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Is telling 1/2 of the story still the truth?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by spade2you, Jan 4, 2014.

  1. Hard to say if this truly belongs in band management, but I figure it could apply to general life and put it in OT. (Mods may do whatever they wish.)

    A few may have heard my last band drama story that I fell behind on practice due to a lot of things hitting the fan. The band told me I had to get it together or I was out. I got it together, but I was already done. I'm pretty sure they were auditioning my replacement when I was away for the weekend of my grandpa's funeral, no joke.

    Anyway, to the subject matter. I got tricked into believing that the band was simply going to become a side project for them and got tricked into giving them the band name. In my anger, I called him a liar, but he kept saying, "well, technically I said...." He was right. For the last couple of months, he simply told small pieces of the story or was so vague that I made the mistake of making assumptions. He simply never said the full story or kept silent about all of those details. I would assume we've all had managers like that at work, too. I know I have.

    What sayeth the wise talkbassers?

    I tend to be the very honest type. Sure, I might talk to police to things I may have done in undergrad. Otherwise, I'm an open book and you can count on me to be truthful. I expect the same out of my friends or simply don't consider them a friend. I didn't think to question the guys in my band because I considered them friends and now know otherwise.
  2. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    There's not much honesty in the music biz. I find people don't much like it.
  3. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim Supporting Member

    Read my sig.

    And stop making assumptions. Deal with people you can trust, not flakes.
  4. DeathFromBelow

    DeathFromBelow Never Forget. Banned

    Dec 23, 2010
    Horten, Norway
    Just move on. People suck.
  5. I knew I could count on you guys.
  6. BawanaRik


    Mar 6, 2012
    New Jersey
    In the best of time the truth is like an onion. With many layers.
  7. DeathFromBelow

    DeathFromBelow Never Forget. Banned

    Dec 23, 2010
    Horten, Norway
    Not sure if you're being sarcastic here, but seriously, just rise above it and find something better to do. Anyone of us who has been in this game for some time have been royally screwed over at least once.

    At this point I just think "meh, whatever" and keep on truckin'. I've learned not to dwell on the past when it comes to bandstuff. Life's to short man.
  8. No sarcasm, was kinda curious to general opinions on the subject. I expect my bosses to be selective with the information they feed me. I legitimately trust my friends or I don't consider them friends.

    My band taught me a lot of things and I'll be changing my approach. For starters, no more bands with friends. It rarely ends well. I need to be more about looking out for myself and not be so willing to sacrifice myself for the cause. I'm VERY upset about letting myself get tricked and being wrong about my friends. LOL, being wrong makes me very angry.
  9. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike

    Nov 18, 2005

    Lawyers do it all the time and we all know how honest they are.
  10. DeathFromBelow

    DeathFromBelow Never Forget. Banned

    Dec 23, 2010
    Horten, Norway
    I know what you mean. Although, I still wouldn' have a problem playing in a band with real friends. I've found it's playing with aquaintances that causes the biggest problems. It's just easy to expect to much from them. YMMV.

    And yes; look out for yourself. Nothing wrong with that.
  11. Prior to things going south, I considered them real friends and it had been that way for several years. It's utterly hilarious that this was just an instrumental trio that only had ONE show in approx 2 years and I think we only finished 4 songs. The other guys simply couldn't stop adding parts and making existing parts more difficult. Yes, replacing me is going to fix that. (The last part is really sarcastic. :D)
  12. I assume most of us have dealt with a lawyer in the band setting. I don't have a huge list of "rules", but I generally steer clear of most lawyers. My FIL is a lawyer and doesn't seem to behave like a lawyer when he's at home.
  13. DeathFromBelow

    DeathFromBelow Never Forget. Banned

    Dec 23, 2010
    Horten, Norway
    Dude, I think I've been in the same band! :D
  14. I've been in that band a "few" times. I'd say half the time, it simply fizzles out and everyone gives up. Oh yeah, I guess we haven't met up in 6 months. Then there's the occasional hissy fit.

    In this case, the music simply kept getting more and more difficult to the point that it would require a pro to get it right in one take. Obviously a pro would expect to get paid. :p

    Outside of the band scenario, I'd say almost every friend has been honest. There have been a few sketchy people and I simply don't associate with them any more. I'm sure we've all met someone that's a pathological liar. Perhaps it's safe to accept that bosses, politicians, lawyers, and the media know how to add their own spin.
  15. Is telling 1/2 the story still telling the truth?

    Any time you don't lay all your cards on the table you are lying.
    Anytime you selectively choose to not disclose information with intent to mislead, you are lying.
    Any time you knowingly allow someone to be mislead, you are part of the lie.
    Anytime you manipulate the truth, for whatever reason, you are lying.

    The real question is, "when is lying OK?"

    This is because EVERYONE does it. People do it without realizing it. Well meaning people do it. People who consciously think lying is wrong, lie without realizing what they are doing. My sweet-little-old-church-lady mother-in-law constantly withholds information or manipulates the truth to fit her needs... But she would never "lie".

    But your band stuff, you need to just drop that emotional load, bury it, and walk away. Don't waste any time or mental energy tabulating how you have been wronged. Just let it go and don't look back.
  16. nutdog

    nutdog when I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone Supporting Member

    Feb 19, 2009
    in the dog house
    I tend to say as little as possible and only what's needed. Most people don't listen anyway.
  17. Bloodhammer

    Bloodhammer Twinkle Twinkle Black Star

    Jul 7, 2009
    Shreveport, Louisiana
  18. Thick McRunfast

    Thick McRunfast Not just good, good enough

    Sep 30, 2012
    Portland, Oregon USA
    Good move. A band is business and friends tend to expect special treatment. Rightly so, they are your friends.

    But in a band/business context I've found this can create an unhealthy environment.

    I keep the people I know at my day job at arms length. That way when I put on my manager hat and have to discipline or fire somebody I don't get that "Hey I thought we were friends!" thing.

    Same thing in the band. I'm friendly but never make the mistake and think we are friends because when it's time to have the talk we are going to talk.

    It's business
  19. Garbage like that goes on all the time in the music business , just part of dealing with the egos necessary to get up on a stage and being willing to let it all rip in front of anybody. As to the question of is it a lie. Just my own opinion mind you but I see it like this. If part of the truth is withheld for the purpose of deception , simply by being a deception it is a lie. Some people can justify this crap in their own minds but I can't. Don't get me wrong , I have done this in the past and also told some straight out whopping lies but I know it's a lie or deception. I don't try to make it something in my own mind that it's not.
  20. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim Supporting Member

    I'd rather form a band out of stable people who have their heads on straight and have them become friends than try to do it the other way around.