full of it." I like the one's who put a hand on their tummy, break wind and smile.
     
  9. Marial

    Marial weapons-grade plum

    Apr 8, 2011
    My girlfriend in college made the same claim. I actually believed her until about two years into the relationship we were lying in bed reading for school and I heard the most incredibly polite 'poooeeet'. I fell out of bed laughing. She was not as amused as I was.
     
    IGotGas likes this.
  10. Plucky The Bassist

    Plucky The Bassist ZOMG! I'm back from the dead! Supporting Member

    Jul 30, 2010
    Houston, TX
    My reaction:
     
  11. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    Off-color joke.
    New guy at logging camp is having his first dinner. All the miner's are farting like crazy.
    Feeling hesitant he lets out a tiny pooet. At this the largest miner jumps up, throws his ax on the table and declares,
    " stand back men, the virgin is mine!!"
     
  12. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    Where is Darth? He HAS to have known someone in the CIA who farted.
     
  13. Boot Soul

    Boot Soul

    Feb 10, 2009
    I once saw an X-Ray .........
     
    Marial and edpal like this.
  14. Darth Handsome

    Darth Handsome Banned

    Oct 1, 2010
    Winnipeg
    Fart jokes don't excite me as much as they probably should. It's a curse.
     
    SeamzKing and edpal like this.
  15. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    And Titus is the cure?
     
  16. Unrepresented

    Unrepresented Something Borderline Offensive

    Jul 1, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    The girlfriend originally claimed that females have no bodily functions whatsoever. At this point we're roughly even on ripping ones, but she still blames them on the cat, no matter how much explosion related trauma the cat making such a noise would've suffered.
     
    DeathFromBelow likes this.
  17. My first wife claimed to have never farted and never did in my presence the time we were together. Years later, she has irritable bowel syndrome and wins fart contests regularly.
     
    Dug2 likes this.
  18. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    You're not the first person to figure that one out.

    Hate to break it to you.
     
    Dug2 likes this.
  19. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    Well gee, I would hope you had worked out your own joke.:rolleyes: Although, even that is not technically correct - there was no caveat of ruling out other people going to St.Ives that you FAILED to mention.:rage:
    :beaver:
     
  20. DerHoggz

    DerHoggz I like cats :| Banned

    Feb 13, 2009
    Western Pennsylvania
    Let me hear you fart so I know it's real.
     

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