I think my band is falling apart (really long sorry)

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by WickdMOnkey, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. WickdMOnkey


    Nov 18, 2003
    Sorry this is long but if you read it thank you very much!

    Well I hate to say it but I think my band is falling apart. It sucks too because we are all family but we have been fighting alot lately. I think it is a fundamental difference in thinking. We are basically an all original band but we know tons of covers so we could do that too. We have before. Anyway, so we have been trying to figure out ways to play more and promote ourselves. I will be honest with you money is tight for me and every time we play and don't make any it hurts. Although I do not play in a band for money. I do it for fun.

    So with that said lately we have been booking door gigs where we typically play with 2 other bands sometimes more. Doing this it is nearly impossible to make any money. I go into these totally expecting to only make 10 bucks and I am greatful when we do becuase it helps pay for gas. I also have to drive 100 miles to almost all of our shows which is the farthest in the band by far. Anyway, lately we have played several shows were we didn't get anything and next to no one but our trusty group of faithful fans came to watch. So I have been pushing for us to play more cover gigs where we make about 500 dollars as a band which is decent for 4 hours of work. Also these would be at bars with a more regular crowd and hopefully we could make more fans this way. However the other guys just don't want to do it. I say whats wrong with doing covers one night a week where we could throw in our originals and make some money. Then the other nights we play our originals in the smaller 1 hour shows a couple nights a week like we do? However they just don't want to do it. I think it all boils down to lazyness on the guitar players part. I say this becuase he is the main objecter to it.

    Anyway, the guitar player and drummer are hell bent on getting an agent and going on the road. I am ok with it as long as we get on it. The problem is the guitar player who takes care of all the promo packs and stuff is just being lazy about it and taking his sweet old time. I was at his house sunday trying to help him get it done and he was just like I will do it. I will send them tomorrow. So I was like ok, but I will help. He didn't really want my help though. So anyway, I talk to him today and I was like "did you send them?" He said "yeah well I sent 6." I was pissed. There were 16 places we had got info for to send stuff and he couldn't even do that. So I say "why didn't you send the rest?" He was like "well I sent 6 of them, because I didn't get all the promo packs done" By the way 2 were to places who we sent them too already. I was so mad because there is no reason not to get the promo packs done. He is unemployed and sits on his butt all day. The only thing he does is play guitar and surf the net or watch dvds. So I am mad. I just feel like he half asses everything and procrastinates on everything. I am so frustrated right now I just want to quit the band, but at the same time its all I really got going right now.

    I love playing music but it just drives me nuts that my other band mates can't do things in a timely manner. Also I think we are so unorganized when it comes to everything. I want to have more responsibility in the band but no one lets me really. I think it has to do with me being the youngest (23) and everyone kinda sees me as their younger brother. (I am their cousin by the way, the guitarist and drummer are brothers, the keyboardist is my uncle) So anyway they don't let me do anything really. Although I set up our myspace site (www.myspace.com/pikestation) and they acted like that was a huge deal.

    Ok I don't know what to do. I am so down and distrout about this. Its just driving me nuts. We have to play again thursday and I really just want to tell them its my last show. I don't want to hang them out to dry like that though and I don't want to quit really but I just am not happy right now.

    Anyway, there was no point to this rant really just some venting. Thank you very much for listening! I appreciate it.
  2. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    I have a similar situation in that I play in a cover band that used to have a great following but due to us getting lazy with the promo thing our band isn't getting the top rooms anymore. That's not really the big deal though. What's driving me crazy is that we have written some really cool songs as a band and we don't even play them at all of our shows. I think our guitar player is in it for the money and the girls. He gets off on the rock star thing. The singer and I are both song writters and want to work on our own music but the guitar player seems like he isn't into it. The drummer is along for the ride either way it seems. I just feel like if we are going to do something then lets do it. I have a small recording studio in my garage and we have yet to record anything in the 4 years we have been together. The kid down the street has a freakin demo and his band has been together for a year and a half.
    I almost feel like quiting also but for some reason I have not.
  3. Bands are relationships.
    We've all had bad relationships.

    If your partners aren't giving you what u want, u have to find out why. If you can fix it, then do.

    If not, then cut loose. You need to realise that you are a musician first and foremost, and your happiness in that role should not be affected by others. If the band u are in is not cutting it, then find another. im sure that you are a good enough bassist to find another group of people who could use ur talents.
  4. WickdMOnkey


    Nov 18, 2003
    Thanks guys for the replies. I am hopeing we can patch this up but I just don't think it's gonna happen because I don't see an end to the laziness. I just hate to give up though because we have worked so hard to get where we are. We have a full length cd done and have a decent following in some places but we just seem stagnate right now. I just think a little more effort would do us wonders. The problem is the guitar player seems to think he is overworked and is giving like 200% toward the effort but I feel he is giving like 20%.

    We have two shows booked in the next 2 weeks which kinda sucks. I would like to see more but sometimes that just doesn't happen. So I am gonna stick it out until then and I will make my decision after the second show. If I quit its just gonna be a bad deal because like I said they are family. Like you guys said happiness is important though and I am just not happy right now. I know I would miss playing with them if I left but my sanity is important too.

    Anyway thanks again guys. I really appreciate the opertunity to vent.
  5. buddahbass


    Dec 22, 2004
    Pittsburgh, PA
    take charge of things and tell them how you feel. they are family so it should not be that hard to talk to them. maybe talk to your uncle and have him say something. and if they are not getting things done, then take it upon yourself to make sure they do. it is your band too!
  6. WickdMOnkey


    Nov 18, 2003
    I would like to take it in my own hands but they really just won't let me. I don't have access to the promo stuff or things like that. When I say "well hey I will call so and so to try and book there" my cousin will just say "oh I will do it." Also my uncle is only in the band temporarily and he feels the same way I do. We have talked about it many times. We just don't get what the problem is with the other two. He owns a road construction company and is just playing for fun until we go out on the road so he really isn't too concerned about it.

    Part of the problem is you can't really talk with my cousin the guitar player because he is so stubborn. Once he gets something in his head it that way or he will throw the biggest baby fit you have ever seen until he gets his way. Also he only has one gear and thats slow. It is impossible to motivate him. I have talked with him several times and tried to throw out ideas and stuff and he just won't listen. Its like he just feels someone is going to just hand it all to him and it will be easy.
  7. First off, if you can't play your own hometown market, there's no way you'll be able to 'go on the road' and be successful. Most bands think that being on tour is the next big step, but if you aren't busting your ass at home, what makes you think you'll bust your ass on the road? Once your cousins realize that touring is 3 times harder than playing at home (no marketing, no fans, no promotions, no comfort-zone), they'll give up.

    My advice is to not let them tell you you can't do the promotions or booking. If they are hording the promo material, make your own. Make your own press kits, make your own demo's, make your own merch...do the research and book your shows. Don't tell them you want to book a show somewhere, just book it and tell them afterwards.

    If somebody else is controlling what songs you're going to play, take charge of that as well. Write and type up the setlists, and hand them to everybody. Include as many covers as you want. In fact, book venues and tell your band that the venue requires a certain percentage of your set to be covers. It's a white lie, but you will see an increase in money and crowd response.

    Anyway, don't let family push you around. Here's the key: You can piss them off, cuss them out, throw your weight around, and take control of the situation, because they're family. They will always be family.