Lead guitarist jokes everyone welcome to contribute!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by ahhelpme, Jan 4, 2005.

  1. LowEndLobster

    LowEndLobster Bass reviewer and youtube dude guy. Gold Supporting Member

    Oct 29, 2003
    Northern MA
    ..... Dirrrrtty (And so untrue)
  2. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    How do you make a guitarists car go faster?
    Take off that pizza sign on top of it.

    What's perfect pitch for a guitarist?
    In the middle of the campfire.
  3. spidersbass


    Nov 29, 2004
    Downtown L.A.
    turning the tables back on us...

    how do you replace a bass player from your band?
    -talk to the kids mom that lives across the street

    and back on to them...

    why does the lead guitarist so damn good?
    -cuz distortion can make anything sound good
  4. Dan Knowlton

    Dan Knowlton Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes the tree Gold Supporting Member

    Aug 12, 2002
    Palm Coast, FL
    This MUST be true, based on my experience!

    So, what does a lead guitarist use for birth control?

    Their personality!

    Dan K.
  5. John Herzog

    John Herzog

    Jun 14, 2002
    Schertz, TX
    What's the difference between a guitarist and bucket of poop?


    The bucket!
  6. DaveAceofBass

    DaveAceofBass Supporting Member

    Feb 20, 2004
    Charlotte, NC
    I love these guitar jokes!!! Gee, now that I have arsenal and can fight back, I'll tell everyone a really bad joke that I shouldn't tell and might get bumped for about bass players.....please forgive me.

    What does a bass solo and a premature ejaculation have in common? :eek:

    You know they are both coming but there is nothing you can do about it. :rollno:

    How do you get girls when you are playing your bass?

    Tickle the "G" String. :smug:
  7. Ken Lloyd

    Ken Lloyd Supporting Member

    Dec 22, 2004
    Portland, Maine
    What's the difference between a guitarist and a large pizza?

    The pizza can feed a family of four.
  8. How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One hundred. One to screw in the bulb and 99 to say "I can do that"
  9. jadesmar


    Feb 17, 2003
    Ottawa, ON
    "Guitarist brains... like new... never been used."
  10. LiamCohl


    Jan 29, 2005
    Toronto, ON
    What is the difference between a guitarist and a couch? A couch can support a whole family.
  11. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    How do you drown a guitarist?
    Press the "flush" button while he's drinking.

    You're stuck in a room with Osama-Bin Laden, Saddam Hussain, and a guitarist. Your gun only has 2 bullets. Who do you shoot?
    The guitarist, twice, just to be sure.
  12. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    One time when I was in a three piece, we went on tour and the van broke down in the middle of a rural area. We didn't have cell phones back then, so we hiked until we found a farm house. The kind farmer didn't have a phone, but he offered to let us stay the night.
    The only problem was the guy only had 2 beds. So one of us had to sleep in the barn with the cow and the pig. Being the kind guy I was, I offered to sleep in the barn. Unfortunately, I was allergic to the pig. So, I knocked on the farmer's door and explained the situation. The drummer offered to sleep in the barn after that. Unfortunately, the drummer has really allergic to the hay. The drummer then knocked on the farmer's door and told him the situation. The guitarist reluctantly agreed to sleep in the barn. Later on there was a knockin on the door, and it was the cow and the pig.
  13. jazza42uk


    Sep 14, 2001
    Bristol, UK
    What's the difference between a guitarist and an endowment policy?

    Eventually, the endowment matures and makes money.
  14. tommytoughnuts


    Jan 26, 2005
    the only reason guitar cabinets have open backs is so that the guitarist can have a nice roomy place to sleep in
  15. primusfan1989


    Jan 17, 2005
    new jersey
    How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
    Give him sheet music.
  16. Q. How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A. Two, of course, but the tricky part is getting them in there.

    You may commence with the throwing of rocks and small boulders at me.
  17. Count_Bassy


    Feb 3, 2005
    San Diego
    Dude, this is so true. In our jazz band we always get sheet music, never tab, and we sound the same if not better without the guitarist. you can't here him anyway...
  18. Well, it's exactly true...cause there are still some good guitarist out there..right? At least the one in my school's Jazz band can read pretty well...and IMO it definilty sound better with the guitar...
  19. Count_Bassy


    Feb 3, 2005
    San Diego
    oh wait, I got one.

    It's like my grandfather always said, "Every band needs a couple good musicians and a guitarist."

  20. matjaz123


    Dec 20, 2009
    South Europe
    I'm sick of the guitarists who makes jokes on bassists.

    Our leed said a few times that bass player only thinking on C, G, C G, so I said You know what is a guitar? a small 6 string bass...
    And he shut the ... up. :ninja:
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