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in teh spirit of jeff foxwothry... you may be a jazz cat if

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by soundofphysics, Feb 3, 2001.

  1. soundofphysics


    Jul 17, 2000
    ... you may be a jazz cat if

    1.rock music puts you to sleep
    2.when your friends ask who you're "favorite group" is you respond trane's quintet on blue train
    3.you've ever beaten someone up for asking you to play smoke on the water
    4.after a sentence you've said your friends have ever resonded- "miles davis" yeah i've heard of him
    5.when in high school when your friends had posters of whatever was hip you had a jaco poster
    6.you have a tattoo that says "Bird Lives"
    7.when you look at the billboard charts and get pissed because you can't find pat metheny
    8.you've ever gotten a gig in a metal band and played walking lines the entire show
    9.you watched the ken burns jazz series and said outloud that you could have done it better
    10you've cracked an upright bass over a member of blink 182's head
    11.you've gotten an anuerism because you overheard someone say flea is the best bassist ever
    12.you wih you could make your cheeks bulge like diz, and wouldn't mind hte ramifications of a permenantly disfigured face
    13.you've attempted to sabotage the grammy awards for nominating kenny g
    14.you insist ornette coleman invented punk music
    15.lester young is secretly you're grandfather

    and the number one proof you might be a jazz cat....
    you play music every day of your life, get a record deal, tour the world, win awards, and noone still knows who you are
  2. JWC

    JWC Banned

    Oct 4, 2000

    also you might be a jazz cat if....

    You can't find a gig.

    You have to live with your girlfriend because you are homeless.

    You play better than anyone in any rock group, but make a hell of alot less money in gigs.

  3. You know, this one really isn't too far off the mark, if you take into consideration how many times Lou Reed has spouted off about Ornette being his biggest influence.
  4. Christopher


    Apr 28, 2000
    New York, NY
    ...you post regularly on the DB board and have never been Fuqua'd!
  5. soundofphysics


    Jul 17, 2000
    how does one get fuqua'd, lol waht is getting fuqua'd actually i've heard it mentioned a million times
  6. spoolie


    Nov 30, 2000
    You complain when PBS airs 21 hours of jazz history
  7. Christopher


    Apr 28, 2000
    New York, NY
    To be "Fuqua'd" is to be flamed by Ed Fuqua, the DB Board's resident bulls**t detector. If you're ignorant about double bass or jazz, he'll inform you in no uncertain terms.
  8. soundofphysics


    Jul 17, 2000
    lol, Ed hasn't gotten to me yet, and i've already done that, lol. It's kinda like being in vietnam hiding behind bushes waiting knowing the VC will find you, lol.
    in self defense however i wasn't complaining about all 21 hours, i was quite foudn of most of it actually and foudn it to be highly valuable for archival, as well as informative purposes.
  9. spoolie


    Nov 30, 2000
    Sorry, "soundof" ... I didn't mean YOU complained, just "you might be a jazz cat" if you complained.
  10. If you quote Bird songs on a country gig.
  11. gweimer


    Apr 6, 2000
    Columbus, OH
    ....if you call off the tones of the door squeaks in your house.
  12. Gear_Junky


    Jul 11, 2000
    This is pretty cool :) I play in a couple of jazz bands, but I can only play jazz on drums. I could never understand those jazz chord progression thingies :) I can only play rock-type music on bass and guitar. But I like jazz (wish I knew more about it) and these jokes are funny.
  13. Deeter


    Dec 5, 2000
    San Fransico, CA
    You got physically ill the year Kenny G won, "Jazz Artist of the Year," at the Grammys. <twitch> <shudder> :D
  14. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    ...if you unfailingly dwell on the downsides of other musicians, other types of music, and other instruments, other than those you enjoy.

    (That's not directed at anyone specifically who has posted here. Just what I've experienced. Great artists and all they get is, pick...pick...pick).
  15. Phee


    Jan 2, 2001
    how the hell DID kenny g win jazz artist of the year? i read this thing pat metheny wrote about kenny g...the thing was unbelievably long and insulting the entire time. at one point in the paper pat metheny said that if he ever ran into kenny g, he'd "give him a piece of his mind, and maybe a guitar wrapped around his neck" hehehe
  16. Gel


    Mar 26, 2000
    Tauranga, New-Zeland
    Here is the answer: the awards have very little to do with actual music most of the time. Seldom do deserving artists win or even get near nomination.
    So, Kenny G got the most media attention, and he is classified as a jazz player because he 'plays' a 'saxophone' :D

    Anyway, that's it: the media dominates Hollywood, Hollywood dominates the world.
  17. Deeter


    Dec 5, 2000
    San Fransico, CA

    What Gel said is pretty much the case.

    I didn't know Metheney had such bone to pick with him, that puts a big 'ole :D on my face. That article wouldn't be online somewhere would it? I'd love to read it.
  18. I read that tirade, and it was WONDERFUL! :D

    I don't have a link directly to it, but if you dig around on his website, it may still be there:


    ...have fun! ;)
  19. Phee


    Jan 2, 2001
    i'll have to ask my dad about a link. he's a sax player and read it somewhere on a sax discussion board
  20. Deeter


    Dec 5, 2000
    San Fransico, CA
    Great! Thanks for the link, Gard.

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