Lead guitarist jokes everyone welcome to contribute!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by ahhelpme, Jan 4, 2005.

  1. The Bass Clef

    The Bass Clef is modulating in time. Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 17, 2010
    Southern California
    Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Who cares.
  2. Doug R

    Doug R

    Jan 27, 2011
    Spokane, WA USA
    Quick, what do you throw to a drowning guitarist?
    His amp.
  3. a guy walks into a pawn shop and looks around at all the instruments. Then he walks to the owner sitting behind the cash register and asks: "How much for the big red accordian under the window?". The owner replies: "You must be a guitarist". The musician says: "How did you know?" To which the owner responds: "Because that's a radiator".
  4. RGB


    Mar 27, 2010
    “What do you do, if your bass player is drowning?”
    “Throw him his Amp”.
  5. RGB


    Mar 27, 2010
    “He's a lame guitarist, if his wife only works 3 jobs.”
  6. GrumpiusMaximus

    GrumpiusMaximus I've Seen Things You People Wouldn't Believe

    Mar 11, 2013
    Kent, United Kingdom
    How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one. They stand there and the whole world revolves around them.
  7. ebick


    Sep 3, 2013
    A little more general

    A guy told his doctor, "I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gave him a prescription for a mild laxative and said, "If this doesn't work, let me know."

    A week later, the guy was back. "Doc, I still haven't had a movement." "I'll give you something stronger."

    A week later, the poor guy is back again. "Doc, still nothing!" "Hmm. I'd better get more information about you to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional musician." The doctor reached in his pocket. "Well, that's it. Here's fifty bucks. Go get something to eat!
  8. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown Supporting Member

    Feb 16, 2011
    What does a stripper do with her A-hole right before she goes to work?

    Drops him (and his guitar) off at rehearsal.

    How many guitar players does it take to go ice fishing?

    Eleven. One to cut a hole in the ice and 10 to shove the boat through.
  9. 1958Bassman


    Oct 20, 2007
    Q- What's the difference between a dead agent lying on the road and a dead snake lying on the road?
    A- The snake has skid marks in front of it.

    Q- What's the difference between a room full of guitarists and Santa Claus?
    A- Santa has gifts.

    Did you hear about the depressed bass player with a bad sense of time? He threw himself behind a bus.
  10. How long does it take to tune a 12 string guitar?

    Nobody knows...
  11. wild4oldcars


    Jan 22, 2012
    Garner, NC
  12. Lownote38


    Aug 8, 2013
    Nashville, TN
    I honestly know more drummer and bassist jokes than guitarist jokes. Here we go:

    Q: Did you hear the one about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
    A: He couldn't get the drummer out (I guess guitarist would work here as well)

    Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
    A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

    Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: 1. No, 5. Wait, 1. I mean 5!

    Q: How do you know there's a drummer at your door? (this one has two answers)
    A1: The knocking slows down
    A2: You look out the window and see the pizza delivery car

    Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: 10. 1 to actually screw in the bulb, and 9 more to talk about how much better Neil Peart could have done it.
  13. DannyBob


    Aug 28, 2013
    What is the difference between a guitarist and a savings account?
    The account matures and makes money...
  14. frisbieinstein


    Dec 29, 2007
    How do you get a guitar player to be silent?

    Put sheet music in front of him.
  15. How do you get a guitarist's attention?

    Wait until he falls asleep, put his guitar in it's case, then wake him up to a warm cup of coffee.

    How long does it take a guitarist to tune his guitar?

    Uh, is there a time limit?
  16. Or rather, why was the twelve string invented?

    To teach bassists the meaning of the word "patience".
  17. shaneswulfe


    Dec 18, 2013
    How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand!
  18. Chad Michael

    Chad Michael Supporting Member

    Sep 19, 2001
    Pacific Northwest USA
    What's the difference between electric guitar and a chainsaw?

    A tuned chainsaw actually sounds good.
  19. MrMeacham


    Nov 5, 2006
    Whats the difference between a guitar solo and masturbation? Not much, it's all about self gratification.

    Whats the difference between a guitar riff and a guitar solo? People remember a good riff.
  20. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

    Sep 18, 2021

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