Is it me, or them..?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Thomas Kievit, Feb 20, 2014.

  1. Thomas Kievit

    Thomas Kievit Guest

    May 19, 2012
    I've been thinking about something for a while now : several people from my high school (and also some people I went out with to disco's and pubs) are married and have children.

    Yeah I know, each to his own but they all have a partner that is either 10 years older or younger than themselves..

    I don't really see the point of having children as a girl with the age of 19 / 20 while your husband is somewhere around 30. Shouldn't they make fun, go out and make fun with some people from their own age?

    And the allround question I've heard a billion times : ''When are you gonna marry and / or gonna have children?''.
    Huh, I'm only 23 years old, a bit young to have children in my own holy opion that is.. I think somewhere around 26 / 27 years old is a nice age (and of course a partner that is around the same age like me :p ).

    But looking at the fact I know more people with children or those who are married makes me wonder : is there something I missed or is it just something from ''one of these days''?
  2. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    Well, different people mature and experience life at different rates. In many of those relationships the older partner provides financial stability the younger partner hasn't achieved yet. Doesn't mean people can't/don't love each other just as genuinely as two of the same age do. One of my older brothers got married for the first time at 54, to a women of 39 - 9 months later they both had their first child. HE adores his very pretty younger wife, she adores her stable, hard-working husband - all is good. This is all funny to me as I just turned 54, my youngest (out of 4 +3 steps) lives at college. Imo having kids is best for younger people physically, but older parents have career/finances advantages that may make it less stressful for all. You're young - plenty of time....ask those nosy people if they are going to feed and diaper the kid for you.
  3. Tony Flow MMMM

    Tony Flow MMMM

    Dec 4, 2012
    Some people being married is "making fun" second if you want to have kids by 26 you should be making the first steps now.
  4. Ironbar


    Aug 24, 2013
    Portland, Oregon
    You could have ended this posting there and gotten it correct right out of the gate.
  5. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    I got married at 38.

    I am the example.
  6. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    32 here. We talked about kids long enough that I got to be too damn old. Ah well.
  7. machine gewehr

    machine gewehr

    Sep 17, 2005
    Almost 30 here. Dodged a a mortar no a nuclear warhead once. :D
  8. msact


    Jan 8, 2013
    Somewhere in NJ
    Some people aren't necessarily interested in partying their brains out when they are young. I was one of those.

    You can't contol who you fall in love with. I never thought I would meet the right person, but one day I met a woman who was visiting from Mexico and I just knew. Seven weeks later we were married. We had kids late, but that was not because we didn't want them. The only thing that separated us after nearly 23 years of marriage was her untimely death. You can't have rules for these things. Your heart will tell you when the time is right and mostly likely the person will be completely different than what you might have envisioned.
  9. absolutely. love didn't matter age. perhaps yours will be 15 years older..? who knows ?
  10. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Married at 30. One kid at 32. I still felt I wasn't old enough and ready for either one of these things.
  11. DiabolusInMusic

    DiabolusInMusic Functionless Art is Merely Tolerated Vandalism Supporting Member

    Well I hope your friends marrying partners ten years younger are older than you are...

    In regards to your questions, it is both. Some folks never get married and have kids, they are called happy people.
  12. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Supporting Member

    Jan 13, 2008
    Tampa, FL.
    I've already told my gal not to expect anything until I'm almost 30 years old :p

    I have a lot of personal goals in life, and having a wife and kids when I'm young will simply get in the way of achieving them. Just do whatever makes you happy :)
  13. Bloodhammer

    Bloodhammer Twinkle Twinkle Black Star

    Jul 7, 2009
    Shreveport, Louisiana
    From what I understand, having a kid at 20 is supposed to fix your broken relationship with your partner. It will apparently bring the two of you together like never before, since you created a life together - and erase the fact that he/she cheated on you from your thoughts. It's best to be unemployed and have no future plans for optimum results.
  14. There's pluses and minuses to both.

    Get married/have kids early - you can enjoy the best years of your life after the kids have left home (hopefully) while you have money and health. You will even have time to start a decent career or have a second career taking this route. All this dependent upon if you feel you're ready to settle down and you've met the right person.

    Get married/have kids late - more mature and financially secure but your kids will be leaving home about the time you retire, or later and you will have less energy during their early years as you are likely in the most productive yet stressful part of your working life. You will have limited time to enjoy life post-kids as impending health issues and fixed income become the norm after retiring.

    I opted to get married and have kids late mostly because I wasn't ready. I dodged a large number of divorces along the way as well.

    As far as the age difference goes - the difficulty will be having the younger party feel they are an equal in the relationship as time goes on. The younger person will be willing to defer to the older partner for the first couple of years but eventually, the younger will want to have equal say, then the fireworks begin.
  15. Parental urges are a sign of a diseased mind, you are fine OP.

  16. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    Hold on! You're 23 and you've been out to discos? I thought most of those things died out in the 70s. :p
  17. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member


  18. StevieMac

    StevieMac Supporting Member

    Mar 17, 2005
    Vancouver, BC
    There's no wrong or right way to do it.
  19. marko138


    May 24, 2013
    Perry County PA
    Married at 24. First (and only) child at 30. I feel too old sometimes but I can't imagine having a child at a younger age. Now, having a second child at my age, FORGET IT. LOL.
  20. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA