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Inappropriate actions demand inappropriate posts.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Benjamin Strange, Sep 5, 2003.


  1. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    So I am in a weird situation. I just moved to SF 3 weeks ago, into a house with roommates I had never met. Things are good. Enter the friend of roommate/landlord-type-person. Friend of roommate is cute, smart, and friendly. Friend and me hit it off, and well... taa-dow. Not a normal thing for me at all; I'm from the South. All of a sudden friend will not talk to me. Blocked my AIM name, the whole bit. Southern boy is not happy; wants to see said friend again. No contact.

    This is a problem, but not THE problem. THE problem is this: friend keeps coming over to hang out with roommate/landlord-type-person, who knows about the whole thing. Friend does not want to talk to me; ignores me completely, and rebuffs any attempts to communicate. Does not want to be friends, even. I can accept this, even though I am not happy about it. BUT I LIVE HERE!!! My heart is hurting, and I can't even escape her to get over it.

    So, is it appropriate to ask roommate/landlord-type-person to not bring her over anymore? Or should I have to flee/hide anytime she comes over? I feel like a prisoner in my own house. This is hell.

    Yeah, this is an innapropriate post, but I dont' have any friends here yet to talk to about it. Besides, the voice of reason speaks in numbers. What do you guys/gals think?
     
  2. yoshi

    yoshi

    Jul 12, 2002
    England, London
    Just stick it out, shes probably only hangting about to get a reaction, who knows why, maybe she misses thee too?

    If all else fails, wait till shes sleeping on the couch and BAM! Shave her head bald.
     
  3. Women... They can be sooooooo complicated sometimes...
     
  4. wulf

    wulf

    Apr 11, 2002
    Oxford, UK
    Dangerous advice from young Yoshi, there....

    If you do such a thing, she'll probably be seeking you down and you won't want to be found!:ninja:

    What does the roommate/landlord-type-person have to say about things?

    Wulf
     
  5. Johnny BoomBoom

    Johnny BoomBoom Supporting Member

    Jun 8, 2001
    Glasgow, Scotland
    Not such good news....

    Sorry, but my only advice is to move on. You've just got to try to be bigger than this. Ignore the situation - you can't expect the roomate/landlord to drop friends because his new roommate of 3 weeks isn't happy. I mean if your were in his shoes, would you be happy doing that.

    Move on - and whilst I know it isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, it's about all you can do!

    All the best!
     
  6. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    Confront her and "force" her to talk about it.
     
  7. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Ha, I did "force" a conversation, which would have never happenend otherwise. The only info I was able to pry out of our very short converstion was that she doesn't want to be friends with me. ***? She never even offered to explain why, which is probably the worst part for me; not knowing what went wrong.

    Trust me, I do want to move on and forget about all this, but it's hard when she keeps coming over here to crash. Not cool.

    BTW, roommate/landlady has only known this girl about a week or two longer than me. Does that make a difference?
     
  8. Did you say anything that might of upsetted her? Think about what you talked about and said when you were with her, then review it in your mind and possibly come up with a solution as to why she might not want to be friends with you anymore. Or, if you can't find one...then someone needs to start research on why girls are so weird and complicated :meh:
     
  9. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Well, I interrupted her TV show she was watching... that seemed to upset her.

    Get out your lab coats... girls are nuts.
     
  10. Johnny BoomBoom

    Johnny BoomBoom Supporting Member

    Jun 8, 2001
    Glasgow, Scotland

    Sorry - I had thought that their 'friendship' ahd been longer.

    I guess she is out to antagonise you - try not to let her...

    Not much else I can suggest - other than maybe move?

    Good luck!
     
  11. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    so, let me get this straight - you guys hit it off, and then now she doesn't want to talk to you? what happened? rhetorical question.

    as for her visiting - suck it up. she's your roomate/landlord's friend. deal with it. be nice and cordial and don't push it. basically act like nothing's wrong. that's my advice.

    what does your roomate think of all this drama?
     
  12. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Rhetorical question? Well, I said taa-dow... The chick literally pulled me into bed with her, and not just to play tiddlywinks. Is this how everybody acts in California?

    As for her visiting, yeah, I am just going to have to suck it up. I think it's total BS that people have to pretend that nothing is wrong instead of facing their problems, but it takes two to tango. I can't force her to tell me what the problem is. :rolleyes:

    Roommate thinks this whole thing is stupid, and thinks I'm being too sensitive. She thinks that this girl is being immature, and is not worth my time. I guess she's right.

    I feel like the Beverly Hillbillies. I wonder how Jethro would have felt?
     
  13. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Along these lines...You moved to San Fran for a reason right? Get on with getting things together there. Relationships on all levels come and go.(easy for me to say)

    But did/do you really know anyone well enough there to get that emotional over?

    Look out for #1, and let the world you make develope for you. Cool cars(read: attractive/interesting people) always pass you by in the street, stop and admire them, but don't get run over by one.
     
  14. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    i've found that when things aren't clear, they're often a lot harder to accept. when i know that's the case though and nothing's going to change it, then i have to figure out how i'm going to make peace with myself.

    lots of people have impossible times expressing themselves, and many don't even know themselves why they do the things they do or feel what they feel. prodding her past a certain point will probably be futile, and will almost definitley widen the gap btwn whatever you did/do have between you.

    just for it's 2 cents worth - my course of action would have been to say, "listen, i really need to talk to you....", put all my cards on the table, and ask her if she could level with me so i could set my spirit free ;) . after that didn't work i'd do the ol e-mail - "dear friend, i'm confused and hurt. i have a rough time closing doors sometimes, and really need to close this one. it would be soooo helpful to me if you could give me an inkling to the reason for your sudden disintrest. i will not stalk you, hound you, or bother any after this email - i'd just like a little closure. a little understanding. and maybe one more time in bed."

    i absolutely would not tell my roomate to not have her come over anymore. it's not her problem. it's a good challenge for you though. something to grow past.

    good luck.
     
  15. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Well, here goes.

    First, you are from a different background than she is. And likely has different expectations than you from what a relationship means.

    Face it, she just used you to satisfy her own urges. Ugly but true. And she rejects the notion that you may have wanted it to be more. To her, the physical relationship meant nothing.

    Take it from an old fish guy, there are a lot of fish in the sea. I have heard SF can be paradise for straight guys as there are so few around that are available who are not committed. So time to pack up the rod and go trolling. Get your sorry behind out the door and start meeting people out there.

    I presume you have your own space and a modicum of privacy. Utilize it. Bag this chick, she's bad news. Time to make it yesterday's bad news.

    Thor
     
  16. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    -ding- -ding- -ding- :)
     
  17. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Well, after getting some good sleep and having the wonderful folks at TB kick my tuckass, I'm letting all this go. It's not fair that she won't tell me what's wrong, or have any closure on the matter. But then again, maybe she thinks there is nothing wrong and I was just a piece of meat. I was used any way you look at it. I guess she didn't count on me being a sensitive artist :D

    Her loss. She seemed cool, but her actions speak differently. I will be polite when she is here, and that's it. Nothing I can do to maker her change, so I will just be me (which will probably make her realize what she missed out on. Ha!).

    Who was it that said living well was the best revenge?
     
  18. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    ooo, i bet you that once you start playing hard to get she's going to be all over you.
     
  19. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Yeah! And then I can tell her to slag off!:D
     
  20. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Watch your back Bass! Just get your life together in SF.

    You'll discover that the coy and sly ones can do the most damage to you because they're never on the level.