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Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Stanley Design, Jan 5, 2003.

  1. Ok, ive been writing lyrics and i just wanted to post these lyrics. no particular reason just wanted to share. ok here goes...

    SONG #1
    uncertainty restrains
    im a twisted mangle
    i see myself as a temple to past wounds

    my face is distorted
    my body scarred
    my soul weak and dim

    guidance has fallen'
    ive taken an unbeaten path
    made my own way
    lost in itself i cant escape

    i dont see myself anymore
    just a false figure in agony
    i can see right thru myself and into my soul

    i can see the horid person i am
    i can see my tortured and hideous body reflecting that inner pain
    the positives are long forgotten and burried
    only leaving what is left of me

    friends? who are they
    they arnt really friends to me
    family? to me they arnt my family
    im different now
    our blood isnt the same
    im not like them
    i cant be
    ive changed

    im different
    my soul is dieing
    almost gone
    and taking anything it wants with it
    i hide behind a mask
    because im scared

    im scared of the reality
    because uncertainty restrains

    SONG #2
    as a child
    our minds are mild
    we grow and learn
    how we all will burn

    all of the lies
    come as a surprise
    it makes up our society
    and our every day lives

    the sins are concealed
    concealed within
    we keep them alive
    underneath our skin

    your greed turns to rage
    your life turns the page
    in the book of how
    time and time again you lied
    in the book of how,
    the others you sacrified

    the truth is locked up
    you wouldnt want it revieled
    the truth about life
    is plainly concealed

    concealed with the lies
    you strive for the prize
    the prize of our lives
    nobody trys
    nobody denys
    without that courage
    we never will fly

    SONG #3
    I'm sorry,
    for all that I have done.
    I'm sorry,
    for all that I have become.
    and thanks,
    for all that you did.
    and thanks,
    for all that you said.
    I never meen to make you feel bad,
    all I ever want is
    to just hold your hand.

    I wish I could be,
    what you want me to be.
    and I wish I could see,
    what you see in me.
    a simple answer is no.
    when all I can see,
    is what I cannot be.

    I wish you were here,
    here with me now.
    I wish you would tell me,
    "please, calm down".
    I wish you would tell me,
    "everything is all right".
    I wish I wouldnt have,
    to go through another night.
    a night where i feel, i feel so sad.
    a night where i wish, that you would be mad.

    "be mad at me please",
    I say and silently cry.
    "be mad at me please",
    and I just want to die.
    I wish I could be,
    perfect for you.
    that is how I want,
    I want me to be too.
    I open my mouth to tell you all this,
    but I get scared, I stumble, I miss

    I have become,
    all that you've hated.
    my fault entirly,
    this I've created.

    It all started,
    with an innocent kiss.
    It all started,
    with an innocent wish.
    I took it too far,
    I wanted to raise the bar.
    I should have waited,
    look what I've created.

    I wish you would be,
    angry with me.
    I want you to see,
    how horrible I can be.
    I see all these,
    I see them all in me.
    I see that you hurt,
    alot around me.

    You will say,
    "No, there is nothing wrong".
    and then I will say,
    "Then why, did I write this song?"

    SONG #4
    frozen nightmare, crimson wound, battle of mind, battle of flesh

    the heat of my blood against the cold
    the steam rises as the plot will unfold
    never again will i get the chance
    to ask for one last hug, a kiss or a dance

    my once sad smile now completly alone
    no more emails, or conversations by phone
    helpless, confused. maybe even used
    the thought runs cold that I've been abused

    memories of a walk in the park
    memories of your lips in the dark
    memories that will stain our lives
    memories that feel like knives
    against my heart these knives will press
    until I cry out in dispair and distress
    without voice, without sound i am hopeless
    indeed, thats another thing you took away from me

    shadows of trees in the winter cold
    shadows alone like me growing old
    falling to the ground and becoming one
    i realize what i should have done

    longing for death and longing to obsess
    cant fight the longing for that terrible mess
    we are all weak when it comes to this
    we all think that death is full of pure bliss

    to me this is true, or true enough for me
    living this life any longer to me is just crazy
    the warmth of the flames as they consume
    i feel like a flower in august in bloom
    reminds me of times when warmth was protecting

    now as my body burns to its ultimate demise
    soon ill be met with my ultimate prize
    my body, my temple as destroyed as it is
    my inner soul would be united with his

    the battle is lost

    thats all of um so far, thanks for listening
  2. your lyrics have a problem that i find with a lot of amateur lyrics. they're very vague. none of them describe any action or anything concrete, just ideas. "agony" "distress" "greed" that doesn't mean anything to me. it's good to get these feelings down on paper but they're not worth much as songs, because they're not interesting to the reader/listener. there's no grit, there's no visceral sensory qualities.

    i kind of like "the heat of my blood against the cold / the steam rises," that's going in the right direction. but then you go into "memories..." blah. don't tell me it's a memory, show me.

    some more pointers: don't put the word "e-mail" in a song, unless it's lighthearted in just the right way. don't refer to the song itself: "why did i write this song."

    finally, cheer up. :)
  3. thanks :D so your suggesting i tell a story in there as well as my overall idea?
  4. i was gonna say something, but i really don't have anything better than what DHC said. good advice there.
    are you writing songs just to get stuff out of your system and release stuff? (that's what i do)
    or are you doing this with the intent of using them with a band and making them into actual songs?
  5. both
  6. BTW these are just rough copies i wrote i really havent sat down and fine tuned them because i dont have a band put together yet (extremly hard to find a drummer, been looking for over a year) but yeah these songs just come off the top of my head basically, in about 20-30 min tops.
  7. just now i figured: hey, he's putting his thoughts and feelings out here, i'll give some o' mine
    these are some of my less crappy (but still crappy) songs
    funnel vision:
    staring down, anticipating
    seeing what i think, is in store for me
    hoping and thinking, i'd recieve it all
    not prepared, for this drastic fall

    this funnel vision
    decieving, believing
    so much more would come
    not showing, or knowing
    how abrupt the end would come

    cast down, thinking of the means
    disappointed, resenting the ends
    now seeing, this didn't have to be
    should have realized, sooner and acted on

    intuition, superstition
    not supposition, but intuition

    this funnel vision
    decieving, believing
    so much more would come
    not showing, or knowing
    how abrupt the end would come

    this is not a song, just a little thing i wrote
    i've choked on every nail
    you could've asked me too
    i've dealt with all the s***
    you always put me through
    i've swallowed mud and dirt
    as you dragged me through the mire
    and as you laugh so casually
    i set myself on fire

    march 22
    picked up
    slow ride
    get there
    waltz in
    say hi
    kick off you shoes

    feel alive
    warm yourself
    by this fire
    it's meant for you

    but not worrying
    late night
    get one your shoes
    go home

    do not cry
    but don't hold back
    remember it
    this is life

    that's all folks, unless i decide to torture you with more of my dumb crap
  8. superfreak

    superfreak Unregistered

    Aug 18, 2002
    Clarksville, TN
    This is my ultimate fav...wonderful stuff...have you put them to music yet?
  9. if angsty songs are your goal, by the way, i recommend listening to the Smiths. plenty of teenage heartbreak/uncertainty there! morrissey is the master. in a similar vein, here's one of my all-time favorite sad songs, by the Microphones:

  10. the smiths certainly are great.
    personally, some of my favorite lyrics are on incestiside (nirvana), as well as bleach. bet no one saw that coming:D
    my friend made me a geat mix cd. she didn't give me a track listing (she wanted me to be surprised:) ) so i dunno what songs they are, but a few have some amazing lyrics. so i suppose saying that was pointless, since i don't know the songs or bands...
    "jump into the ocean
    leave me with a notion
    if you're caught in the motion
    backtrack, and return to me"
    something like that

    JAUQO III-X Banned

    Jan 4, 2002
    Endorsing artist:see profile.
    These are lyrics from a song I wrote for my mother.the song is called

    v-1 Your the first woman to have my heart.
    This you've held way before my soul had
    it's very own start.you were there when
    I sang my first cry,and eased my many
    questions of why.

    Mama you mean all to me,Mama your the
    roots of my destlny.inspiration,appreciation,
    reality.Mama I thank you for the key.

    The first woman to exspress her love for
    me,came from you and to this day the
    beauty of it's power still holds beyond
    all debts of true,all the while your inner
    brightness being my first caresse,one that
    to this moment I can still feel.

    When I would ease onto the greatest
    levels of sorrow it would always be your
    unspoken words that would always allow
    me that one more tomorrow,and for this
    all I would just love to say.
  12. i based my lyric writing on my own guidance and following the works of Bad Brains, Dogwood and CKY. They are my 3 favorite bands and their lyrics never give a story they give atmosphere more then anything. lots of describing feelings and having lessons on life. lots of raw emotion.
  13. yeah thats my favorite too, next comes the one i call "uncertainty restrains" as i said i havent fine tuned anything or put it to music, ive written bass and guitar lines but havent really put um together yet. ide like to work with a drummer before that happens. by the way that most of these came from me problems in the past and my girlfriend helping me deal with them, and then a few new problems that have arised but have passed.

    ill explain more on this later but right now the bell is just about to ring (2nd period Vis/Com)