I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm done with playing music. There is little pleasure in holding an instrument anymore. I despise the sounds I make. I'm sick of picking up my bass or guitar and feeling hopeless, and in five long years I have yet to create a single lasting musical thing which I would feel proud to call my own. I don't think I'm going to be very happy with this. A big part of my self-image is bound up with music, and letting go of that isn't going to be easy. But however I feel viscerally, I have no interest in perpetuating the ritual sham which music has become for me, and which has given me so little. Looking back on my five years of effort, I feel...stupid. Really, really stupid, as in I should have figured this all out a long time ago. Obviously I haven't been very honest with myself about a lot of things - I've let a bunch of ideas about who I thought I was influence me too much, and paid the price. For everyone out there who truly loves making music, as opposed to those like me who tell themselves they should, good luck. Enjoy your gift.