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I ran across this the other day...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Hategear, Aug 22, 2003.


  1. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    ...and thought ya'll might get a kick out of it. I did!

    NEW RULES FOR BANDS IN THE 21st CENTURY

    1. Never start a trio with a married couple.

    2. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.

    3. No one cares who you've opened for.

    4. A string section does not make your songs sound more "important."

    5. When you talk on stage you are never funny (unless you're a comedy group).

    6. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh, does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?").

    7. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk -- don't do it.

    8. Never name a song after your band.

    9. Never name your band after a song.

    10. Never enter a battle of the bands contest. If you do, you're already a loser.

    11. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: Rock opera, white rapper, blues jam, swing band, open mic, etc.

    12. Either break it to your parents or we will -- it's rock and roll, not a soccer game -- they've got to stop coming to your shows.

    13. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.

    14. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends and boyfriends are for.

    15. Yes, we can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got you for Christmas.

    16. If blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16-year-olds play them?

    17. Things that are never coming back: Gongs, headbands and playing guitar with a mic stand, a beer bottle, or your teeth.


    ;) :)
     
  2. CDuff

    CDuff

    Sep 14, 2002
    Europe

    4. A string section does not make your songs sound more "important".

    6. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh, does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?").

    7. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk -- don't do it.


    :D I like this one. Do these people honestly expect a crowd of 100 people to reply back in perfect unison: "not so bad. and yourself?"
     

  3. Feeder should take note of that.
    The Manic Street Preachers too.

    ....and Metallica :p :ninja: :bag:
     
  4. CDuff

    CDuff

    Sep 14, 2002
    Europe
     
  5. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    Oh goodness, I love it.

    Sad thing is it's true.
     
  6. About the amplified small talk...I mean,If I was back-up,or lead singer in the band im in,I'd ask how everyone's doing today...it's just how you create the over all vibe of a band...if you go out there,play your songs,and leave...it seems like you're working,not having a good time.

    just my opinion...
     
  7. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    Actually, I didn't get this one.

    :confused: :confused: :confused:
     
  8. I watched a semi-lame band ask that last night. After they started about 15-20 minutes late...

    They were a jam band playing all kinds of stuff. However, I doubt there was a set list of any kind. Too much noodling trying to start their damn songs...
     
  9. That soccer game one got me. Oh well, in March I will be able to drive my amp around. And maybe by october I will have that said amp;)
     
  10. Very good. I'm gonna email that to my former guitarist.