Is Santa Claus real? TRUTH REVEALED!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by PeaveyTNT, Dec 10, 2002.

  1. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of
    living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
    and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only
    Santa has ever seen.

    2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since
    Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist
    children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million
    according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5
    children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at
    least one good child in each.

    3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
    time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to
    west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This
    is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
    1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
    fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
    whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
    sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8
    million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we
    know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept),
    we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2
    million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least
    once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh
    is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For
    purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses
    space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional
    reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
    that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds),
    the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
    described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more
    than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could
    pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even
    nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even
    counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison
    - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

    5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
    resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
    spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
    will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short,
    they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
    behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire
    reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa,
    meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater
    than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be
    pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

    In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's
    dead now.
  2. Santa wont be happy with this, looks like youve been a naughty boy.

    You wont get any presents now!! :p

    p.s. nice copy/pasting!!
  3. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    i didnt copy paste... i swear:rolleyes:
  4. You've too much theory boy.....:D
  5. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    Wow, I haven't read this one for years. I'm glad you dug it up. It's hilarious, thanks for posting it.

    I do remember first seeing it about 6 or 7 years ago.
  6. Santa,if your reading this.....I believe....oh...BTW, that Modulus Q5 fretless we talked about....what are my chances??:D
  7. Modern Avionics has proven that it is impossible for a bumblebee to be able to fly. In addition, by using the reciprocal properties, you can prove that 10+1= 1.

    Also, considering that Santa is well over 300 years old, and he has ELVES to help him out. I think its safe to say that he's obviously developed a Warp-speed drive, or some sort of time-manipulation device.
  8. lneal


    Apr 12, 2002
    Lee County, Alabama
    That's ELVIS.
  9. AH-HA!! I knew Elvis was alive!!!
  10. Secksay

    Secksay Guest

    Sep 6, 2002
    New York, NY
    i know he's real because he's my dad.
  11. The only reasonable explanation for all of this is that, Santa, is yoda. Case closed.
  12. Some math geeks have too much time on their hands.

    "You know you're an engineer if you have no life, and can prove it mathematicly."
  13. FretNoMore

    FretNoMore * Cooking with GAS *

    Jan 25, 2002
    The frozen north
    Sheesh! What problems with deliveries? Has noone seen Time Machine? [​IMG]
  14. Not to throw this thread off track, but I can't stand it any longer. What the hell does "G.A.S." stand for?
    (I saw it in Ander's usertitle.)
  15. FretNoMore

    FretNoMore * Cooking with GAS *

    Jan 25, 2002
    The frozen north
    Gear Acquisition Syndrome

    A compulsive disorder that makes you buy nice stuff you see! :)
  16. Velkov


    Jan 17, 2001
    Lansdowne, Ontario
    I thought Santa was invented by Coca Cola...
  17. moley


    Sep 5, 2002
    Hampshire, UK
    I suffer from a very bad case of CD-acquisition syndrome.
  18. moley


    Sep 5, 2002
    Hampshire, UK

    And, how many years have they been using that "Holidays are coming..." thing on their commercials? Seems like ages. Every single year, they bring out that music, and the ads vary slightly.