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Lead guitarist jokes everyone welcome to contribute!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by ahhelpme, Jan 4, 2005.


  1. ahhelpme

    ahhelpme

    Aug 26, 2004
    Some lovey jokes you can tell your lead guitarist at your next band practice:

    Q:How Many Lead Guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A:Four. One to change it and three to stand back and say "Not bad, but I could have done it way better"

    Q:How Many Lead Guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A:None. They steal someone elses light.

    Q:What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
    A:Both suck when you plug them in.
     
  2. Q:What do you call a person who hangs around a band all night and follows them from club to club?

    A: A guitarist.



    Q: Whats green and floats thorugh walls?

    A: Casper the friendly pickle (not guitarist related, but bloody funny!)
     
  3. Stax

    Stax

    Dec 19, 2004
    Oaktown
    Old, I know, but here they is....

    Q. How many guitarist does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A. One. They just stand there and the whole world revolves around them.

    Q. How many guitarist does it take to get the keys out from the inside of a locked car?

    A. Two.... but only if one is also in the car.
     
  4. Stax

    Stax

    Dec 19, 2004
    Oaktown
    A bassist and a guitarist live next door to each other. One day, the bassist and the guitarist are mowing their respective front yards. At one point, the guitarist stops and yells over to the bassist "Hey, if I have sex with your wife, does that make us even." Without missing a beat (he is, after all, a bassist), the bassist yells back "No, but it does make us even."
     
  5. Stax

    Stax

    Dec 19, 2004
    Oaktown
    oops, I screwed that joke up. The guitarist is supposed to yell "Hey, if i have sex with your wife, does that make us related."

    My grandpa was a guitarist, I must of got some of the genes. ;)
     
  6. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    How do you make a guitarist play quietly?
    Put sheet music in front of him

    How do you make him put his guitar away?
    Put notes on the sheet music


    What's the definition of a semitone?
    Two guitarists playing in unison

    How do you make a guitarist leave?
    Pay him for the pizza

    What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend/boyfriend?
    Homeless
     
  7. squierplayer120

    squierplayer120

    Nov 17, 2004
    Wisconsin
    Not guitarists but funny.
    How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    5. 1 to hold it, and 4 to drink until the room spins.
     

  8. The truth is funny.
     
  9. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    There was a cannibal who was in the mood for some human brains, so he walks into his local deli to see what they had. he looks around in the case as sees the following:

    Bassist brains: $10/lb
    Keyboardist brains:$15/lb
    Drummer brains: $20/lb
    Guitarist brains: $1000/lb

    The cannibal then asks, why the guitarist brains cost so much. The butcher replies, "Do you know how many guitar players we have to kill to get one pound of brains?"
     
  10. NJL

    NJL

    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    in addition:

    how do you get a trombone player off your porch?
    pay em for the pizza
     
  11. kaboom133

    kaboom133

    Oct 19, 2001
    Latrobe PA

    Thanks, now I have to clean the apple juice off of my monitor.
     
  12. How can you tell if a stage is level?
    The guitarist drools evenly from both sides of his mouth.

    A Strat, Tele, and Les Paul are thrown off a building at the same time. Which one hits the ground first?
    Who cares! (Just kidding, I love those guitars!)

    What do you call 10 guitars at the bottom of the ocean?
    A good start.
     
  13. kearney

    kearney

    Jul 5, 2004
    whats the difference between an 2nd grader and a lead guitarist

    a 2nd grader already has a 1st grade education





    BAAA-ZING!!
     
  14. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Thirteen. One to change the bulb and the other twelve to keep the guitarists out of the spotlight.
     
    larryatravis likes this.
  15. ahhelpme

    ahhelpme

    Aug 26, 2004
    Whats been beaten black and blue and is in a ditch?

    A guitarist that told too many drummer jokes.
     
  16. squierplayer120

    squierplayer120

    Nov 17, 2004
    Wisconsin
    Shutting up......
     
  17. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    A little off topic, but not too much

    What's transparent and lies in an alley?
    An agent with the sh!t knocked out of him
     
  18. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Back on topic

    How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
    4 - one to change the lightbulb, and 3 to talk about how the old one was better.
     
  19. How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    10 and an electrician- one to change the light bulb, 9 to complain about how it's 'too bright' and an electrician to install a dimmer switch.
     
  20. ahhelpme

    ahhelpme

    Aug 26, 2004
    lol this may seem off topic but here it goes:
    A bass is better than a woman because if you finger a bass in public, you get appluase not get arrested!lol