Knowing when you are "in" the band

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Subculture13, Mar 5, 2004.

  1. Subculture13

    Subculture13 Jamming Econo

    Apr 9, 2003
    Toronto, Ont. Canada
    I tried out for a band recently. I am into somewhat obscure music and found a group of artists into the EXACT same things I am, so I was freaking happy to have found these people. The singer/guitarist and I talked on the phone numerous times before finally hooking up to jam, and things were looking like they would be amazing. (This is the same person I spoke of in the Bass Babes thread, she played bass in a different band before hooking up with me in this group). We jammed and I thought it was great, there was alot of serious potential here. I was loving what we were doing right out of the gate. We made more plans for a full rehearsal schedule and everything, it all looked on the up and up. To me I was "in" and we are progressing forward from there.

    I will apologize in advance the the length of this post below, I felt it easiest to convey the whole story by just pasting in the email I sent to the singer after "the incident," rather than trying to shorten it, and then have to elaborate to explain the background story. Here is the story, me venting my disbelief to the singer after the fact...

    "So there I was...
    ...Wandering around downtown Toronto on Sunday afternoon. With my bass on my back and gig bag for your guitar in one hand. I went into town way earlier than I needed to for our jam so I decided to price out some things before meeting up with you at 4pm. I still had an hour to kill and was expecting a fairly important email at work, so I decided to go into a web cafe to log in to my works email account and see if I had the big news yet. I don't have email at home, so it has been bugging me all weekend and I really want to know if I have the news I have been waiting for yet. I notice an email from you, so I read it....

    It seems that you changed your mind and don't want a gig bag after all, you want a hardshell case, so I am lugging this thing around for nothing. Oh well, I'll just carry it back home later on, and bring it back to stock, no big deal, it's not too heavy. If it had been the other way around and I was carrying a hardshell around I might be a little more annoyed. Oh look, a second email from you....

    It seems that at some point after I left work on Friday and this point now, you decided to cancel the jam session with me. I have no problem whatsoever if you decide to audition other people, it's all part of the business, I've been through the routine more times than enough, it's nothing new to me, no hard feelings at all. It would have been nice however if you could have informed me directly about it though. Emailing me at my work email address over a weekend instead of calling me directly to cancel a jam session strikes me as being either immature, cowardly, or just plain disrespectful. It is by absolute fluke that I happened to check my work email account at about 3:15pm Sunday. Had I not done that, if I just went straight to the jam place what would have happened then? After I got home I realized that there was no call from you at all, you made no real legitimate attempt to inform me of the change of plans. It doesn't really matter, either way I completely wasted my day going into the city to find out that I basically have to turn right around again and go home. Bus fare alone for the trip is $15, so I guess it is a good thing that I found things to do while in town, get the most out of my money while I am already there.

    The biggest pisser about this is that I originally had a meeting with another band scheduled for Sunday, that I canceled when you moved the practice day. This band has been hounding me for weeks to come down, they have heard my playing on a few demos already and want me badly. They have a CD coming out on a Canadian indie label, with European distribution already lined up, a manager, booking agent, all that fun stuff. A real band with real paying gigs and a real potential in the near future. I'll still be meeting up with them this week, but it would have been nice to take advantage of my weekend to the fullest if I could have. Instead, I basically wasted both Saturday (I planned nothing beforehand as I was originally expecting to meet up with you, before you moved the jam to Sunday) and Sunday (I cancelled all plans as I was expecting to meet up with you).

    Well, I hope your other "big Melvins fan" of a bassist works out for you, because you can forget about me ever coming down to jam again.

    In case it wasn't obvious, the second email from her was to say don't show up, they are going to "explore all their options" and try-out another person who came along. That fact really didn't bug me, but not telling me at all directly, when she knew damn well that I don't have email at home, and we usually communicate via my WORK email address, or by phone, we have both called each other numerous times. Had I not checked my email that afternoon I would have walked right in, too an awkward situation for sure. I wasted my whole weekend no matter what, and am not impressed about it. I was polite in telling her off, even though I shouldn't have been. The fact is, it was cowardly for her to cancel on me without telling me to my face, nothing more, nothing less.

    Thanks for listening. Sorry it was so long, I just had to get it off my chest. One of those lessons learned I guess.
  2. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Keep moving brother, class talks, BS walks ...

    A phone call was in order, too bad she did not have
    the stones to make it. You have avoided a future
    nightmare though.
  3. Subculture13

    Subculture13 Jamming Econo

    Apr 9, 2003
    Toronto, Ont. Canada
    Hear, hear. If this was the general attitude early on, I'd hate to think what would happen at a gig or some other "real" crisis.

    It just sucked to lose out on what seemed like the dream band for me. I have only ever even met one person before this that shared the same music interests as me, and he wwasn't even a musician. Here was an entire band of people. Oh well, onward and upward.
  4. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    Not all musicians are flakes, but sometimes I wonder if maybe all flakes are musicians? There sure is a bunch of them.

    Melvins rule! :bassist: (they're the only big thing to ever come out of my little tiny home town. Well, if you want to call the Melvins big...)
  5. Its a shame that it was ruined by her "miscommunication". common sense isn't really that common is it. Oh well, hopefully for her you taught her a bit of a life lesson, be respectful of others. Good luck in the future mate :) If theres phone access, the call wood have been simpler. And you are correct by assuming that she was intimidated to tell you personally. Its like getting dropped by your mrs via text message.
  6. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Auditions are difficult to read sometimes. Similar to job interviews where the "employer" is being coy, not giving you the "yes" or "no". This band lacks the courage to tell you what's really happening. Maybe they don't know themselves. That's a chance one takes auditioning for a room full of strangers I guess.

    As it turns out, they were not your "dream band" after all. You clicked with them, but they haven't clicked with you. If you want your own "dream band", its something you'll have to supervise the creation and growth of.

    Who knows, maybe you'll end up auditioning one of them. :eek: Good Luck. I have to start over in a month as well.
  7. Is it possible that they wanted to try out the other one and see if you were better? There's no point burning bridges really...
  8. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    Not to play devil's advocate here; but, while I understand some of your discontent, there are parts of your return e-mail that I would have advoided; particularly the part about the other band. Reading it, it appreared to be a denfense/offense mechanism you used against the person.

    I do understand your anger, though; it sounds like the person in question didn't have the cohonas (sp) to come out and tell you they are auditioning another player
  9. natrab


    Dec 9, 2003
    Bay Area, CA
    Yeah, the fact is that it's hard to come out and tell someone you don't want them in your band. Many people don't have the guts to do it.

    I fell in to this catagory a while ago when we tried out a guitar player for our ska band and he couldn't even hang with the songs we were playing. Now being the nice guy I am I decided to give him another shot and invited him back next week. About mid-week I got a call from another guitarist and decided to try him out instead.

    I put it off until a couple days before practice, but I bucked up and called the first guy to tell him not to come. I was as nice as I could be, but it's always hard.

    Just remember that some people have a tough time with this whole subject. When I'm trying out for a band, I find that everything it a lot easier if I take on all the communication responsibility. I will call them 3 days and a day before the practice to make sure it's still on. If they cancel at the last minute, I will let them know how unappreciated that is.

    I think you were right to tell them that you were upset, but there isn't any need to burn bridges.
  10. jim primate

    jim primate bass guitarist.

    man, this same sh-t happened to me. i get an email from a bassplayer says he's leaving his band, found an ad of mine online and thought i'd be a suitable replacement. i go to the link he attached in his email and dl the two songs on the site. i learn them that night.

    i setup an audition for sunday with the band. that get's moved to monday, and then to wednesday.

    so wednesday i show up knowing the two songs i was given. blow them away. they congratulate me, say the songs never sounded better, blah blah blah. they invite me back for actual practice b/c now i'm in the band on the following monday. they also say they got a show that friday ask me to come check it out, cool.

    that night my gf (who has her own label) calls and says a band of a friend of hers needs a band to play with, so i call the band i just auditioned for, and they're up for it. so i get them that show. friday rolls around i see them play, they invite me to a party on sunday. cool.

    meanwhile on saturday me and my gf have a HUGE fight over not much of anything really and have a near breakup. sunday i'm real upset go to the party anyway. get real drunk (on my own liquor.) vomit a couple times (in the toilet, discretely.) and pass out in a chair. (note: i didn't pick a fight, argue, piss on the rug, vomit in full view, etc.) anyways, they say we're still on for monday. cool. a friend drives me home. i sleep it off.

    so monday i show up at the space at 8. no one there. 805. no one there. 815. no one there. 830. no one there. so after a half hour of standing out in the cold i decide to go home. i call the singer, no answer leave a message "hey, what happened with practice tonight? don't worry we'll make it up later in the week. i learned 4 more songs off the cd you gave me at the party, see ya later." no call the next day. or the next.

    thursday i get an email from the singer "hey you rock on bass but you're just not for us. if anyone we know needs a bassplayer we'll send them your way."

    i reply, "i'm gonna disagree with you on that. you find another bassplayer who knows 2 songs before setting foot in the door, and learns four more before the next practice. if you change your mind there's no hard feelings on my end."

    my gf gets an email, "sorry it didn't work out w/ your bf in the band. things didn't go well on sunday."

    talk about a bunch bullsh-t. i'm still pissed about it. i'm pissed they still wanna work with my gf's label, i'm pissed she still wants to work with them, and i'm pissed about how i was let go. they had 9 songs total, i learned 6 of them in a week.

    don't mean to rant or hijack. just comiserating i guess.