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Is this a song or poem?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by kirbywrx, May 8, 2004.

  1. kirbywrx

    kirbywrx formerly James Hetfield

    Jul 27, 2000
    Melbourne, Australia.
    A few things have happened in my life recently, and ive finally discovered whats making it happen. Me. Anyway just to vent a wee bit of frustration, i wrote something.


    Why is it?
    That everytime I have the chance
    To get close to someone in my life
    I hold them so tightly, so closely
    That I end up pushing them away.
    Is it something lacking in my life,
    Some kind of void I'm trying to fill,
    A gap of touch, of closeness, of feeling loved?
    Could it be the old fashioned modern world
    Where males may not show emotion of any kind
    Or the shallow 'male bond' we develop with 'friends'
    Or the social unacceptability of showing love for anyone.
    Is this what I've been sucked into?
    Where family are only blood relations
    Friends are merely enemies in disguise
    And girls are nothing but a trophy object,
    And nothing more?
    I dont want to be this
    Ive tried so hard to set myself apart
    To wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe this is too much
    I try and fail because no one is willing to go out on a limb
    No one is willing to step over the line
    Ive tried to show my affections
    And thanks for pretending to listen
    But the truth is no one will ever meet you half way


    Do you guys think i should keep this as it is, or turn it into some sort of song. Yes, it would be very emo, but it would be fun. Thing is, it sounds better like this.

    What do you guys think? Song or poem?
  2. BassGod


    Jan 21, 2004
    I really liked that kirby. Good job. :) I have been really frustrated lately too, and I always find that writing your feelings down into a poem really helps. To answer your question, I think you should keep it just the way it is. I couldn't see it as a song. But hold on to it, because later on, if you are in a pinch for a good line (when you are writing songs), you could take one from that poem, and put it in a song. I really like that poem though. :) :)

  3. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    I like it as is. I have done that myself. My old band would be trying to work up a frenetic, king of King Crimson, sort of groove and I would just 'vent' some poetry into the the mic.
    Sometimes it was good. Mostly it wasn't. Some of it got re-used as lyrics. I was some kind of bitter this one day. I had just been heinously dumped. I just vented this one off the top of my head. I still think this is the best spontaneously written break-up song in the history of the world, even though I could never make it work as a song later. But it works okay as a poem.

    I called it "Captive in Crystal"

    Behind crystal bars, Stronger than steel
    Beats a heart lying hidden, afraid to feel

    Angry words spoken, Promises broken,
    Heart pounds in a frail crystal cage
    Easily crushed, But so hard to touch,
    A target for words thrown in rage

    Choking behind a protective wall
    Built agains hate, but holding back all
    To grow I step from behind my shell
    Exposed, Unprotected, But freed as well

    I see her, I reach out to hold her tight
    Not knowing her heart is just pretty ice
    Her touch cuts like a frozen knife
    Too late the shadows fall from my eyes

    Crystal shatters, biting deep, screaming high
    Tears soul and flesh, frees scarlet tide
    Breaks the heart that it used to hide
    I die inside. I scream. Love and trust, nothing more than a dream

    But will the next wall be strong enough?
    Built from pieces of broken love
    Splintered edges, needle sharp
    They form a wall around this heart

    Safe where no one can approach
    No need to fear a lying touch