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i should work on my social skills, eh?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Floating teetH, Apr 21, 2005.

  1. how the hell do I do that? it would help if I didn't have to talk to people. That would make the the whole process far less terrifying. Aside from the dozen or so people who i speak w/ on a regular basis, pretty much everyone scares me half to death. It's a reflexive sorta' thing. attention makes me feel like I'm about to jump off of a cliff.

    Hookers don't lie. Clearly I need help.

    (this is not funny)
  2. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    I'm a a total introvert, so I can relate (an INTJ if you want to get technical). People don't scare me though; I'd just much rather not speak with someone if it's not about something important.
  3. Medic8ed, may I humbly suggest that you fill in your profile with a little more info? This way people can see a better picture of who you are. :)

    LiquidMidnight, wouldn't a total introvert just read at a site like this?

    Everybody, stay away from hookers.

    Just my $.02

    Mike ;)
  4. oh yeah, she wasn't really a hooker.
  5. Shades of social anxiety disorder, maybe? Obviously you should consult someone more qualified than I (a mere student), but problems like this can be treated very effectively, so don't hold off on asking someone who works in psychology. The less anxiety you have, they better your life will be.
  6. That's good to hear. ;)

  7. did it.

    I've looked at the criteria for SAD in the past. seems about right, but I don't want to be addicted to benzos.

    Plus I'll be on probation soon, meaning stress through the roof if you know what i mean. that probably won't be fun.

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    How does using the chat make you feel?, it might be a good first step.
  9. I'm a very very introverted person, and I am still in the transition of changing myself. I've made some progress, however.

    How am I doing it, you ask? Two weeks ago I received a job as a tour guide. Being forced to talk to 100 people four times a day will change you pretty quick, or you just get fired. :)

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    All the best with it Jake :)
  11. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    Well, introverts would find it easier to talk online than in person *LOL*

    Actually, total introvert is a misnomer; I'm not anti-social or anything. I'm just the stereotypical INTJ: more concerned with the thoughts in my head than the social events surrounding my body.
  12. Ericman197


    Feb 23, 2004
    I was once an INFP but now an EFNP. Really, it's all bull**** and labeling, but it can be interesting. At heart I feel that I am still introverted, but my leadership qualities give me an extroverted vibe. I love to get up in front of a crowd and do whatever, even if it means embarassing myself as I did today by volunteering to dance in front of my school (long story having to do with an assembly on confidence). I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to get in front of a crowd. Some of it just has to do with the quality of the speaker: when you're good you get positive feedback, giving you more confidence. My quality has always stayed the same, but very gradually over the years I've gotten more and more positive feedback. It was like an exponential graph: it took YEARS before I could do anything in public but after that, my confidence shot through the roof.
  13. Hella_Groovy


    Aug 31, 2004
    Richmond Va
    Talk to a doctor? I used to be like you until I did, turned out my shyness was at a level to be classified as social phobia. Anyway got help, turned my life around completely. Hope this helps, I'd go into more detail, but I'm way tired...
  14. i'd be interested to know what kind of help. i don't know if i can afford professional help right now, though.

    strangely, i don't have any trouble playing music infront of people i've never met in places where I've never been.

    i guess it's not so bad. if I weren't half crazy, i would be bored to death.
  15. Bad Brains

    Bad Brains Banned

    Jan 7, 2004
    Detroit, michigan
    I'm the same way. I don't talk to anybody unless I have too. I'd much rather stay in and play bass as opposed to going to bars and partying with my friends. I hate it, sometimes I wish I wasn't a nutcase, it would be easier to be just like all the other average joes out there.

    Then again i'm glad i'm me because I don't like those people.
  16. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    As another fellow INTJ, I have to ask - why do you need to talk to people? You're talking about strangers here, right? You're okay with your 12 or so family and friends and can deal with people at work and the grocery store - right? What do you want to meet new people for? Just go to work, practice your bass and be good at what you do. The people that are the right type of people for you will just pop up randomly in your life when you least expect it. I see no reason to go out of your way to learn to be comfortable chatting up strangers.
  17. I find it hard work being sociable, which is a lesser version of your self assessment. When I moved into a new area, I really struggled to find a new circle of friends.

    If you are concerned about how to meet and form a relationship with girls other than hookers, you could try a singles group, because they actually want to get to know you, or computer dating, which will give you a monthly list of girls to practice on, none of whom you are likely to bump into again if it goes completely pear-shaped.

    Anything that gets you out more has got to be better than not going out.
  18. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    I am not sure but... what does scare you about people you don't know?
    I mean if you just afraid of what they will think of you or if they are good people or not?

    Well... if they think something nagative about you, why worry? They are the ones who loose not you... Not everyone connects... If you connected then there ya go, you gained a friend...
    About good vs bad, I personally think that there are so many good people out there that you should worry about it... there are few bad ones, but you should be able to tell who they are fairlly quickly... But there are so many good people out there... just keep that in mind...

    Hope everything will turn out all right...

    Cheers dude
  19. Hey Medic8ed,

    While there is a certain "coolness" to being a "Lone wolf", I found out (the hard way) that this "coolness" only really works for James Dean in the movies.

    We are by nature, social beings. Generally the more social we are, the easier and better off we have it in life. There are tons of anthropological studies on higher order animals that show that "introverted" social animals , don't make it very well alone.

    That being said: I notice that even in your posts that you use alot of self depricating humor, and are tearing yourself down. Being scared of new people , and wanting to "jump off a cliff" if you get attention (I know you were exagerrating) is a serious problem. Just the exagerration you chose has under tones of suicidal feelings.

    My guess is that you have a lot of issues of shame in your life. Shame being different than guilt where guilt = I did a bad thing, Shame = I am a bad person.

    Again my guess only, when you meet new people, you get a flight or flee panic response, your sheilds go to max and you are in self preservation mode. Theres got to be somthing deep down inside you that causes this. like :
    your father told you you are worthless over and over when you were young. You saw your mom naked and she said you were a dirty pervert. I don't know but theres somthing going on in your gutts.

    There are many ways to deal with this other than medication. I bet you were never any good at the art of "self soothing", being able to talk yourself down from a tough spot.

    Acctually this "panic" you have asscociated with new situations can be turned into a strengh. Use it like an early warning system, if you can talk your way down from the flight or flee adrenaline response.

    I think you really need to find someone local to talk to about these matters, I know money is a issue, but there has to be self help groups, community programs, a pastor in a church, something that you can do to get started.

    Don't let your self become crippled and pass up all the wonderful opps in life. I think I speak for most here at TB and we care and are here for you.

    Good luck
  20. Thats very true... Im kinda like that...

    If Im online, even if I dont know someone, I can possibly talk their ear off, or with my friends im like that too, but faced with someone I dont know, if we're alone, normally thats cool too, but if "She"'s with friends, I'm not confortable enough to be me... my god, I miss out on so many oportunities because of this, its depressing.

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