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I'm an ordained minister now.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Mike Money, Nov 7, 2004.


  1. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Serious. I can marry people... I am on record as a priest in the Universal Life Church


    So, if anyone needs any hitchin' done... Hit me up.

    Or if you wanna be a priest, go sign up. Takes 8 seconds.


    :p
     
  2. LajoieT

    LajoieT I won't let your shadow be my shade...

    Oct 7, 2003
    Western Massachusetts
    Cool, you should go out and celebrate. Hit the bars, do some serious drinking, spend some 5's at a few strip clubs and then go home with a prostitute... Oh, wait, that's not a catholic church...
     
  3. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    I can baptise, perform last rites, funeral ceremonies, weddings, BUT i cannot circumsize.
     
  4. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Can you un-circumsize?
     
  5. xcental34x

    xcental34x

    Feb 28, 2003
    Memphrica, TN
    Wow, so am I. I'm going to go marry some people.
     
  6. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    I am too, I've had my certificate on my office wall for six years. All I do is condemn people to hell or get them out of going to hell though.
     
  7. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan

    Free of charge?
     
  8. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX

    I used ro have some blank contracts made up. A friend of mine in law school did all the language for me. It may or may not have been accurate legal-ese, but it looked real. They said, in essence: (Person signing) in exchange for (whatever they just asked for, say, soda money) agrees to give to (me) their eternal soul. And I would always have them sign it first, before I filled out what I was giving them.

    The really amazing part is how nervous they would be when they came to pay back the fifty or seventy-five cents, and I would say "It's okay, keep it. I have your soul. Surely I came out on top in that deal." A week or so later I would let them buy their soul back for a couple of dollars. Much fun was had by...well maybe not by all, but certainly by me.
     
  9. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Thr condemning part was free.
     
  10. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    :p :p Hilarious
     
  11. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas
    The back of Rolling Stone used to be littered with ads for that sort of thing. I guess the Internet makes it even easier. Your new-found certification should allow you the ability to issue indulgences. That should give you a good footing for a no-money-down real estate venture or a Krispy Kreme/Hello Kitty franchise.
     
  12. Darn, no printer.
     
  13. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    :D
     
  14. fatbassjazzer

    fatbassjazzer

    Feb 27, 2004
    ATL
    I'm a reverend too.

    The Universal Life Church has only two tenets (beliefs/doctrine):

    • to promote freedom of religion and
    • to do that which is right.

    I think I live by that for the most part.
     
  15. Aaron

    Aaron

    Jun 2, 2001
    Bellingham, WA
    I was ordained 4-5 years ago. I just have my certificate hung up in my room, but I've never done any ceremonies or anything. Although I used to use Rev. as my title quite a bit. School papers, endorsing checks, etc. I was thinking of starting to do that again.
     
  16. That parts easy, you just need a needle and thread :D

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bard2dbone
    I used ro have some blank contracts made up. A friend of mine in law school did all the language for me. It may or may not have been accurate legal-ese, but it looked real. They said, in essence: (Person signing) in exchange for (whatever they just asked for, say, soda money) agrees to give to (me) their eternal soul. And I would always have them sign it first, before I filled out what I was giving them.

    The really amazing part is how nervous they would be when they came to pay back the fifty or seventy-five cents, and I would say "It's okay, keep it. I have your soul. Surely I came out on top in that deal." A week or so later I would let them buy their soul back for a couple of dollars. Much fun was had by...well maybe not by all, but certainly by me.


    Evilllll I like it!
     
  17. Sonorous

    Sonorous

    Oct 1, 2003
    Denton, TX
    Could you make some more and mail a few to me? I'll then photocopy them and have lots of fun.
     
  18. I think Nick needs some townies condemned to hell.
     
  19. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    The title of Reverend is tempting, but the last thing I need is religious affiliation.
     
  20. DigMe

    DigMe

    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Now that's just cuckoo.

    brad cook