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Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by ahhelpme, Jan 4, 2005.
..... Dirrrrtty (And so untrue)
How do you make a guitarists car go faster?
Take off that pizza sign on top of it.
What's perfect pitch for a guitarist?
In the middle of the campfire.
turning the tables back on us...
how do you replace a bass player from your band?
-talk to the kids mom that lives across the street
and back on to them...
why does the lead guitarist so damn good?
-cuz distortion can make anything sound good
This MUST be true, based on my experience!
So, what does a lead guitarist use for birth control?
What's the difference between a guitarist and bucket of poop?
I love these guitar jokes!!! Gee, now that I have arsenal and can fight back, I'll tell everyone a really bad joke that I shouldn't tell and might get bumped for about bass players.....please forgive me.
What does a bass solo and a premature ejaculation have in common?
You know they are both coming but there is nothing you can do about it.
How do you get girls when you are playing your bass?
Tickle the "G" String.
What's the difference between a guitarist and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One hundred. One to screw in the bulb and 99 to say "I can do that"
"Guitarist brains... like new... never been used."
What is the difference between a guitarist and a couch? A couch can support a whole family.
How do you drown a guitarist?
Press the "flush" button while he's drinking.
You're stuck in a room with Osama-Bin Laden, Saddam Hussain, and a guitarist. Your gun only has 2 bullets. Who do you shoot?
The guitarist, twice, just to be sure.
One time when I was in a three piece, we went on tour and the van broke down in the middle of a rural area. We didn't have cell phones back then, so we hiked until we found a farm house. The kind farmer didn't have a phone, but he offered to let us stay the night.
The only problem was the guy only had 2 beds. So one of us had to sleep in the barn with the cow and the pig. Being the kind guy I was, I offered to sleep in the barn. Unfortunately, I was allergic to the pig. So, I knocked on the farmer's door and explained the situation. The drummer offered to sleep in the barn after that. Unfortunately, the drummer has really allergic to the hay. The drummer then knocked on the farmer's door and told him the situation. The guitarist reluctantly agreed to sleep in the barn. Later on there was a knockin on the door, and it was the cow and the pig.
What's the difference between a guitarist and an endowment policy?
Eventually, the endowment matures and makes money.
the only reason guitar cabinets have open backs is so that the guitarist can have a nice roomy place to sleep in
How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Give him sheet music.
Q. How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Two, of course, but the tricky part is getting them in there.
You may commence with the throwing of rocks and small boulders at me.
Dude, this is so true. In our jazz band we always get sheet music, never tab, and we sound the same if not better without the guitarist. you can't here him anyway...
Well, it's exactly true...cause there are still some good guitarist out there..right? At least the one in my school's Jazz band can read pretty well...and IMO it definilty sound better with the guitar...
oh wait, I got one.
It's like my grandfather always said, "Every band needs a couple good musicians and a guitarist."
I'm sick of the guitarists who makes jokes on bassists.
Our leed said a few times that bass player only thinking on C, G, C G, so I said You know what is a guitar? a small 6 string bass...
And he shut the ... up.
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