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Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Onur Francois Sengul, Apr 24, 2001.

  1. I dont know the exact date,but it may be early 1999 we used to have a topic like that in 'bass humor and gig stories'...
    Tell us some jokes about bass or related topics.I will start first:

    How many guitar players does it take to put a bulb?

    One for putting the bulb and other seven to say 'I can do it better than that'

  2. How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


    1 to hold the bulb and 19 to drink till the room spins.

    Ha. I think?
    Imaginary Pony and Jimmy4string like this.
  3. cole


    Sep 14, 2000
    oh, this old one.

    how many keyboard players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    five: one to screw it in, and four to say how much better Rick Wakeman would've done it.
  4. How many vocalists does it take to screw in a light-bulb....

    One, they just hold it while the world revolves around them.....

    What's the differance between a vocalist and a pitbull.....

    Pitbulls won't wear lipstick.....

    No I never played in a band with a bossy lead female vocalist.....
    Jimmy4string likes this.
  5. Ok,here is another one.But this is bad for us...

    -How many bass players doss it take to screw a bulb?

    -None.Keyboard player can do it with his/her left hand.
    Leiria likes this.
  6. Jake15


    Jan 17, 2001
    USA, PA
    Sadly, its true.
  7. old_skool


    Aug 17, 2000
    Milwaukee, WI
    how many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 but noone notices.
    whats do you call a basement full of singers? a whine cellur.
    how can you tell a drummers at the door? the nock slows down.
  8. SuperDuck


    Sep 26, 2000
    What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

  9. Groundzero102


    May 2, 2001
    How can you tell if the stage is level?

    The drummer is drooling out of both sides of hiz mouth
  10. What do you get when you cross a bassist with a watermelon?
  11. old_skool


    Aug 17, 2000
    Milwaukee, WI
    a bassamelon?
  12. JohnL


    Sep 20, 2000
    Grayson, GA
    I always liked these:

    Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Why, is it like, dark, man?

    Q: What do you say to a guitarist in a 3-piece suit?
    A: Will the defendant rise for sentencing.

    Q: Least used phrase in the english language?
    A: Isn't that the drummer's Porsche?

    Q: What do drummers use for birth control?
    A: Their personality.

    Q: How can you tell which child on the playground belongs to the heavy metal guitarist?
    A: It's the one who can't swing and has no idea how to use the slide properly.

    I know, they're all old...
    Leiria likes this.
  13. ROFLMAO!!:D

    A drummer and a lead guitarist were walking in the woods (yeah, I know they would never be caught dead outside the city, but bear with me.) They come across some tracks. The drummer argues that they are elk tracks. The guitarist says, no, they're deer tracks. They are just beginning to start fighting when the train runs 'em over.....

    Rock on
  14. There's a bassist, a guitarist and Claudia Schiffer in a train on their way through the countryside. They go through a tunnel and it all goes black because it's an old train and there are no lights in the carriages. Suddenly there's the sound of some kissing and a slap. When they come out of the tunnel the Bassist and Claudia Schiffer are sitting as if nothing has happened and the guitarist is holding his face as if he's been slapped.
    Miss Schiffer is thinking
    "That Guitarist must have gone to kiss me but got the bassist instead and he's hit him for it"
    the Guitarist is thinking
    "That bassist must have kissed Claudia and she thought it was me and slapped me for it" and the Bassist is thinking:
    "God I hope we go through some more tunnels so I can make more kissing noises and slap that guitarist bastard some more!!"
    Imaginary Pony and Jimmy4string like this.
  15. what's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?

    the pizza can feed a family of four.

    ...wow...tough room!
  16. Brendan

    Brendan Supporting Member

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    good one Yottskry!:D
  17. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    How is a drum solo like an orgasm?

    Once you feel one coming, it's hard to top it.
  18. Hategear

    Hategear Workin' hard at hardly workin'.

    Apr 6, 2001
    Appleton, Swissconsin
    D'oh! I mean STOP it.
  19. =^..^=


    Jan 25, 2001
    Stuck on a rock !
    A guy goes on safari to Africa, he gets off the plane and hears jungle drums kicking out a cool rhythm, so he listens for while as he waits for his taxi. The taxi arrives, and he asks the Taxi driver about the drums - all the driver will say is "Ahh the drums. The drums must never stop". Off he goes to his hotel.

    He gets to the hotel and he can still hear the drums - goes inside etc etc and eventually is lying in bed, and he can still hear the drums so he rings reception to see if there is anything they can do about the drums but all the receptionist says is "ahh the drums. The drums must never stop"

    Next day he's out on safari across the wide plains - not a tree in site, nothing to see for miles but he can still hear the drums so he asks the guide about the drums "Ahh the drums. The drums must never stop" is the normal reply. So he asks the guide why must the drums never stop - anyway long story short - the guide doesn't know, but to find out they will have to travel into the jungle to see the tribal elders.

    They head off across the plains towards the jungle - as they do the drums get louder and louder. Eventually they are hacking there way through the jungle and eventually they reach a clearing. By this time the drums are almost deafening. In the clearing are 30 drummers beating ritual drums - and in the middle is a man in long flowing headgear 'conducting them'. The guide tell him that this is the man to ask.

    He walks over and asks the conductor why the drums must not stop ?
    The conductor looks at him and says "aah the drums must never stop"
    "But why must the the drums not stop" asks the man
    The conductor replies "Easy - after drum solo come bass solo..."
  20. StudioStuntz


    Jul 19, 2015
    How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?


    One to actually execute the act, while the other nine are staring at his/her fingers saying "Meh...I could do that".

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