Psst... Ready to join TalkBass and start posting, make new friends, sell your gear, and more?  Register your free account in 30 seconds.

John's Sermon For the Day

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by john turner, Aug 21, 2000.


  1. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    for all my 4 string brethren, someday you too will see the...ahem...

    (preacher voice)

    Holy Truth...Can I Get an AMEN

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    The Holy Truth, the Lord's Number, the Heavenly Number, of 7

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    Yes, Seven, the Heavenly Number, Let Me Hear An AMEN

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    And How Many Strings are on the Heavenly Bass?

    {congregation}

    SEVEN

    {preacher}

    I Said, How Many Strings are on Our Lord's Bass?

    {congregation}

    SEVEN

    {preacher}

    The Good Book Says on The Seventh Day, He Rested! He Rested and He Boogied! That's Right, The Lord Created the Heavens and the Earth, and on the Seventh Day, He Rested, and He Boogied on His Seven String Bass! Can I Hear an Amen?

    {congregation}

    AMEN

    {preacher}

    Can I Hear... uh, (ahem) oh sorry, wait a minute...

    (doctor)

    "John it's time for your shots. Nurse Bruno, hold him down please."

    oh, hey, gotta go.


    (yeah, i know, i lifted it from my post in the other thread, so sue me. besides, it's not like there's been anything funny over here lately.)

    :D

     
  2. White_Knight

    White_Knight

    Mar 19, 2000
    USA
    Thanks for giving me a good laugh, John!
     
  3. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    you're welcome
     
  4. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    but, Father John, what of the 8 Strings? Where do they reside in the holy book of Seven!?

    Brother Brendan of the 7 String.
     
  5. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    the 8-string basses that have no strings doubled upon their fretboards shall henceforth be known as the "7+1" string basses.

    those that have doubled strings shall be cast out from the Lord's Sight. :D
     
  6. CamMcIntyre

    CamMcIntyre

    Jun 6, 2000
    USA
    I thought thats what the 12,24,36,ect fret was for, then again I'm a 4-5 stringer max..like the low but hardly ever use my "g" string unless if i'm doing some sort of solo. May Father John use the 7-20 [brief exageration] string basses as he pleases & sound good while doing it.
     
  7. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    one thing that i always like to suggest, there's nothing like playing a lower-range note and simultaneously comping out some doublestop chord or harmonics on top of it an octave or two up - makes available all kinds of textural embellishements. can make a single note so much fuller.

     


  8. Dost that make mine axe an "7-2" string?
     
  9. Angus

    Angus Supporting Member

    Apr 16, 2000
    Palo Alto, CA
    No Stingray, it makes your "correctly strung" bass! Any more, and youre going to hell! :D

    ::runs and hides from John::
     
  10. Biski2Dope

    Biski2Dope

    Mar 26, 2000
    Guess i am a pagan, seeing as i am afraid of anything with more than 5 strings..

    ::quivers and hides behind Angus:: Don't let him hurt meee...
     
  11. Free Rider

    Free Rider

    Aug 21, 2000
    Oops, I think I'm in the wrong church... I'm coming from the simple 4stringer congregation... I know :( the holy books never talk about "four", at least three!
    But I can see the light anyway!
    Is this a miracle?
     
  12. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    know the 7 strings, and they will set you free!
     
  13. gweimer

    gweimer

    Apr 6, 2000
    Columbus, OH
    Beware the demon! The demon has a number. It is a human number, and the number is.....6-7-8!
     
  14. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    668 - the neighbor of the beast.
     
  15. Deynn

    Deynn Moderator Emeritus

    Aug 9, 2000
    Iowa
    Hmmm..seeing as that '7' is the Lord's number....can this have anything to do with the name of John's band???...:)
     
  16. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    :eek: no!!! no!!!.

    the name comes from the statement "lord only knows why:

    1. i have 7 strings on my bass
    2. 2 necks on my bass
    3. 4 basses on stage
    4. 7 minutes for the shortest song (not really but it seems like that sometimes :D )


    the list goes on and on.

    but the band is secular. no religion. not that religious bands are bad necessarily, just that we aren't one.
     
  17. Deynn

    Deynn Moderator Emeritus

    Aug 9, 2000
    Iowa
    I knew that John, but I wonder....how many people do you get that see the name and think you ARE a religious band?
    I remember the first time I saw the name TBL post of yours...(way back when)...and the first thing that came to MY mind was a religious band. Not a bad thing....I dig some of those bands....:)
     
  18. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    actually, we get it alot, but we all like the name too much to change it. besides, people only make that mistake once, then they hear us or ask one of us about it, and then they realize we're not, and it doesn't come up anymore.
     
  19. But Father John? What of the silly basses over at Bunnybass? Is a 1 stringed bass okay? What about a 13 stringer? Are these sinful? Should they be ex-communicated?

    Also, what of those who have short fingers, that can't progress beyond a fiver? Am I a sinner?


    Preach on:D
    Eric
     
  20. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    the heathens at bunny bass even see fit to mock the Mouthpiece of the Lordonly. :D

    http://www.marginx.com/bunnybass/amusingbass15.shtml

    (actually they're pretty cool over there too, cute little bunny message board with actually a few good discussions going on)