In a band with your spouse?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by John M Ewers, May 28, 2019.

  1. John M Ewers

    John M Ewers Supporting Member

    Oct 17, 2018
    Forsyth, IL
    What are your experiences with having a band with your spouse?
    Last edited: May 28, 2019
  2. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once...

    Feb 24, 2013
    I hope you like being a duo, 'cause it's a huge red flag to the rest of the world ;-) ...
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  3. in my last band (covers) Drummer and singer were a married couple.... and they used to argue a lot during sound check!
    Drummer used to spend ages sound checking his drums and would always be adjusting things on the PA (PA mixing desk sat next to drummer) his wife (singer) was telling him what he needed to adjust, but he'd adjust something else instead.... used to drive me and the guitarist nuts sometimes
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  4. mrcbass


    Jan 14, 2016
    Sacramento, CA
    Some people can make it work - seems that most can't. I haven't had the "pleasure" of working in that environment, but only hear about the bad ones.

    I see the benefits of either way, but don't know you, your spouse or your potential band mates - kind of tough to offer any real advice on something like this.
    John M Ewers likes this.
  5. Biggbass

    Biggbass Supporting Member

    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
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  6. LBS-bass

    LBS-bass Guest

    Nov 22, 2017
    <sigh> I don't usually like being in a band with my spouse. For us, it rarely works. We are mismatched in terms of experience and ability and that causes some major problems.

    But right now I am in a band with him that is just a non-serious side project for a bunch of local musicians and the only rule is to not take it seriously. So I try to just take the stuff that normally would bother me in stride, and it's actually a pretty good exercise in tolerance that I think is helpful to each of us in different ways. They give me a couple of songs to sing, which doesn't happen too often, so it's kind of fun that way. But in general, being in a band together doesn't work for us.
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  7. Gravedigger Dav

    Gravedigger Dav Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 13, 2014
    Springtown, Texas
    I will never, ever be in one of those bands again. They always end up like:
  8. ak56


    Apr 2, 2015
    Carnation, Wa
    Fortunately, my wife is not musical.
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  9. CallMeAl


    Dec 2, 2016
    Ithaca Ny
    We played in a large funk band, and later in a brass quintet. Those were fun, as she was playing trumpet- her primary instrument.

    She was learning bass, and played a little with a string band I was in. She didnt have the drive or attention span for the style and it didnt go very far.

    We also tried a duet but she wasnt as focused or organized as I was, so that didnt go very far either.

    Now our son is 2, and music has been my thing to go do alone. But we hope when he's older we can do a family band.
    John M Ewers likes this.
  10. jerry

    jerry Too old for a hiptrip Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 13, 1999
    I've been gigging a long time and played with couples a bunch, I'm not sure if the ratio was any better or worse than none coupled musicians being a problem. Being an idiot was always more of a threat to band harmony than couples, being an idiot knows no gender.:thumbsup:
  11. Mine have been fine... My wife was the 2nd drummer in my main band (we're up to #4 now) and played in that band for 4 years, no issues, before she quit.

    I'm in another band with her currently, as well as another couple - and no issues in 2.5 years.
  12. dalkowski

    dalkowski It's "rout," not "route." Supporting Member

    May 20, 2009
    Massachusetts USofA
    I wish Mrs. was at least somewhat musical.
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  13. Ric5

    Ric5 Inactive

    Jan 29, 2008
    I like 5, 8, 10, and 12 string basses
    My wife is a good singer and keyboard player … she is retired from music …

    Her taste in music is more 80s power pop with lots of keyboards and harmonies. My tastes are I like heavier, louder, and more progressive music.
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  14. /\/\3phist0

    /\/\3phist0 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) mmm Woody! DHDIK? Sweet Treets.

    Yes 11 years together, 6 in one band and I'm the occasional fill in for her dance pop band
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
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  15. bassburner

    bassburner Supporting Member

    Dec 8, 2008
    In two bands (5 years and 2 years) with my wife. I think once we had a subdued practice because we were in the midst of a heated debate before practice.

    Now with my ex-wife, no. That would have never worked. Hence why she is an ex.
    John M Ewers likes this.
  16. I broke the cardinal rule and joined an originals band lead/managed by a married male/female couple about six months ago. So far, nothing obvious, but I'm sure in private they collude and conspire, and I know he will do whatever it takes to keep her happy. They make some dumb band decisions, and I can see this running its course soon.

    I never worry about intermarriage drama, because that's par for the course. I have to put up with two unmarried band mates disagreeing just as often. I worry more about the voting block and nepotism with tough decisions or suggestions. You'll almost always be dealing with a tag team mentality.
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  17. Ian McLaughlin

    Ian McLaughlin

    Aug 11, 2018
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  18. I have not played in a band with my spouse. However, I was in a band where the BL/Guitarist and drummer were married. How are you going to fire the drummer in this situation? You don't. You fire yourself and find a different band.
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  19. TNCreature

    TNCreature Jinkies! Supporting Member

    Jan 25, 2010
    Philadelphia Burbs
  20. BurtMacklinFBI

    BurtMacklinFBI Degen from Up-Country

    Apr 3, 2018
    I was in a trio years ago with my girlfriend at the time, who I lived with. It was a really good experience. We both agreed ahead of time to maintain our independence in terms of musical ideas and opinions and we stuck to it. So not a spouse, but I can't imagine a good reason why a spouse would be any more difficult.
    John M Ewers likes this.