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Long Distance Relationships

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by ebe9, Nov 3, 2006.


  1. ebe9

    ebe9

    Feb 26, 2006
    South Africa
    What is your experience with them, and what advice can you offer to others?
     
  2. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Never done it. They always seemed too complicated. I started getting really close to a girl when I was 20. She was fixing to move to Ecuador for about a year. I said "later".

    -Mike
     
  3. Jiggybass

    Jiggybass

    Nov 15, 2005
    Sudbury, Canada
    I wouldn't do it, but then again, I'm more of a physical person, than sit-down-and-talk kind of person. :)

    I wouldn't attempt it
     
  4. jucas

    jucas

    Dec 14, 2003
    Alberta
    Done it and it sucks. Only even considered because I was absolutely 100% sure that there would be no cheating. Not as in "she's the love of my life", but somewhere in her compicated personality I trustedbeyond a shadow of a doubt that it would be faithful. And I REALLY don't trust easily. There's no way I would ever even slightly consider it any other way.

    That havingbeen said, that one fell appart by the end as a result of us not being together during changes in personality, and we just weren't the same after.
     
  5. Vic Winters

    Vic Winters Supporting Member

    Apr 20, 2006
    Western NY
    Did it for 2 years. I thought I did everything right. It ended with me getting screwed over and her unable to let go (and it's nearly a month since I ended it). I wouldn't reccomend it.
     
  6. jokerjkny

    jokerjkny

    Jan 19, 2002
    NY / NJ / PHL
    unless the two of you arent already married, i wouldnt bother...
     
  7. BartmanPDX

    BartmanPDX Supporting Member

    Did it for three months while I was in away in Africa, and she kept writing that everything was great and she couldn't wait to see me. Then when I got back she had already hooked up with someone else.

    IMO, it's a tough thing to pull off, unless you've got an AMAZINGLY strong connection.
     
  8. Aaron Saunders

    Aaron Saunders

    Apr 27, 2002
    Ontario
    Boo.

    Seriously, nuts to that. Nothing but aggravation.
     
  9. arbitrary

    arbitrary Supporting Member

    Oct 24, 2005
    Boston, MA
    I was in a similar situation except switch Africa with Boston, it lasted only a month, no letters, barely any calls, I never wanted to see her again, I slept with somebody else (who still gives me chills thinking about it) and then immeadiatly broke it off with all girls involved. She got married a few months after that, but slept with me the day before the wedding and just recently got divorced.
     
  10. BurningSkies

    BurningSkies CRAZY BALDHEAD

    Feb 20, 2005
    Syracuse NY
    Endorsing artist: Dingwall Guitars
    I did it for two years and it worked pretty well. These days, with cell phones, messaging, IM, email, etc. its easy to keep in contact. And that's the key. Contact and lots of it. You really need to emphasize communication in a distance situation. Hardly a day went by without a number of call, messages, etc.

    I have lots of friends and family that held long term long distance relationships that ended up well...like them being married.
     
  11. Tsal

    Tsal

    Jan 28, 2000
    Finland
    It's a good tryout for a relationship. I'd attempt it if I was really sure if the relationship is going to end up in marriage, but otherwise it might save the both of you some trouble if you'd just break up now.

    A lot depends on how long and how far. A couple of hours between might work as you still have a chance to see now and then on weekends.
     
  12. cowsgomoo

    cowsgomoo gone to Longstanton Spice Museum

    Feb 8, 2003
    UK
    I've had the usual 'girlfriend going away to college' situations and 'meeting someone off the internet' type long distance situations, and they've always been unsatisfactory

    my advice would be to do everything possible to avoid such situations...

    you owe it to yourself to set standards for your relationship, and regular physical intimacy (i'm not just talking about sex) is one of the fundamental requirements for a relationship with me, if you can't provide that, you don't get me... travelling 3 hours to see someone once a week isn't good enough
     
  13. its pretty dumb, I'm about 6 months into one now, with another 6 months to go, I'm in Denmark, shes in New Zealand. exactly 12 hours apart. we talk on web cam most days, if we didn't have that i dunno if it would of lasted...
     
  14. supergolum

    supergolum

    May 30, 2006
    Quebec
    I'm in a distance relationship right now and everything is okay! We live 5 hours away from each other so I see here every two weekends usually and it's been good for 8 months now. I plan on moving there in 2 months!

    If you really have to do it, I'd say like someone mentionned earlier, communication would be the key. Talk to her as much as possible and things should be ok!
     
  15. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    Montréal
    My girlfriend was working in Calgary this summer, and I stayed in Montreal. It was pretty rough, I thought, but I was pretty confident she wouldn't ditch me at the end of it. If you can talk every second day or so, it makes things a lot easier I find. We're still together, so I guess it didn't hurt us in the long run, but maybe made us closer. Sounds kinda cheesy though...

    Also, I'm a complete doofus when it comes to ladies, so not having a girlfriend around was pretty much like usual, so it's not like I was missing out on much, and I wasn't going to do anything stupid and compromise the relationship I had.
     
  16. Bayou_Brawler

    Bayou_Brawler The most hurtful thing ever realized

    Oct 23, 2003
    Ann Arbor, MI
    i think it is insane to try a long distance thing UNLESS you have a previous realtionship and have plans on re-uniting...and of course y'all are very sure about each other.

    otherwise i think it's a bad idea...especially if your young...

    plus someone will probably cheat on the other....
     
  17. tr68gt

    tr68gt Acme Corporation Beta Tester

    Aug 2, 2006
    Naples, Florida
    I had a long distance relationship for about a year. And like it was said here before, communication is the key. She was in Oklahoma, and I was in Florida, so visiting each other always involved plane tickets and such. I might add, we're together and married now, we made it work. I think it's really up to the individuals involved.
     
  18. There is good and bad. I was in a relationship for 2 years, then went to college and tried to make it work. At this point, I can see how difficult it really is. Depending on your situation, you really have to evaluate it after you try it for some time. With me, I knew that my situation (due to college) would be like this for many years, so I decided to unfortunately end it.
     
  19. smitcat

    smitcat

    Aug 5, 2003
    Ithaca, NY
    i consider myself extremely lucky to have had a long distance relationship that actually worked. I met my (now fiance) girlfriend at college. she lived 5 hrs away. When we first started dating it was tough. but i would see her during the school year and just not be with her during the summer. We both learned to deal with it, and that we both had lives to live instead of spending 8 hrs on the phone every night. There was a year that we didn't live near each other, and would just see each other once a month. We now live together as she is going back to get her masters, and are getting married in a couple years( when she is done with school)
    On a side note, it was during the first summer away from her that i started playing bass, as a distraction from not seeing her.
     
  20. tplyons

    tplyons

    Apr 6, 2003
    Madison, NJ
    Did it, and it worked for a while. The problem was her lack of effort into the relationship. We dated throughout high school, then I, being a year older, went off to college just over an hour away. I was home every other weekend to see her, and not once, in seven months did she come visit me.
     
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

     
    Jan 16, 2021

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