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I turned my drummer over to the police.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Joe Nerve, Jul 26, 2005.

  1. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    We finished our 3rd 4 gig weekend last night. Our drummer works full time, has a fiance he doesn't trust who just took a job in another state, his father passed away 6 months ago, and he has a drinking problem that in 5 years only interfered once with the band. He's a great guy, not beligerent, arrogant or stupid, and we love him - a lot. He's got lots of issues though.

    After the gig last night where he (we all actually) played horribly he was really down and tired and said he was leaving cuz he hadn't slept more than 5 hours since the start of the weekend. OK. Randy (other bandmate) and I hung out for a while at the club then went out to eat with a bunch of people. 4 hours later we see Santo crossing the street - completely trashed. Never saw him like this before although I'm sure he does it all the time. Randy jumps out of the car to talk to him. They get into crap - I have a friend sit in the car while I try to "fix" things but realize there's nothing to fix, he's simply trashed - but he's planning to get into his car for the hour long drive home. Need to make a quick decision - fighting him for the keys is out of the question cause we're not fighting people. I battle bigtime with what the right thing to do is, and I call over a cop to tell him the situation. Cop thanks me and gives me reassurance that I AM doing the right thing and goes and takes his keys from him. Comes back around the corner and gives them to me and tells me he told him he'd come find him and give him back his keys after a few hours. I was clueless what to do, then decided we'd have Randy drive him home telling him the cops were going to follow (he would have fought to drive himself). Randy winds up later telling him WE, actuall I, got the cops to deal with him.

    Santo quit the band. Santo hates me. I haven't spoken to him yet today but he was pretty fuming after sobering up a bit last night. We have other drummers on standby so we're not going to miss any shows - but I'm feeling pretty crappy. While I don't feel I did the wrong thing, in retrospect I think there may have been other ways to handle the situation... I mean, I couldhave snatched his keys and ran... but... I don't know. Guess I just wanted to vent so you guys could all write and tell me, "Joe, you did the right thing."

    I'm blabbing here but I've got other crap going on too. I'm still up at 5:26 PM from yesterday morning and at the moment I feel like the world is crumbling around me. Need food, sleep, time to collect myself. Things sometimes look sooo different on the outside then what's going on on the inside. Anyone know the Richard Cory poem? No - I'm not there, but feel like I can really relate at the moment.

    I've a feeling I may delete this thread after I sleep and get my senses back. Just read it back and realized it sounds like a kid posted it. Whatever - I've spewn my guts once more for the world to see.
  2. stingray96191


    Jul 27, 2001
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Unofficially Endorsing Ernie Ball Music Man Guitars

    You saved the mans life and did the right thing.


  3. Phe


    May 30, 2005
    Oulu, Finland
    Yeah, you did do the right thing.

    Eat, sleep, eat some more, let time pass and then call your drummer. Give him food too.

    See? Eating helps! :)
  4. PhatBasstard

    PhatBasstard Spector Dissector Supporting Member

    Feb 3, 2002
    Las Vegas, NV.
    More importantly, he may have saved other peoples lives (especially children).
    If he's willing to drive knowing he's trashed and is still mad at you after sobering up, you're wrong.........he is stupid.

    You absolutely did the right thing......period!
  5. I absolutely agree that you did the right thing. Getting the cops involved was the safest way to do things. It's their job to handle this stuff and it sounds like they did their job. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't called a cop. Any number of people could be in the hospital right now.
  6. Good cop. I've got two brothers who are cops and unfortunately only one is like that. Having a difficult time is NOT the time to be drinking. I'm glad you chose the right course and sad for Santo. I have had friends who won't own up to their drinking or drugging problem and they are no longer friends. I've had others who eventually do own up and our relationship is deeper and better due to my having the courage to confront the problem. You did the right thing. Now Santo has an opportunity to look at himself and decide whether he wants to do the right thing. You can't do it for him. You can only provide him the opportunity to make a good decision.
  7. Joe, you absolutely did the right thing, no two ways about it.

    If the guy has problems, that's sad, but when people get loaded and then have this idea that they have the right to drive bombed out of their skulls - NO! :eyebrow:

    You may have saved his life, and the lives of a few other people!

    GOOD WORK, JOE !!! :hyper:

    If he hates you for this, well, then he just doesn't get it. He's lucky to have had someone there like you that gave a damn.

    I hope your band situation gets resolved soon, and I am going to come see you one of the nights at Maguires. ;)

    Way to go, Joe! :cool: :)

  8. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    Nothing wrong with what you did.
  9. what he said
  10. Ditto with what everyone has said here.

    No question about it you did the right thing and in time I'm sure he will realize it too and thank you for it.
  11. BurningSkies

    BurningSkies CRAZY BALDHEAD

    Feb 20, 2005
    Seweracuse, NY
    Good Job.

    More people need friends like you.

    Even if they don't want to recognize that.
  12. You did the right thing, forced him on the right path, if only for 1 night, even if he doesn't know it.

    You may well have saved his life. He owes you a beer.

  13. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Someday, Santo will thank you for saving him. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year. But, he will. He may never make a point to thank you personally. You can bet something along the lines of...."one time this bass player in my old band saved me from drunk driving...." come out of his mouth.

    I am truly impressed by what you did. You never seemed like that kind of guy to me. I'll look at you much differently from now on. Not that I thought poorly of you, it's just a side of you I didn't think was there. Way to go Joe!

  14. Blueszilla

    Blueszilla Bassist ordinaire

    Apr 2, 2003
    The Duke City
    He'll figure out one day that you were the best friend he could have had at the time. Don't be tough on yourself Joe, you done good!
  15. I can imagine you getting into that situation Joe. Kudos.

    Totally sucks about him quitting :(

    You've done the right thing, no questions asked! LIke stated above, you've probably saved his and many lives, or saved him from living with what he might've done...

    I hope he comes around. I think the Nerve are a great band and its a bummer to see how hard its become for you guys...
  16. Hollow Man

    Hollow Man Supporting Member

    Apr 28, 2003
    Springfield, VA
    You did good, Joe. Don't let his ignorance bring you down.
  17. bassman314

    bassman314 I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...

    Mar 13, 2005
    Bay Area, CA
    +1 and Amen...

    Hemay hate you now... but if he grows from this, he'll realize you did the right thing...
  18. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Yep, thanks Joe. Everytime my wife and kids, are on the road I wish there were more people who would act like you.
  19. Basstyra

    Basstyra Commercial User

    Apr 3, 2005
    CTO @ Two notes Audio Engineering
    You probably saved his life. You did well.
  20. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    Thanks eveyone. Still haven't slept or ate, heads pounding like a mutha at the moment. Spoke with him though, he's not angry with me but thinks what I did was lame - his reasoning, "I drive like that all the time." It almost makes me wish I had gone with option 2 which I didn't mention in the original post - to let him start driving and then get the cops on him. He's gotta pave his own way and I pray nobody gets hurt or killed. He already woke up once in a hospital, not knowing how he got there to find he completely totaled his car on the brooklyn bridge. He only banged himself up in that one. He vaguely remembered the EMS person saying when they saw him, "This guy's toast." Didn't phase him.

    He's done with band. New drummer is going to be a kid Athony we've done a handful of gigs with. The Nerve! ain't gonna be quite the same for a short bit, and we have to hit the rehearsal studio again for a good stint - but we've been through worse. This guy has tons of personality and presence, and I've a feeling this is going to be a true blessing in disguise for the band.

    I really appreciate the unamimous, "you done good." I was actually expecting a few "well, you could haves".