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Left my band and now I’m spiraling...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by RedWire75, Aug 13, 2019 at 11:40 AM.

  1. ZAR14


    May 15, 2016
    Been there Done that...
    Back in the day (early 90s) I was in my later 20s and in a band that was comprised of members of a previous band and myself. We were all friends before the band formed and got along quite well
    We were playing out and starting to get noticed and decided to hire a "Promoter".
    We hired a woman who primarily worked with DJ's and an All Male Revue show. She said she would focus on getting us College gigs which may or may not require Travel.
    At the time I had a job that I liked and told the guys that I have No issues with weekend travel gigs, But I Will Not Travel during the week. I informed them that I did not have the Pipe-Dream of being a Rock Star and that the band Will Not have an effect on my Job.
    I also told my fellow band member from Day One, that as soon as this stops being fun for me, I'm Out.
    Needless to say that the promoter never delivered many gigs and as time went by the Band became less fun. I eventually quit...
  2. We had a great guitarist leave our band. Our time of mourning lasted 1 practice, 1 pizza, and too many bears in the same night.
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019 at 9:14 AM
  3. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    That's what happens when you mess with grizzlies before lunch.
  4. mrjim123

    mrjim123 Supporting Member

    May 17, 2008
    My take on this is that maybe you're barking up the wrong tree. I think that most songwriters and original bands aspire to broad exposure, i.e., they are not content to gig only in their local area. The opposite is probably true for most cover bands - the players have full time jobs and going on the road is not feasible. it's hard enough to find a good band fit, period, but you are really limiting your options by looking only for an originals band that is not willing to travel. Good luck!
  5. GBBSbassist

    GBBSbassist I actually play more guitar... Supporting Member

    Nov 23, 2010
    I'm sorry to hear that you're not in a happy or comfortable musical situation @RedWire75. I remember the post you put up a few months back about your band situation and it didn't seem like a good fit at least from a goals standpoint. Musically, I thought you guys were really good, but at the end of the day if your goals don't align there's going to be friction and that's not good for anyone.

    I actually just left my originals band last month. I was a member of the band for about 8 years now. It's hard to leave something that you feel was a big part of your life, but things just weren't gelling any more.

    Just keep on trucking. Maybe devote some time to learning a different musical style? Maybe take some lessons with a pro or something? Maybe pursue a different instrument for a bit or a different hobby entirely?

    One thing I'd certainly advice against is hooking up with a band that you don't feel is a good fit, just to be in something. I know not playing certainly sucks, but being a square peg in a round hole band just isn't built to last. I've been there a few times.
    Charlzm and oZZma like this.
  6. Nightman

    Nightman If it ain't low, it's got to go! Supporting Member

    Jun 3, 2013
    Atlanta, GA
    Start you own band with band rules around your preferences.
    Charlzm likes this.
  7. Awww heck, you caught me. Posting at work is not really a great idea.
  8. fretter


    May 24, 2012
  9. flyingfinbar

    flyingfinbar Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2010
    Long Island, New York
    I was in a very similar position as you are!

    I’ve always played originals in bands. I did the cover band thing for a bit, and it just wasn’t for me. I used to be in a fairly successful touring original rock act. We toured for four years, played hundreds of shows all over the country, cut a record with a famous, Grammy award winning producer, had a blast...then things started plateauing. I saw the writing on the wall, jumped ship and went back to college.

    Flash forward a few years, and I’m a public school teacher, married to a spectacular woman, own a home, have a couple wonderful rescue mutts. Life is good, but I’m unhappy. Not with my life, but with the lack of music in my life. So I started playing guitar. I got myself a nice tele and an old Peavey Classic 30, and started learning David Gilmour solos.

    Then I got some more pedals and started making fun atmospheric stuff. A cheap interface and GarageBand, and now I’m recording parts on my iPad!

    The whole time, I’m still plugged into the local scene. When I’m out, I’m making self-deprecating jokes about being a bandless bass player. I’m discovering new bands, from locals to international phenoms, and I’m learning how to play new styles and chasing new tones, both on bass and guitar.

    Eventually, a friend who plays in several bands shot me a message on Facebook saying he’s got some friends who are in basically the same position as me: old, responsibilities, formerly in fairly successful bands, wanna do it again. So he connected us, we linked up, and it’s been great! I’m back in the loop, playing out, rehearsing weekly, but having more fun this time around since it’s not a job, it’s a hobby.

    I’m not sure if there’s anything to be learned, here. What helped me was picking up the guitar as a true beginner (I’ve played in passing for decades, but I approached it from square-one this time), staying plugged into the local scene, being a kid again with regards to allowing new, uncomfortable music into my life, and just telling everyone who would listen that I’m a bass player who is dying to play again. I’ll tell ya, though. It gets lonely for a minute, but it comes back around, if you let it. Keep your head up, homie, and keep us in the loop.
    Mike Whitfield likes this.
  10. robassable

    robassable Supporting Member

    Feb 2, 2014
    You're focusing too much on losing the "band". I get it, it's painful, but you are waisting time not moving on and getting over it. Believe me it's not worth it. I'm 63 and have been in dozens of them, some quite successful, others not so much. Bands come and go, so the only thing you can truly rely on is yourself. Keep your priorities straight: family first (you got that), never quit trying to be a better musician, reach out to other musicians with similar interests, and keep playing, don't place so much importance on being in a "band" and sooner or later another door will open.
    Mike Whitfield and Charlzm like this.
  11. Burek


    May 28, 2019
    I'm not sure if this will help or not, but i'll give you a little advice from my perspective. If i were in your shoes, i'd buy a guitar, download a DAW, learn how to program drums and just have fun. I'm telling you this because that's exactly what i'm gonna do :bassist:

    There will always be bands, basses and whatnot. Remember to have fun on your own in between all of that. I hope this helps at least a little bit. :thumbsup:
    Charlzm likes this.
  12. drumvsbass


    Aug 20, 2011
    3 years. No band. Beat Buddy and Looper in hand, solo bass show pending.
    Charlzm likes this.
  13. rickster4003


    Feb 15, 2013
    I went through this in the late 80's. Sometimes we reach a fork in the road of life and this is where lifes changes are set. I felt my ability wasn't enough to generate much of a musical career so I worked at night and went to school all day. A few decades and a couple degrees later I have a career and can feed the family. Sure i miss playing, seems i just play to the cats now a days. But i have other stuff to be proud of. You can play it safe or you can take chances, that's up to you. No matter the choice you can still play bass, just the crowd will be different- a thousand people or in my case a lazy siamese cat.
    Charlzm likes this.
  14. andrew

    andrew Supporting Member

    May 20, 2000
    Vancouver BC/Pacific Northwest
    Endorsing Artist: Aguilar Amplification, Spector, Regenerate Guitar Works, Tech 21 NYC
    You seem a bit bitter towards your old bandmates so this might not be an option, but given you liked what the three of you had, why not suggest to them to form a casual side band that explores another style of music the three of you all enjoy but isn't an apt fit to the original band? If your previous band is heavy, ask them to try something lighter, for example. Maybe add a 4th member to diversify the sound further from the original band (new singer/2nd guitar/keyboard/etc.).

    I often end up playing very different music with some amount of the same people from project to project because we know we work well together and all have varied music tastes.

    There's no rule that everyone can only be in one band and this could be a chance for everyone to stretch and explore music you maybe have not had a chance to before.
    Charlzm and Hurricane Jimmie like this.
  15. Hurricane Jimmie

    Hurricane Jimmie Supporting Member

    Hey RedWire-
    Edwardsville Illinois here.... right across the river.
    First off, congrats on making a mature, long-term decision. You'll be in a dozen bands by the time you hang it up... you've got one family.
    I play in a zydeco band in the metro area that does some originals... and most of the folks who see us can't name one zydeco song. But they recognize the beat, the music is fun and it's a little different from the normal offering. One of my friends saw the band and asked "Do you play any originals...not that anyone would notice." :)
    I guess my point is there are cover bands that play easily recognizable songs and there are cover bands that are more genre specific and dig a little deeper into the obscure. Don't count them out...they can be a lot of fun. And who knows, you might even write a song that fits right in with them.
    Good Luck to you!
    BassCliff and DeltaTango like this.

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