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I'm getting Divorced...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by NJL, Nov 13, 2006.

  1. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    I talked on the phone with Thor last week and then Pacman today... My question came up when I was chatting with the Pacster....

    Can a divorce go nicely between married people? We both agreed that we are not really the best for each other and that we need to split up to be happy in general.

    We have no kids, she owns the house and we have two loans together... how hard can it be?
  2. since there are no kids and you seem to know what is whos it seems very possible... mine went pretty well, although i was a bit of a puchover in hindsight...
  3. Carlos -

    Yes, it can, even if you don't agree that divorce is the best solution, based on my experience.

    Just sit down and calmly divide things up, if the two loans are of equal balance, make arrangements for each of you to assume full LEGAL responsibility for one. If they aren't find a balanced and reasonable solution that leaves you each with an equal amount of debt.

    How hard can it be? As hard as you want it to be.

    For me, it was the single most painful experience in my life, but in the end it was for the best. I only hope that the same will be true for you (the best part, not the painful part! ;) ).
  4. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ??

    i hope everything turns out for the best .
  5. Good luck man. Sometimes marriage is NOT the way to go and getting out of is in a civil fashion is an admirable thing. I think if both of you are on the same page, you stand a very good chance of making it work. - Strange to be saying that about divorce, but hey...
  6. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    OUCH brudda. You don't seem shaken by it from your post, so I'll leave out all of the "PM me anytime", and "sorry to hear it didn't work out, we're here for you" lines.

    I guess you have more time for the ring now. I want to see you in an upcoming PPV. :D :D

  7. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    I went through a similar situation with my first wife. We had no kids, few assets and few shared debts. At the time, she was in graduate school. She wanted the divorce, as did I, and we started off well.......

    Things got bad when she moved out. She cleaned out the house. She took all of the furniture, including pieces left to me by my grandmother (I got much of it back later.) She even took some of my clothes, because she had given them to me. Then she talked to a lawyer. Her first letter demanded a five-figure payoff, sole ownership of the house, both cars and for me to assume her student loans. At the time, I was making about $25,000 a year. I lawyered up as well, and we ultimately got everything split down the middle, except her student loans which she paid entirely. During the divorce process, her "friends" staked out my house every night for 4 months. When I started calling the cops, they started getting more creative. They tried following me when I left the house at night, but they were REALLY bad at it. With hindsight, I believe her friends were responsible for many of her actions and encouraging her crazy behavior. One of her (guy) friends even tried to pick a fight with me, so he could get me arrested. Needless to say, it didn't work.

    She told outright lies to all of our friends and told all of them that they would have to "choose" either her or me. Many of them stopped talking to both of us simply because they didn't want to be in the middle. While we were going through the divorce, but still married, she would have attractive classmates hit on me in bars and restaurants, in an attempt to get "evidence" that I was cheating on her during the divorce. After the divorce was finalized, she accused me of stealing her car.

    Now, you might read this and think that she was some sort of crazy woman and was always like this. Far from the truth. Her personality changed completely during the divorce. She became a totally different person. Part of the reason for this was her new group of friends, mostly lesbians and man-haters that encouraged her wierd behavior. While we were married, she was never suspicious, or vindictive, or just outright mean to me. That changed as soon as she moved out.

    I'm not telling you this to scare you. I know plenty of people that have had easy divorces. I am telling you this so that you'll be cautious and prepared for whatever may come. I assumed that my ex was going to be pleasant and easy-going in the divorce and the exact opposite happened. I wasn't prepared for that, and she took advantage of my trust.

    Sorry you have to go through this. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Here's my one piece of advice: get a lawyer. Don't share a lawyer, and don't trust her lawyer do do everything on the level. Please feel free to shoot me a pm or e-mail if you need someone neutral to bitch to. Good luck.
  8. Sorry to hear that, Carlos.
  9. burk48237

    burk48237 Supporting Member

    Nov 22, 2004
    Oak Park, MI
    Sorry to hear Carlos, is their any way I can help?
  10. +1...

    If there's anything you need, feel free to hit me up Carlos.
  11. SuperDuck


    Sep 26, 2000
    Just make sure you get the NFC collector plates and stick her with the AFC.

    edit: Just wanted to be clear that I wasn't trying to be flippant, just mildly amusing in an otherwise unfortunate occurrence. I hope everything turns out well. :)
  12. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Sorry to hear that Carlos. You know I'm here.

  13. Philbiker

    Philbiker Pat's the best!

    Dec 28, 2000
    Northern Virginia, USA
    Yes, a divoce certainly can go nicely between married people. My sister and her second husband of many more years than the first get along well as friends with her first husband, and they (my sister and her first husband, the father to her children) are good parents to their three children.

    I don't know about if there's no kids involved. I don't see any reason for an amicable long term relationship in that case. But I could be wrong.
  14. DGbass70


    Jun 1, 2005
    Rochester N.Y.
    My situation was similar to yours but we had no properties or kids together.....and it was painfull and expensive since freaking NYS don't have the NO FAULT divorce(or something like that)
    (we both agree we wanted to get divorced) so we had to either go for abandonment or spousal abuse.She had no lawyer so my mine told me to file for the first option(which it was true she left the house).So hopefully the state were you are at is easier for a divorce to go thru.On my case after we were doing things in a very amicable way she turned around and started acussing me saying i abuse her verbaly that it was my fault that our marriage failed because i have changed and it was the other way around she was seeing someone behind my back and she was the one who changed and to top it all i had to pay for the divorce,she did not give me a penny.
    But at the end i win...i have a very good woman(we are getting married next month) and we have a 2 year old daughter,house,car health and we both have jobs and we get along really good.
    I hope thing work for you,like people say there's light at the end of the tunnel. :)

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    I am sorry to hear this Carlos , I hope your split can be done on the best of terms.
  16. RAM


    May 10, 2000
    Chicago, IL
    I wish you a lot of luck...divorce sucks, and I'm wishing my divorce was over...probably not until at least Springtime, assuming things continue smoothly. We have a kid, and that's a big issue, and she's not "playing fairly", which is why we're having these issues.

    For your divorce to go easily and quickly, you both need to agree going in what's fair. Draw up an agreement and sign it. Then get a lawyer to file and it can be done that easily and quickly. As far as being friendly, that also depends on both of you.

    Again, best of luck!
  17. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Inactive

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    If you keep it civil (as in, being ciil to each other, not going to civil court!) you could probably have a clean, painless divorce. Just agree to work together to sort the issues out, get assistance from your solicitor to draw up a list of whats going to who and so on and then both sign it when you're happy. That way, you'll avoid protracted legal action deciding who gets what if either of you feels greedy later on.

    I think it could be quite odd having to get used to living on your own again, I mean, even if you're not in love with someone, such close contact can mean a kind of attachment.

    Maybe, until your next relationship gets going (whenever you feel the time is right for one, that is), keep her number in case the two of you ever feel like Coffee. Know what I mean?
  18. Ívar Þórólfsson

    Ívar Þórólfsson Mmmmmm...

    Apr 9, 2001
    Kopavogur, Iceland
    I'm Sorry to hear this Carlos, hope everything works out for you!

    In response to guy n. cognito's post..... DAYUMN! That´s one helluva divorce!
  19. Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification
    Carlos, like I told you yesterday, I'm a phone call away. If you need to talk, drink, go shooting (2 and 3 not advised at the same time), whatever - just give me a call. I'm here for ya, brother.
  20. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Yeah, it was quite a surprise. It seem real cordial and simple until the day she moved out. My example was a bit extreme, but I tell people about it so that they know that the unexpected can happen. Mine would have been simpler had I considered the worst and been prepared for it.

    What's worse is that the craziness continued well after the divorce. Story for another time......

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