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Iraq vs. Kentucky 2003

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by DigMe, Feb 21, 2003.

  1. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Uh-oh - I'm 'bout to get politico up in herr. :eek:

    From http://www.theonion.com/onion3906/iraq_kentucky_vie.html

    Iraq, Kentucky Vie for World Shooting-Into-The-Air Supremacy

    COON HOLLOW, KY—In a rivalry that shows no signs of abating, Iraq and Kentucky remain locked in a bitter struggle for world shooting-into-the-air supremacy.

    "I'll be damned if any Muslim's gonna beat the great state of Kentucky at what she do best," said Coon Hollow resident Billy Joe Dupree, 39, in between bouts of firing his shotgun skyward Monday. "We been shootin' into the air for all kinds 'a reasons since they was a Kentucky, and that's a fact. Why, even my wall-eyed cousin Mavis could outshoot one o' them Muslims, and she ain't hardly finished the fifth grade."

    Aziz Hourani, 24, of Baghdad, took exception to Dupree's claims of air-shooting superiority.

    "Such is our anger at the Great Satan that we send many bullets into the air every day," said Hourani, raising his AK-47 carbine and firing several rounds. "No one can surpass us at shooting upwards—and certainly not the Americans."

    Though worlds apart geographically and culturally, Iraq and Kentucky each boast rich traditions of vertical marksmanship.

    "Expressing one's feelings and emotions via the firing of guns into the air is an ancient and noble artform," said Henri St. Germain, president of the Federation Internationale des Discharges-Aeriales (FIDA), the sport's governing body. "In fact, it may even predate the practice of expressing one's feelings and emotions by shooting into other humans. And nowhere on Earth does this tradition continue to thrive more than in Iraq and Kentucky. It is a vital part of these two unique cultures."

    Continued St. Germain: "Whether shooting to celebrate a successful moonshine heist from neighboring kinfolk or the downfall of an imperialist Western regime, Kentucky and Iraq bring an undeniable passion and pride to their craft."

    According to FIDA officials, in head-to-head competition, Iraq and Kentucky are closely matched.

    "From a technical standpoint, the two competitors are virtually dead-even, with different but equally strong styles," veteran FIDA judge Olivier Resnais said. "The Iraqis' preference for automatic military weapons give them the edge in rounds-fired-into-the-air-per-minute, whereas the Kentucky double-barreled shotgun or squirrel rifle has a much greater bore, allowing for a louder, more full-bodied sound and a much greater weight of vertically propelled lead per shot."

    "In terms of vocal style, they are again different yet similar, with the gun wielders of each region doing their best to drown out their weapon's report through fervent yelling of their native calls," Resnais continued. "Though they may have different meanings, the cries of 'Yeeeee-haw!' and 'Allahu akbar!' are, in spirit, not actually all that different."


    brad cook
  2. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    Gee, thats something...:rolleyes: And I live in the state beside theirs...God help us all...

    Imbreaders:meh: ;) :D
  3. ...as always, The Onion scoops the "bigs", and is probably more accurate to boot!


  4. Jeff in TX

    Jeff in TX Supporting Member

    Nov 1, 2000
    Lone Star State
    :D :D :D
  5. Brad Barker

    Brad Barker

    Apr 13, 2001
    berkeley, ca

    damn, that's pessimistic. :eek:
  6. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    You should hear the fusillade of gunfire in my area 12:00 AM New Years Day. Continuous for 10-15 minutes after the "big ball" drops.

  7. BigBohn


    Sep 29, 2001
    WPB, Florida

    Yeah, don't want those breads to mix together. :p
  8. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    Oh dear... do stay inside, as those bullets will tend to fall to the ground at pretty much the same rate they were sent heavenward...
  9. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY

    I might have thought this article was pretty funny, but for this to be posted by someone from Texas, well.....I'd say that's hypocritical, but since no one down there can even pronounce "hypocritical" - much less spell it - what would be the point?

    An yew kin yuk it up 'bout how danged backards we be up in these here parts, but ah gotta say ah'm jus proud t'be from a place where most fella's ****s is bigger'n they belt buckles. :)
  10. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Ah. So big ****s are a sign of inbreeding then?

    brad cook
  11. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY

    Nah, big ****s are a sign of a genetic crapshoot. Wearing big hats and using steer horns as hood ornaments as a way of compensating for a disproportionately large belt buckle, on the other hand.....THOSE are signs of inbreeding. :)
  12. Jeremy_X


    Jan 29, 2002
    oooohhhhh my sides, laughing to hard.
  13. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    KentuckyJunior:"Uncle Daddy, why's yousa shootin' yo gun inin the air?"

    Kentucky Daddy: "You ask more questions than yo Cousin Sis, boy, now git back to huntin' them aluminum cans...we's almost got enough saved up fer one 'o dem fancy Tessis hood ornamints!"

    brad cook
  14. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    ROFLMAO....I didn't mean to start anything...I hope I did not offend anyone...but DigMe...That is hilarious.:D
  15. Judging by this morning's news I think an bet on Ireland's UDF is also worth a flutter.
  16. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    What are they up to now? Haven't heard anything over here...
  17. ......the mexicans around here do the same shiat,, it really pisses me off... this also reminds me of the movie the Mexican...
  18. Benbass


    Jan 28, 2002
    My neighbors must be from Kentucky. They went nuts on New Year's eve!
  19. Damn, I came into this one late. But as someone from Kentucky, I must say that is embarassing.

    At least I shot a stuff other than clouds in my drunken teenage stupors. Ya know, stuff like old cars, tvs, propane tanks, just about anything in the junkyard. :rolleyes:

    I mean why waste bullets if you dont get the satisfaction from shooting something that you can destroy?
  20. Stu L.

    Stu L.

    Nov 27, 2001
    Corsicana, Texas
    Just showin my support fer Texas! And whats that "H" werd yu kepe usin? hyper-whut?

    Stuff like this makes me wonder what it is Dig-Me does all day. :D

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