I think my lead guitarist is a textbook narcissist.

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by njones89, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. njones89


    Mar 27, 2015
    Sioux Falls
    Apparently I am lacking a sense of humility because he doesn't like how I assert myself. He thinks, since I am the new guy, I should be more agreeable and open minded, and said because I'm not, to him, that I am coming across as (unintentionally) arrogant. He didn't really point out specifically when I did any of that, except for one example which I posted a thread about: me disagreeing to wear any sort of costume/outfit... even though I compromised by wearing dark shirts, which is something I'm not super into. I don't know... maybe I am arrogant, maybe I am not... I am sick of all this kinda crap and would rather just focus on music instead of having silly discussions and letting petty things get in the way.

    I'm just trying to wrap my head around how he came up with the idea that I am arrogant, when I think he is perhaps the most opinionated and arrogant person I know, and despite that, I choose to keep that to myself. He has a reputation for this, especially because he, being a militant atheist, feels the constant need to bash christians (and no I'm not one, but at least I have respect). He also has a history of his arrogance leading to band breakups. The only thing I can think of is that he is a textbook narcissist and lacking self awareness.
  2. MordBass


    Nov 1, 2017
    Honestly, if his reputation is that consistent and previously known.. I'd either find a different band or petition the other members to boot him.
    Tennesseemick, ezra1 and Infiniti like this.
  3. njones89


    Mar 27, 2015
    Sioux Falls
    Except when he pretty much started the band...
  4. Killed_by_Death

    Killed_by_Death Snaggletooth Inactive

    Well, if he's your lead guitarist, fire him.
    MordBass likes this.
  5. MordBass


    Nov 1, 2017
    yea but if his attitude is that prominent, the other guys are likely thinking the same thing you are. For all you know the drummer and singer have had this conversation with each other already.
    I had a similar situation in a trib band last year. The guitarist was a totally abrasive d bag... so i casually comment on it to the BL after the first rehearsal. I find out that they were all aware and had already discussed the issue of his attitude costing them other musicians.
  6. MordBass


    Nov 1, 2017
    sounds like you hit the nail on the head. My usual belief is that either Im an equal member of creation, recording and performance.... or I need to be paid. Id wait till he moves and then you guys can feel out how smooth practices are without him.
  7. RoadRanger

    RoadRanger Supporting Member

    Feb 18, 2004
    NE CT
    Is it "Captain Obvious" day? ;)
  8. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    It's his band and he's never going to change. How badly do you want to be part of this?
    Killed_by_Death likes this.
  9. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    Which text book? :woot:
    hrodbert696 likes this.
  10. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member

    Well, obviously you have a conflict here, so work it out or walk. I'm not seeing enough to diagnose the guy as a narcissist, of course you can't diagnose over the internet anyway and I wouldn't be qualified. But just having an ego isn't narcissism, and just not liking your positions isn't either. Narcissism would mean everything always has to be about him and him alone and he always manipulates everything to come back around to him, to the point of delusion.
  11. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Hold on......
    Are you trying to say that guitarists can be egotistical?

    No way! How can it be?

    What kind of world are we living in? Next thing you know, folks will be saying that the sky is blue.
    blubass, 1st Bass, RoadRanger and 3 others like this.
  12. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
  13. tedious1


    Feb 14, 2014
    Hmm, according to the Big Book of Psychoanalysis the diagnosis that corresponds to these symptoms is Lead Guitar Player Disorder...

    It's very, very similar to Lead Singer Disorder, the main difference being the latter is typically complicated by advanced, untreated syphilis...
    JRA, Kevorargh, RoadRanger and 2 others like this.
  14. Kevorargh

    Kevorargh Supporting Member

    Nov 2, 2013
    West Bethel, Maine
    It's a relatively new addition to the DSM V. I think I can validate your diagnosis.
    njones89 and tedious1 like this.
  15. blubass


    Aug 3, 2007
    Modesto Ca
    Current: Blackstar, DR strings, Nady. Previous endorsements with: GK, Rotosound, Ernie Ball, Cleartone, EMG, Dean, Dava Picks, Rebel Straps, Dickies
    How is he a textbook narcissist? I'm only joking, but may I ask you for specific examples the same way you asked him? ;):thumbsup::roflmao:

    I found this in a Google search, may be helpful...

    A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.
    Fewer than 200,000 US cases per year

    Treatment can help, but this condition can't be cured

    Requires a medical diagnosis

    Lab tests or imaging not required

    Chronic: can last for years or be lifelong
    Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors.
    Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.
    The disorder needs to be diagnosed by a professional. Treatment involves talk therapy.

    If there is any truth to what I posted above, your only alternative is to stage an intervention and get him some help, or quit and let someone else deal with the problem, but where's the fun in that!?!?!?!:laugh:
  16. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    I suspect there are many more. How many would actually be clinically diagnosed? Wouldn't most just go though life as self-centerd buttholes?
    Tennesseemick likes this.
  17. bassdude51

    bassdude51 "You never even called me by my name." Supporting Member

    Nov 1, 2008
    Central Ohio
    WOW! I looked up "textbook narcissist" on Google images and over 50% are Donald Trump!

    We are sorry for your bad experience with your textbook narcissist band member. They need to see a "shrink"!

    Michedelic and Axstar like this.
  18. blubass


    Aug 3, 2007
    Modesto Ca
    Current: Blackstar, DR strings, Nady. Previous endorsements with: GK, Rotosound, Ernie Ball, Cleartone, EMG, Dean, Dava Picks, Rebel Straps, Dickies
    It's per year... so, take say 5 years times 200k, and that's a million self-centered buttholes. :laugh:
    gln1955 likes this.
  19. njones89


    Mar 27, 2015
    Sioux Falls
    • He is a militant atheist to the point of insulting people with religious views.
    • He is an uber-elitist when it comes to gear, genres, musical tastes, etc. Mesa dual rectifiers or GTFO type attitude.
    • He always plays lead and solos with very little break or rhythm playing. He requires a second guitar to play the actual guitar stuff in accompaniment (yet nobody will ever want to fulfill that role, except vocalist on occasion).
    • ^^ some of my musician friends who have come out to support the band, as well as a few non-musician friends pointed this out to me as well and validated this point.
    • The one music video we have has more footage of him than the rest of the band combined.
    • 6 tracks on recordings for all of his guitar orchestration while the rest of us only have 1-2.
    • He is constantly calling people n*****s and f*****s.
    • Every problem in the band (or past bands) or failure is not a shortsight or fault of his; it's everybody else's.
    • When we get a deadpan audience, it's the audience's fault for not liking the music.
    • His ideas are always the right ones. No agreeing to disagree, you're a flat out idiot if you don't agree with him.
    • Does not like that his artwork is not featured as the logo or anything. He wants his ideas to be the stuff, but he doesn't have the skills to make vector art or digital rasters. He literally makes things difficult, I believe, because he is jealous of me. The rest of the band likes and appreciates my work, as well as the fans. He doesn't want me to do the artwork going forward if I'm not willing to illustrate his ideas.
    Stumbo likes this.
  20. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    And why are you still in this band?
    Michedelic, PauFerro, DirtDog and 3 others like this.
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