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Left my band and now I’m spiraling...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by RedWire75, Aug 13, 2019 at 11:40 AM.

  1. Koshchei


    Mar 17, 2019
    Peterborough, ON
    This is absolutely awesome advice! :)
    fishdreams likes this.
  2. Beej


    Feb 10, 2007
    Victoria, BC
    If you can't sing or write songs, that only because singing and songwriting are skills you haven't developed yet. They both take practice, but are perfectly achievable by most humans. :) I got better at songwriting through rewriting songs I liked. Take the verse and make a new chorus, or vice versa. The more you play with this, the easier it gets... :D
    andrew and Charlzm like this.
  3. dbsfgyd1


    Jun 11, 2012
    Richmond , Va
    Sorry you are going through this. Here is an idea. One of the things I did when I wasn’t in a band (about 8 years) was doing recording work. Bass is not easy, and bassists that can be creative and quick are in demand. The cool thing is you will also build a network working with other musicians. Eventually you will find your niche and hopefully a band to play with. Best wishes, and chin up.
  4. Although I'm in a band, I'm hesitant to let too much of my musical identity be bound to that group, since bands tend to disband given enough time. If you are this adrift after losing the group, perhaps that's a signal that you need to work on yourself more, from a musical perspective. Do you take lessons? Do you know how to improvise well? How much do you practice? I have my band, but when I go home, most of what I practice is more related to personal development rather than the band specifically.
  5. kerrycares

    kerrycares Lover of God, People , Music and Bass Gold Supporting Member

    Jan 17, 2006
    Run an ad on Facebook or Craigslist for like minded musicians in the same work/life space as you.
    You’re not alone , find your tribe!
    Charlzm likes this.
  6. Tim Schnautz

    Tim Schnautz

    Jan 30, 2000
    That's what a friend of mine did. Couldn't go on the road due to work and family obligations, and though a premium group, was playing in a Beatles tribute and got tired of that. so, he hopped on media and did something totally different, and just asked if anyone wanted to be part of a jazz fusion band. (beats country 24/7). Some dudes got together and have been playing local fairs and theaters for the past 5 years. They're not concerned about much of anything, but making music. No gigs over 100 mi. away and are still booked 25-30 timers a year.
    Charlzm likes this.
  7. juancaminos

    juancaminos Supporting Member

    May 30, 2003
    USA, Phoenix, AZ
    I feel you, my partner and I decided to fold the Fools after a 10+ year run of solid fun. I haven't found anything since. 1.) Life just stepped in I honestly don't know how I juggled school, work, family and band before. 2.) I have contacted a few guitar players but... 3.) I have had three false start ups too. I am in #4 right now and it just seems to drag along, but nothing like we had before. Good Luck
    Charlzm likes this.
  8. Marley's Ghost

    Marley's Ghost Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 9, 2002
    Tampa, FL
    Have you thought about taking up *gasp* guitar? I've always played both and strumming my Ovation has helped me get through long stretches when I was unable to play in a band.

    Also, anyone without a physical impairment can learn how to sing passably. Have you really tried?
    Charlzm, fishdreams and Passinwind like this.
  9. LT131


    Jan 25, 2015
    Deep South
    Living is better. Find somebody to play music with, anything that has good music and company. Gigs will follow, connections will follow and you'll find what you need.
    Charlzm likes this.
  10. Come on, keep it up!
    Try bandmix or other similar sites for musicians looking for bands and vice versa.
  11. Resonance129


    Feb 15, 2011
    That sounds tough. It sucks there's not a ton you can do about the fact that they want to travel for exposure. Not to mention that you're still "in it", but just can't participate due to your responsibilities.

    I can't totally relate, but I get it... The band I play with IS a covers band, but for the last 1.5 years, we've barely gigged or even rehearsed at all. BL kinda ghosted us, didn't mention why he stopped booking gigs. The co-singer got pregnant, so I figured it had something to do with that, but I also think the BL is a bit burnt out. In that 1.5 yrs we didn't play, I've been trying to play alone, or learn new skills, or consider more YT covers, but as you said, it's not the same. It got to the point where the guitarist and I decided to start jamming and try to form our own project.
    Luckily, things may be picking up in the near future again, but that silent time is torturous until you can find another group.

    Hang in there, man. Don't give up on it. Maybe just change your methods or search criteria a bit, and see what you come up with. Best of luck.
  12. Space Pickle

    Space Pickle

    Apr 15, 2013
    dude start a band with me

    I will never let you down!
  13. Matty Koff

    Matty Koff

    Aug 21, 2014
    I live in a town where the music isn't very happening unless you play a certain style or want to play covers. You have the fact that you willingly play bass guitar as a tool. Like.. no joke.. tried to find a band for years before I realized I liked bass and played only guitar. Do what I did.. put up an add on craigslist outlining YOUR needs for the hobby. "Guitarists" are abundant. Drums and bass are hard to find. Make the goal having fun. Accept that you might not find the most technically gifted musicians in the world to play with.. start out simple with your first songs and grow with eachother as musicians. Playing WITH people as opposed to playing by yourself at home for most of your life is another acquired skill. Find a singer/guitarist or singer/pianist

    I didn't expect to meet anybody when I put my CL add up but I've met some guys I enjoy the company of.. our drummer is pretty Bad***. Things aren't progressing super quickly, but, we're having fun and without them I can't say I'd be picking up my bass guitars every day.

    Am I playing with the most talented musicians I've ever met? No, but hey I'm not the most talented musician in the world either however with some work things can sound good.. and we're having a good time.. we're respecting eachother. We motivate each other to practice at home. And the more we play together the better we'll get.

    You can't expect a trained jazz musician if you aren't willing to help compensate for their effort time and money towards that degree, or putting the time/effort into performance/touring... that would be called "getting lucky."
    Charlzm likes this.
  14. Adienn7


    Jan 26, 2007
    I'm 35 but my passion is going to live shows.. I'm dealing with depression.. Of just growing up.. Giving up going to shows.. And getting a better job.. I'm a graphic designer.. Just no solid work opportunities in my neck of the woods.. My passion for art-live music is dying.. I play bass as a hobby.. I'm hoping a new job will get me out of a creative funk.. And make me more stable. I'm going through something different but the same.. Getting older-growing up
    Charlzm and oZZma like this.
  15. Maybe hit the open mics, and decide which gives you more gratification: playing originals in your preferred style, or playing. A little tough love here, but you've setup a no-win scenario of counter-opposing requirements...you want to play different stuff than everybody else, which eliminates almost everybody else as candidates.
  16. 1bassplayinfool

    1bassplayinfool -Nowhere Man- Supporting Member

    You seem to have your ducks in a row. Never give up.
  17. jamro217

    jamro217 Supporting Member

    It is a difficult situation you're in and I feel for you. Use this time wisely to woodshed and improve your skills. When another opportunity presents itself you'll be in a better spot than you are now. Learning to compose your own material isn't that hard, really. If you have a rudimentary knowledge of music and a decent vocabulary you're in business. Just think of what you want to say and couch it in unique terms. Make sure the music fits the message. Hope this helps.
  18. Belated welcome to "adulthood realization"...I could havè written your post, word for word a few years back. I tried and tried in vain and I eventually decided to focus on other passions and hobbies such as surfing with my son. I am glad I did. I occasionally play and get hired for gigs and recordimg sessions
  19. You’re most likely going to have to settle/compromise if you want to find people to play with.
    I speak from experience in this area. It’s not going to find a quality all originals band, in exactly the genres you’ve mentioned, if you’re not looking to “make it”.
    Good luck!
  20. The two bands I played in have both ended. One of them just faded away when the BL lost interest. That didn't affect me too much since some of the same members played together in the second band. The second band broke up late last year and I have been looking for a new gig since then. I'm fine with playing covers and old enough to know I will not be the next big star. At this point in my life I'm OK with that; I just want to play good music with good musicians. I really enjoy working with others who are professional and easy to get along with. I'm too old to put up with divas of any kind.

    I play at church two or three times a month and am getting some sub jobs. I recently subbed with a group I really enjoyed. It was a last minute fill-in for a bass player I know who had a conflict for this gig. I also play guitar and mandolin and really enjoyed this sub job; good people, good music, and a fun group. They already have have their regular bass player and two guitarists. They have invited me to one of their practices and asked me to bring my mandolin only, so I'm hoping something will develop with them. At this point having fun with folks I like trumps making the extra money, but being without that solid band connection sucks. So I suggest you do as I am trying to do; keep looking and be willing to expand your search into areas you had previously not considered. Good luck going forward.

    Thump on,


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