major trouble with band

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by wotnwhy, Nov 11, 2002.

  1. the band i'm in at the moment is the only PROPER band i've been in (as in regular jams and gigging), i've been in the band for 2 years and we are all really good friends, but here's the trouble...

    we have all finished our GCSE's, i have gone to college and the other 3 members have stayed on in the 6th form. we jam every saturday, stay the night wherever we're jamming and jam a bit more sunday morning.

    since starting college i only see my bandmates 1ce a week, and every time i see them they're slightly different personality wise, and now it's got to the point where i don't even like them that much anymore. what's worse is that they have all taken up smoking certain "plants", now i have no objection to this but it's got to the point now where we all arrive, they smoke for 2 hours, jam for half an hour, smoke, sleep, sleep, sleep, wake up, smoke, SOMETIMES jam for 10 minets, go home. now i don't know about the rest of you, but for me this feel like a wasted weekend (literally). i have little time to sociallise with anybody else, my mums getting suspicious of me comming home smelling funny and i simply don't get on with them as well as i used to.

    the obvious answear is to quit the band, it's not worth all the trouble, but to me the band is REALLY good, my guitarist can write some brilliant songs and we're tight as a group, and i know that if i quit the band i'll totally lose contact with them all, which i don't want to happen

    i have tried talking to them and trying to sort it out, they all say "yeah, we're sorry, we'll sort things out" or something along those lines, but they never do. i'm 99% sure i'm going to quit the band, but one of my main problems in HOW? do i tell them all at the end of a jam, just before i go home? do i ring them all up individually and tell them on the phone? what?

    i really need some help on this subject, i'm going mad :(


  2. eye4eye


    Sep 14, 2002
    Tracy Ca.
    Hey dude id say tell em before you jam if you drive that way there stuck standin there like idiots, people need to learn that you dont mess with the rythem section. Have you threatend to quit though, cause if you would like to stay with the band and you like your band mates then let them know before hand that you feel like quiting due to there over use of this special certain plant you spoke of. And if they still end up being assholes then say screw `em, those arent real friends if they dont care about your opinion. Later, Sean.
  3. wulf


    Apr 11, 2002
    Oxford, UK
    How about going home early - arrive, chill for a bit, jam for a while, and then head off when they turn to the wacky backy. That way, you're not wasting your time but freeing up space to pursue other opportunities (for example, there's probably stuff going on at your college that you could get involved in).

    It wouldn't be good to bail on them just before a gig, but if you find that other projects are placing more demands on your time, you might be able to ease out of the existing group . Do something positive rather than getting het up about something negative ;)

  4. when i spoke to them i did threaten to quite and they said they wouldn't smoke at jams, which they didn't, then one week they would just wont 1, next week would be 2... you know how it goes.

    the other main reason i don't want to leave the band is because i hate not having anything to do music wise, i'm addicted to jamming. but i am trying to get together a college band, and once thats going it'll be easier to quite because i wont be going from something to nothing band wise. but the main problem will actually be telling them, thats the bit i'm not looking forward to :(

    thanks for the advice


  5. Boplicity

    Boplicity Supporting Member

    You have a tricky situation. I've been in a similar one myself. Anyway, what has happened here is that you have moved on with your life and outgrown these guys. They don't appear to have the motivation to do better or try to keep up with you.

    A year from now you will have moved ahead even further and they will still be where they are or worse, because life has a way of keeping one from standing still. It is as if life conspires to make one move forward or slip behind, but it is very hard to just stay in the exact same place.

    In short, I don't care how good your guitarist is right now, it doesn't look as if he plans to make something of his ability. The world is full of great guitarists who never amounted to anything because their personal limitations outweighed their guitar skills.

    Stay with these losers as long as you like, but at the same time work on better options for yourself.
    When the time does come that you can "trade up", let your band mates know in as diplomatic terms as possible, but don't keep them guessing. Don't just "not show up" ever again. Just say you found a band that suits you better or something similar.
  6. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Word, Bop. That's twice.