Is our Keyboard Player ghosting us?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by 51PRI, Oct 24, 2021.


  1. 51PRI

    51PRI

    Aug 7, 2014
    None
    The original band that I'm in had it's last rehearsal on February 20, 2020. We all got vaccinated and we were all set to get restarted late last month. Our Keyboard Player texted back that he was having trouble with AT&T and needed another week, so rehearsal was reset for the next week. The the next week he texted us that he had fallen in his home and knocked himself out. His wife had to call 911 and take him to the emergency room for stitches. He also has shoulder pain. So we said get better and let's start back up when you're ready. That was three weeks ago and we haven't heard from him. Okay, maybe it was worse than we thought, except...the other guitar player in the band drove by his work and his truck was there. He has a computer based job which isn't strenuous, but neither is playing a keyboard that is already set up.

    Is he ghosting us?

    What should we do?
     
  2. Can you reach out to him and ask what’s going on?
     
    GreyEagle, One Way, SakuBass and 7 others like this.
  3. Scottgun

    Scottgun

    Jan 24, 2004
    South Carolina
    Having been on the receiving end of ghosting, I'd say with reasonable certainty that yes, he's ghosting you. It's not that hard to stay in touch by some means. He doesn't want to be in the band but can't work up the nerve to make a clean break. Help him find the door.

    Send a final text or leave a note on his truck saying, "Since you haven't been in touch, we are looking for a new keyboard player. Please come pick up your equipment as soon as possible."
     
  4. 51PRI

    51PRI

    Aug 7, 2014
    None
    The other guitar player wants to and probably will this week. To me the ball is in the keyboard players court and it should be his responsibility to let us know when he's ready. To us if he can go to work he should be able to play keys with the band.
    Keyboard players are VERY hard to find here. Few bands even have a keyboard player. That, and the fact that the keyboard player and the drummer are pretty tight, would make getting a new keyboard player unlikely. And it's an original band which means we don't have gigs, which means that everyone in the band is doing it because they want to, and not for the money, which would make finding new players very difficult. If the keyboard player left, the drummer might leave, too, and the band would likely be over.
     
  5. Seanto

    Seanto

    Dec 29, 2005
    USA
    Don't know if i would agree with that from a priorities standpoint, as people need to work to eat. But it seems he has had some health issues and my guess is that playing keys with you all is not a priority with him right now. I'd start looking for another keys player, no reason to wait on a single member of the band to get going.
     
    Al Rivera, JRA, timmo97 and 2 others like this.
  6. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Connecticut
    Why not knock on his door rather than just driving by?
     
    crguti, JRA, One Way and 13 others like this.
  7. Scottgun

    Scottgun

    Jan 24, 2004
    South Carolina
    To go back to your question: Yes, based on what you reported, he's ghosting you. He either doesn't really want to be in the band, or only in the band on terms that suit only him to the constant chaffing of everyone else in the band. So I'll ammend slightly with three choices: 1. Dump him. 2. Continue to tolerate him stringing you along. If 2, just make sure everyone in the band is good with it. 3. Stick head in sand, pretend he's not ghosting you and disrespecting your time and efforts and hope he doesn't blow up the band
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2021
  8. I don't know about the ghosting but as somebody with chronic health issues I would not take this as anything at all. People need to earn a paycheque. I have to work but if my injuries flare up, as much as I love playing I sometimes cannot play for days or even weeks.

    I still have to go work and put food on the table and keep a roof over my head. This is with a very physical job and multiple back and shoulder injuries.

    Edit: It blows my mind the conclusions some people jump to around here with the minimal information they are given. What ever happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt or just having an open and honest conversation?
     
    rllefebv, JRA, Nashrakh and 14 others like this.
  9. Sounds like you need to fire the drummer.
     
    Gasman, coy garcia, 51PRI and 3 others like this.
  10. Slater

    Slater Leave that thing alone.

    Apr 17, 2000
    The Great Lakes State
    I don’t see why someone in the band can’t call, text, or email this keyboard player and say, “Just checking to see how you’re doing. The band misses you. We hope you’re recovering and doing well, etc…”. Then, I think the ball will be in his court.
     
  11. Yeah, just reaching out directly and seeing what’s up. His reaction to that will give you more info to make a decision.
     
  12. bolophonic

    bolophonic

    Dec 10, 2009
    Durham, NC
    If I had band members assuming that they were in a position to dictate my own priorities after a trip to the ER, I’d be out of there, too.
     
  13. Wow. So, he doesn’t even deserve the dignity/respect of a sit-down with the band?*

    The guy was knocked unconscious. That’s not necessarily something that you just pop back from. But, just as you’re coming from a place of having been ghosted, I’m coming from a place of having multiple chronic illnesses and hoping people will show me some understanding and/or offer the occasional accommodation.

    I’m more in line with the folks in this thread who are suggesting a text/email/phone call to see how the guy is feeling and going from there. Also, being able to go to work isn’t all that telling, in my mind, as that has to take priority, seeing as how medical leave in this country is usually unpaid.

    *EDIT: I see that you made a slight amendment to your original suggestion in a subsequent reply, so apologies for my original reply coming off as too aggressive.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2021
    Cloudspine likes this.
  14. 9Thumbs

    9Thumbs

    Jul 3, 2013
    Near Boston
    I had a guitar player need a month to straighten out some things. We waited the month to contact him and he never responded to calls or texts. Recently I showed up at a jam/audition and it was his band. I walked away.
    Give him some time, maybe talk to his wife/girlfriend to see how he’s doing. if he’s a good player, what’s a little more time?
     
    SixtyCycleHum and Surely_Bassy like this.
  15. Cloudspine

    Cloudspine

    Feb 4, 2020
    A lot of people are having ing post-Covid social anxiety, either because of lingering uncertainties for themselves or unvaccinated family members or because they are just stuck in a rut. I know several people like this. Maybe he needs some coaxing and could do with a non - music related adventure first for instance a walk. Idk.
     
  16. Oof, sorry to hear that. That’s the band equivalent of walking in on a girl/boyfriend while they’re, ahem…
     
    Eli_Kyiv and SixtyCycleHum like this.
  17. Killing Floor

    Killing Floor Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2020
    Austin, TX
    How did his wife call 911 if his ATT wasn’t working?

    Also, does he have keyboard spiky hair? Just curious.
     
  18. 51PRI

    51PRI

    Aug 7, 2014
    None
    Well, he was the band member who kept saying no to starting rehearsals again till everyone was vaccinated. Which we are now BTW
     
  19. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    There's only one person who can tell you what's going on and I doubt he frequents TB.
     
  20. That was my though too.

    Direct communication. Is that being done these days?
     
    JRA, whero, instrumentlevel and 2 others like this.
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

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