Is this your band? (CL content)

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by RustyAxe, Dec 28, 2014.

  1. RustyAxe


    Jul 8, 2008
    Narcissistic Vocalist Wanted (Central, CT)
    © craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
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    Narcissistic vocalist wanted for a rock band out of central Connecticut. You must have a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, blatant need for admiration, and a total lack of empathy. If you show up for practice on-time, you're fired. If you plan on helping move equipment in and out of the venue, you're fired on the spot. You must be constantly sick, or be able to otherwise provide some sort of excuse as to why you're not 100% at all times (which is... at all times). You must have a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations for favorable treatment at venues and by all people graced with your presence (even though you've never left the basement in your music career). We would also sincerely appreciate if you were exploitative to everyone you encounter, including us (your band-mates). If you're not taking advantage of people, you're not for us. You must be completely arrogant and let people know how awesome you are at all times. And for the love of God, please call your fans "mother -----ers" and "---holes" on stage... they like that kind of stuff (don't listen to the nay-sayers). You must have hundreds (if not thousands) of ideas of what we "need to do", but do absolutely nothing to actually move those ideas forward. If someone writes a vocal melody/lyric that sounds good, you must change it so that it doesn't conflict with your inability to accept input or the fact that you just might not have the absolute best idea for any given situation/musical piece. And lastly, you must be completely incoherent, a terrible speller, and have the grammar of a three year old (even though your main job is to write stories & lyrics to communicate with people).

    If this is you, we're looking for you!!!!!!!!!
    OldBassman, obimark, hintz and 3 others like this.
  2. I'm betting they'll get swamped with responses!
    smogg likes this.
  3. 10cc

    10cc Inactive

    Oct 28, 2013
    Good thing the rumors of Glenn Danzig's death are false. This project sounds right up his alley. Maybe a little over qualified though.
    Sixgunn likes this.
  4. ChefKen


    Aug 30, 2014
    NW CT
    Man I wish I could sing....sounds like a good gig!
    Mr Gaston likes this.
  5. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    I saw nothing in the ad that said you actually had to be able to sing.

    Go for it!
    TakisK, hintz and buldog5151bass like this.
  6. Hi,

    Truth in advertising. I love it. ;)

    Thank you for your indulgence,

    Turock and buldog5151bass like this.
  7. This is for a Vocalist? Wow... I see my ex-gui****'s new position has opened up. :whistle:
    Winfred likes this.
  8. gangonthehill


    Dec 10, 2012
    What ? No mention of pay. If I'm gonna watch you work and cuss you like a dog I'm gonna have to be compensated.
    Sixgunn likes this.
  9. squirefan


    Nov 22, 2009
    Lansing, Ks.
    I would add that the singer's 'other band' must take precedence for a double booked show.
    gangonthehill likes this.
  10. Acoustic356


    Jul 3, 2014
    This reminds me of a documentary I saw on Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Tony James, was the bassist for Billy Idol. When they parted ways, he started Sputnik. He was primarily interested in finding people that had a particular look. He believed that you could teach anyone how to sing/play.

    They never had more than a cult following, but their devotees loved them from the 1980's - about 2004.
  11. strictlybass_ic

    strictlybass_ic Mediocrity is a journey

    Jan 9, 2014
    Northern Indiana
    90% of bands in Connecticut just lost their lead singer because a "more promising project" came up
    40% just lost guitarists who sing backup for the same reason
    30% lost their drummers because of a shiny ball (unrelated)
    10% lost their bassist due to crippling cynicism and apathy
  12. OldBassman

    OldBassman Gold Supporting Member

    Oh, its an ad for a vocalist... thought they were looking for a drummer.... Ha Ha Ha
  13. Bob-I


    Sep 12, 2014
    No, if it was for a drummer there would be a whole different set of requirements...

    1) Must be the first to arrive at the venue, but still not be ready at start time.
    B) after the gig starts, stop after every song to adjust the cymbal stands, tune the snare and adjust his seat
    4) Increase tempo in direct proportion to the number of women on the dance floor