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Is it time to leave?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by FenderJazzFan, May 20, 2011.

  1. FenderJazzFan


    Feb 19, 2009
    I'm currently in a band with my 3 of my friends from school; however I am getting quite fed up with the situations arising within it.

    One major problem is the split in the band. I consider myself an Indy / Pop / Blues / R &B / Hip Hop/ Electro fan, whilst the drummer is obsessed with prog and metal; although this is not the issue. The issue is that the lead guitarist and the singer/rhythm guitarist are both obsessed with post punk / hardcore. Unfortunately, these two unite and end up dominating all the original work in the band. This is rather aggrivating for me as I now dislike a lot of our music. I feel that that the drummers and my contributions are marginalised and any feedback we give is ignored. This is a particular problem for the drummer because his music taste is the most niche. I am also annoyed when my music taste is considered the niche; the gui****s believe that post hardcore utilising distorted eights and the odd riff, is music for the intellectually enlightened.

    Another annoyance is the way the singer guitarist gets very defensive and doesn't take feedback well. For instance, when I disprove of his awful chord progressions or point out his pitch isn't correct, he will get very agitated and give me the silent treatment the rest of the rehearsal.

    I accept I am not blameless, I haven't been very enthusiastic about this band and haven’t contributed much outside basslines and backing vocals, but I’m beginning to wonder whether it is worth continuing.

    There are three reasons I haven’t left already, one being the fact that these guys are probably my best friends and since we will be going to different Universities in September, I don't wish to leave them with negative memories of me. The second larger reason is that the band will be making an EP over the summer which I know would be good fun and an opportunity I wouldn't like to miss out on. Furthermore, if I were to leave, I would not like the idea that they continue using any of my creative input, particularly in the studio and I would be very vocal if they were to use it without my consent.

    The final reason is that I would be without a band. Seeing as I will be moving to a different part of the country in 6 months and returning only in the holidays, no local band would want me leaving me without a band over the summer. I would certainly miss the excitement of gigging.

    Contemplating this information, I had been planning to leave after we make the EP, however I don’t know if I will be able to stick it out that long. Particularly with the latest decision by the gui****s that our sets should focus on new material for each gig, despite the fact people don’t know our songs. The only other thought, is that I do look forward to rehearsal, but I don't enjoy it when I'm there. Is it time to go now?
  2. tangentmusic

    tangentmusic A figment of our exaggeration

    Aug 17, 2007
  3. FenderJazzFan


    Feb 19, 2009
    Care to elaborate?
  4. Time to move on. If you stay, you will only get more frustrated.
  5. Marginal Tom

    Marginal Tom

    Apr 28, 2010
    O'Fallon, IL
    You're asking us to decide whether it is best to disappoint your friends and stop playing music altogether until September (at least) or to play material you dislike?

    Only you can answer that question. We have no idea how much or how little you value those friendships, how much you want to record the EP, how much you'd hate not playing, or how much it bothers you to play material you don't like.

    If it were me, I'd endure the bad music for the sake of my friends. If it bothered me as much as it apparently bothers you to play "bad" material, I'd look for another hobby.
  6. tangentmusic

    tangentmusic A figment of our exaggeration

    Aug 17, 2007
    When you are not enjoying your band any longer or dont like the music you're playing or are having clashes that cause you to want out, It's time to get out.
  7. sounds like you and the drummer need to go and shake a few trees.

    I guarantee a few guitarists and singers will fall out. They are everywhere :)
  8. Shakin-Slim


    Jul 23, 2009
    Tokyo, Japan
    Personally I'd stick it out. It's only a few more months, you get to jam with your mates, even if the music isn't particularly your thing, recording an EP is a good experience and you'll have a lot of fun no doubt and when you go to Uni there will be like-minded musicians you can collaborate with. Especially with a taste as broad as what you listed there :p
  9. Finish the gig, then your friends now will more than likely be thoughts from the past in twenty years. If not, then you have something to BS about twenty years later. Music is personal so you need brothers that think along the same terms as far as likes & dislikes. A conversation with possible mates is all you need to figure out if their way is your way. Then you see if styles mesh or mess hahahaha!!!! Your young, seem concerned with your friends feelings and thats a good quality. You'll have a great chance to find possible brothers at school, so everything is looking up. Take that thought to rehearsal and let the quitarists have their way. Quitarists are the first to quit music because you can't get by on youthfull ego once you reach a certain age. Lets see how they do once your gone, maybe they'll miss their backbone drummer and foundation bass. good luck at school. Doc.
  10. mambo4


    Jun 9, 2006
    this should be your #1 consideration.

    If they are true friends, it will withstand you leaving -just don't be a d*ck about it.

    there are other bands and other EPs to record.
  11. Alembic86


    Feb 19, 2008
    Argyle, TX
    This was my first impression also...why waste the investment of time and talent you've already made? At least when you get down the road you'll have something to show for it. If the recording sucks then you'll have something to point and laugh at. The experience of making it is at least is worth sticking it out.
  12. IbanezBass69


    Jul 14, 2010
    Are you having fun? Sounds like the answer is no. The minute you stop enjoying something, why on earth would you keep doing it? That makes sense in just about every other aspect of life, except paying taxes, and it works for music as well.
  13. Nickthebass


    May 22, 2010
    Scotland, UK
    My advice would be to relax and focus on taking every opportunity to make yourself a better bass player.When you quit (let's be honest it's a question of when not if) you still want to be friends with these guys so relax and let go of the frustration. Very very few people stay in the first band they started with their friends.

    I would suggest you focus on the EP and nail your parts really well. Then when you move on in September you can use it as a calling card to get yourself into new bands at university.

    As for not gigging at university!!! Don't be daft. Get out and audition for anything and everything when you get there. The one thing you know is that there will be thousands of people your age pouring into town who know absolutely no-one.

    If you can't read music then start learning. Audition for the big band, go for pit bands for the musicals (there are bound to be some). There will probably be a society for DJs playing dance stuff ... hook up with them and suggest merging some live instruments with their sets.

    Even in a big university there won't be that many good bass players so take every opportunity to get your name out there.

    If you get your time at uni working right you should be gigging more and coming out the other end a much more experienced player. Also you might make a bit of a name for yourself and make some extra cash. I know that I came out a more experienced musician with a lot more confidence. Embrace your time away...you will never have more free time in your life than you will in the next 3 / 4 years.
  14. Honesty. Let the others know that you are not happy with the way things are going. If they want you to stick it out through the recording of the ep you are willing, but they should not plan on your services after that. Odds are if they recognize that you are not that committed they will find a replacement. You can look at your staying as doing a favor for your friends and relax about how things are going. They are not left high and dry and you can make a smooth exit when the time comes.
  15. I think you have answered your own question in your situation report. It seems like this band has become like "nails scraping a blackboard" to you.

    Why delay moving on to happier times with folks aligned with your interests?
  16. If you 'dislike' the music, then why would you want to be involved in it?
  17. cassanova


    Sep 4, 2000
    I'll ask it since nobody else has.

    You said the singer guitarist gets very defensive and don't take feedback well. Are you coming off as rude, arrogant, anal, etc, to where you're giving them a valid reason to be defensive? If you are, then rethink your tone and how you provide feedback. If you're not, then don't worry about it. Only you know the answer to that one.
  18. Old fart perspective here.

    Bands ALWAYS end.


    It is important to recognise the relationships you want to preserve, but if they are not going to last past the end of the band then they are not going to last, because....


    My advice to you is, be sure you know what you want , and be sure you are not being unreasonable in your expectations....then if it isn't your thing, plan your exit strategy. Which is either telling them you want to move, or telling them in September that your college commitments make the band not viable.

    Be nice, be supportive, and if you can stand it play through to a logical stopping point (which may be September).

    Good luck. Your situation sucks a bit, but this is probably not the last time you will be in this place.

    Because you will probably join other bands, and I may not have mentioned this but bands ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS end.

    Only the young think a band is permanent.
  19. jmac


    May 23, 2007
    Horsham, Pa
    If you're not going to give 100% then you're wasting your time. You could be using this time to improve your craft; i.e. woodshedding.
  20. So lets say you do the EP, you get famous, you now have to play this music you hate over and over and over.

    Then you have to do another EP, write more songs, and you have to stick to the genre you're now famous for.

    Is this something you'd want to do? Getting paid to do something that makes you miserable? You can get that, with a lot more reliable paycheck with a day job.

    That's the best case scenario.

    Now think about it like this: You're input is being ignored, you're playing music you hate over and over and over. And you're not getting paid, spending a lot of time getting frustrated with how things are going, getting frustrated with your friends (who if they were really your friends, instead of self centered jerks, would not be ignoring your input, throwing temper tantrums when you point out their mistakes). You really want to be wasting your time being miserable for free?

    You can try to stick it out, but may blow up in a moment of frustration and end up saying things you won't be able to take back and ruining the friendships. Or you can break it off early while you can do it nicely.

    Those are your options, but its up to you.

    I'm currently sticking in a band with a horrible drummer I hate playing with because the singer is great, and a pretty decent guitar player, and a friend.

    Sometimes you gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em. Up to you to decide which is which.


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