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I swear it wasn't me this time... (long story)

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by armywalaby, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. I think I may have messed up my image in the local scene, I'm not sure.

    I used to contribute my drums and bass rig to a jam session at a local bar on tuesday nights. I had a deal with "Fred" (the host) that I would bring in my gear for the open mic and he would buy my beer all night. Cool, cuz I don't drink a lot anyway, and it gets me out on the scene to network, so even better. I stopped going about two months ago because the fuel pump in my car went out, so, no way to haul gear. Haven't been back since.

    Let me say a few things about "Fred" first. he is a stage hog. he has a few dudes that jam with him for the first two hours every time and people have had their slot pushed back because a friend of "Fred" has come in. He drinks too much and gets on stage in the middle of their set because he thinks he is contributing, but he isn't amazing when he's sober, so it doesn't help him. People laugh at him because he stumbles all over the stage, so he keeps doing it. "Fred" has ripped a microphone out of my hand when I was going to front vocals on a doors tune and said "you ain't singin' this ******' song". So, not exactly someone that people like being around regularly.

    "Fred" posted today on a facebook community page for musicians in my area and asked why nobody has come to his tuesday night open mic/jam session the last few weeks. I said something like 'honestly, you hog the stage until your bass player goes home. I've seen people come in with their guitars and a few of their friends to watch them that get tired of waiting and go play for their friends out on the sidewalk. you need to focus on being a host more than playing with your band all night. I've spoken about this with several other people and I wanted to find a way to tell you tactfully, but you asked, so there you go.' (I would copy and paste but "Fred" is an admin on the page and deleted the thread earlier.) I didn't think that was disrespectful at all.

    This turns into how I'm making it up because I won't tell him who the people are, I'm a ***** because I didn't ask him to play enough, I'm insecure because of his other bass player that showed up, I'm disrespectful because I said all of that in a public forum...

    I know it's a ridiculous response, I guess I just want to know if any of you think that I handled this wrong?
  2. Lee H

    Lee H

    Nov 30, 2011
    Redding CA
    it seems you gave him someone to blame, more than anything else. If no one was showing up, he was failing on his own. Now he is still failing, but he has someone to blame and focus his anger on, instead of facing his own problems
  3. M0ses


    Sep 11, 2009
    Los Angeles
    Why do you care what he thinks?
  4. That's what you get for criticizing the admin on his own forum.
  5. lowfreq33


    Jan 27, 2010
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    Open jams are the ***hole of every local music scene. Don't sweat it.
  6. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    You were right, but you flamed him. Live with it.
  7. sandmangeck


    Jul 2, 2007
    Yea. There are plenty of other open jams. Very few are organized.
  8. topo morto

    topo morto

    Mar 22, 2010
    If you private messaged him that, then fair enough... If you posted that on the page... you are a big ol' meanie!
  9. I fear this is the point :meh:

    I try not to say anything to anybody on the internet, that I would not say to him in front of his friends, family and hm... like 2000 other people. :rolleyes:

    Even if i know I´m right... :(
  10. topo morto

    topo morto

    Mar 22, 2010
    That's exactly the thing... good communication isn't about saying things that are correct. It's about saying things that help to achieve what you want to achieve. (A lesson I still need to learn better myself!)
  11. CS


    Dec 11, 1999
    From personal experience it doesn't always pay to be honest. As Fred runs the jam and the forum you posted on, technically he will never be wrong. In these instances you can put up with the situation or vote with your feet. There's not a lot you can do now you've basically insulted him. . You can consider an open apology on the forum and quietly disappear and find another open jam, band, whatever.

    Please note that you are right in principal, I am not disputing that.
  12. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    I have two words for this situation, but one of them isn't allowed on this forum.

    The other word is "him."
  13. ...and I thought it was my honesty and trueness of character that would make go far in this business...

    sigh...I guess I'm only really upset because a lot of people know "Fred" so I'm worried about what it will do to my reputation when he gets done making up more stuff about me.
  14. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    In Milwaukee most open jams are not really open. You have a host band and they choose which of their friends can play.
  15. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    No offense, but what makes you think you have a local reputation.

    I would like to think I have a local reputation, but I don't.
  16. more coffee

    more coffee

    Aug 31, 2011
    Denver, CO
    I see you post on the forum of the jam I run, and I'm like, forget yooooooou! (whoo-hoo-ooo)

    You forgot I was the admin, now your post is gone, and I'm like, forget you, you're insecure tooooooooo.


    Ok, seriously

    If Fred is half the narcissistic drunkard you portray him as, then he has a reputation already, and people will take that into account when they consider anything Fred says.

    But I also think you're overestimating Fred's "reach" by a considerable margin.
  17. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    We have a local reputation. It's not much, but it's out there. That's because this is a small city, with a small scene. We got a reputation for being trouble.


    In one case, it was because the bar owner expects all bands to smoke pot with him. We don't smoke pot, so we can't do that. Plus, he's creepy, and we aren't going to pretend we want to be alone in small places, sharing spit with the guy.

    In other cases, we like to run our own monitor mix. People get insulted by that, but we have special needs, due to one band member being deaf in one ear. We need our stage mix how we need it.

    More importantly, there is a status quo in this town, and if you are not kissing the right butts, you can be left behind. We will die before we kiss a butt. Yuck.

    In short, we are a band that shows up with plenty of time to do setups and sound check; we never overdo it on overall volume; we rehearse the heck out of our material, so there are usually none to very minimal flubs or incidents; we engage our audience, and we choose songs that we know are popular, and throw away anything that doesn't go over well.

    And yet, we're "TROUBLE."

    Does any of this make me cry?


    We are aggressive when pursuing bookings, and we get what we need.

    You don't need every musician and every bar owner to love you.

    You need the AUDIENCE to love you.
  18. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    But you do have an international reputation, right here on TB.
  19. Jazz Ad

    Jazz Ad Mi la ré sol Supporting Member

    If you have the same musicians playing for more than 2 songs, it's not really an open jam anymore.
  20. RustyAxe


    Jul 8, 2008
    Seems to me the folks that don't show up at his open mics anymore agree with you. There's a guy around here running an "open mic" like that ... we call it the "Freddy Show", and don't go there anymore.

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