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Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by John M Ewers, May 28, 2019.
What are your experiences with having a band with your spouse?
I hope you like being a duo, 'cause it's a huge red flag to the rest of the world ;-) ...
in my last band (covers) Drummer and singer were a married couple.... and they used to argue a lot during sound check!
Drummer used to spend ages sound checking his drums and would always be adjusting things on the PA (PA mixing desk sat next to drummer) his wife (singer) was telling him what he needed to adjust, but he'd adjust something else instead.... used to drive me and the guitarist nuts sometimes
Some people can make it work - seems that most can't. I haven't had the "pleasure" of working in that environment, but only hear about the bad ones.
I see the benefits of either way, but don't know you, your spouse or your potential band mates - kind of tough to offer any real advice on something like this.
<sigh> I don't usually like being in a band with my spouse. For us, it rarely works. We are mismatched in terms of experience and ability and that causes some major problems.
But right now I am in a band with him that is just a non-serious side project for a bunch of local musicians and the only rule is to not take it seriously. So I try to just take the stuff that normally would bother me in stride, and it's actually a pretty good exercise in tolerance that I think is helpful to each of us in different ways. They give me a couple of songs to sing, which doesn't happen too often, so it's kind of fun that way. But in general, being in a band together doesn't work for us.
I will never, ever be in one of those bands again. They always end up like:
Fortunately, my wife is not musical.
We played in a large funk band, and later in a brass quintet. Those were fun, as she was playing trumpet- her primary instrument.
She was learning bass, and played a little with a string band I was in. She didnt have the drive or attention span for the style and it didnt go very far.
We also tried a duet but she wasnt as focused or organized as I was, so that didnt go very far either.
Now our son is 2, and music has been my thing to go do alone. But we hope when he's older we can do a family band.
I've been gigging a long time and played with couples a bunch, I'm not sure if the ratio was any better or worse than none coupled musicians being a problem. Being an idiot was always more of a threat to band harmony than couples, being an idiot knows no gender.
Mine have been fine... My wife was the 2nd drummer in my main band (we're up to #4 now) and played in that band for 4 years, no issues, before she quit.
I'm in another band with her currently, as well as another couple - and no issues in 2.5 years.
I wish Mrs. was at least somewhat musical.
My wife is a good singer and keyboard player … she is retired from music …
Her taste in music is more 80s power pop with lots of keyboards and harmonies. My tastes are I like heavier, louder, and more progressive music.
Yes 11 years together, 6 in one band and I'm the occasional fill in for her dance pop band
In two bands (5 years and 2 years) with my wife. I think once we had a subdued practice because we were in the midst of a heated debate before practice.
Now with my ex-wife, no. That would have never worked. Hence why she is an ex.
I broke the cardinal rule and joined an originals band lead/managed by a married male/female couple about six months ago. So far, nothing obvious, but I'm sure in private they collude and conspire, and I know he will do whatever it takes to keep her happy. They make some dumb band decisions, and I can see this running its course soon.
I never worry about intermarriage drama, because that's par for the course. I have to put up with two unmarried band mates disagreeing just as often. I worry more about the voting block and nepotism with tough decisions or suggestions. You'll almost always be dealing with a tag team mentality.
In a classic country band with a wife/husband team, we all work pretty well together.
If only I could replace the drummer...
I have not played in a band with my spouse. However, I was in a band where the BL/Guitarist and drummer were married. How are you going to fire the drummer in this situation? You don't. You fire yourself and find a different band.
I was in a trio years ago with my girlfriend at the time, who I lived with. It was a really good experience. We both agreed ahead of time to maintain our independence in terms of musical ideas and opinions and we stuck to it. So not a spouse, but I can't imagine a good reason why a spouse would be any more difficult.