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Look before you land

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Bassist4Eris, Jun 10, 2014.

  1. Bassist4Eris

    Bassist4Eris Frat-Pack Sympathizer

    Warning: disgusting story alert. Perfect for TBOT methinks. :D

    So, I was at work today, and I had just finished my lunch break. I was already late getting back to my desk, but nature was calling suddenly, and in a big way. I made a dash into the men's room and sat down to do my business, when suddenly I had a nasty suspicion.

    Yes, the last guy to use the toilet had left a little on the seat. I spent the next 10 minutes or so wiping someone else's poop off my butt cheek... and my hand. :vomit:

    I mean, how does that even happen? I can understand a little sprinkle when you tinkle (please be neat and wipe the seat, though) but how is that even possible with a number two? What did he do, drop it from a height? :***:

    It really disgusted me and made me angry when it happened. At this point, I can laugh about it. And now, thanks to the power of the internet, so can you. :beaver:
    placedesjardins likes this.
  2. 4StringAxe


    Jul 27, 2009
    There are probably a few people in here who will read this like a bed time story. :eek:
    placedesjardins likes this.
  3. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    How can it happen? If you will pardon the pun, some people just don't give a ®¥π?$%.
  4. Bassist4Eris

    Bassist4Eris Frat-Pack Sympathizer

    Well he sure gave one to me! :D
  5. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Just be glad you found out BEFORE you rebuttoned the pants.
  6. samson3382


    Apr 26, 2009
    Boise, Idaho
    Porta-Potties at music festivals...
    I can't even imagine the fecal feats required to "produce" some of the things I've seen.
  7. Bassist4Eris

    Bassist4Eris Frat-Pack Sympathizer

    Oh man, I hadn't even thought about that! :***:
  8. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Someone had to, ;)
  9. Stewie26

    Stewie26 Supporting Member

    So find out which one of your coworkers had the hot chile the night before.......then punish him.
    ImNotJoel likes this.
  10. Bassist4Eris

    Bassist4Eris Frat-Pack Sympathizer

    Unfortunately, there are hundreds of people where I work.
  11. Stewie26

    Stewie26 Supporting Member

    Then that's a very public bathroom. Don't they have paper butt gaskets? Anyway...sorry this happened to you.
  12. BboogieXVII


    Feb 4, 2013
    Maybe it's the human version of this.
  13. placedesjardins


    May 7, 2012
    Funny you should say that.
    One day, I was at a public park. I'll skip the boring details, time passes by and I felt a rumbling in my stomach. The kind that is a premonition of diarrhea. The family needed to wrap up our fun time ASAP. Well, things were escalating and I did not have time to drive home or to a restroom. Fortunately, the park had Portajohns. No one else was at the park except some people in the distance playing soccer. While packing away bicycles, I saw a roll of paper towels, and I had a sixth sense I might need that just to cover the seat.
    The family waits in the car while I go to the portajohn. In that short amount of time, it went defcon 5 to defcon 1. I didn't have time to create a toilet seat shield of paper towels. I threw my sweat shirt off onto the floor, pulled my pants down, hovered above the seat and dropped the mega-bomb of diarrhea. It was a constant stream. Non-stop. It was actually a relief. But, it kept on streaming out to the point where I was thinking, "when is it going to end?" It finally did. I must have dropped five pounds.
    I grabbed the paper towel instead of using the toilet paper to clean myself. It wasn't bad. Nothing messy. Then, I turned around. I had moved to where the stream of diarrhea was no longer going in the middle but onto the toilet seat. I used the paper towel to clean that up as much as possible. I couldn't get to the crevices though.
    Have a happy June 11th.
    edpal likes this.
  14. samson3382


    Apr 26, 2009
    Boise, Idaho
    So that's how it happens...
  15. machine gewehr

    machine gewehr

    Sep 17, 2005
    Off to lunch I go.

    After reading this thread.:atoz:
  16. adi77

    adi77 Banned

    Mar 15, 2007
    hmmm.. there was a guy in my office who i called "hippo" and it was not because of his size
  17. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    I had a similar experience at Lake Nakuru in Kenya, 27 years ago on our honeymoon. It has since become the coded benchmark for the bowel event of my life.

    Thanks for reminding me.
  18. machine gewehr

    machine gewehr

    Sep 17, 2005
    Not a similar story but the main subject is **** in this one too.:D

    Years ago this girl friend of mine from highschool calls me and wants to hang out. I kinda like her and she kinda likes me, I think.

    I was leaning on a fence and was holding the fence with my right hand. 5 seconds before we meet and greet / kiss each other, I feel something in my hand. The smell came to my nose before the sight arrived in my eyes.:D
    I don't know if it was a bird (has to be a giant bird) or a dog doing acrobatics though.

    I held my right hand as far as away from her possible until I could wash it. No wonder nothing happened with her, I was so distant I must have refused her offer to take my arm.:roflmao:
  19. nukes_da_bass

    nukes_da_bass Banned

    Feb 19, 2006
    west suburban boston
    Sharts happen. And when they do, I throw away the underwear and never look back.
  20. AuBassMan

    AuBassMan Supporting Member

    Oct 17, 2011
    Central Virginia
    I'm a mgr. in a restaurant. When a customer wasn't allowed to make a long distance call on the rest. phone, he took a sugar shaker in the mens room and somehow packed a stoolie in it. Another time an old lady made it to the restroom hallway where she dropped her pants and proceeded to spin around spraying the walls and floor with poo.
    placedesjardins likes this.

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