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Making friends after age 30...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by miko, Dec 8, 2003.

  1. So I've finally reached the point where I can count the number of friends I have on one hand. [and i'm missing a pinkie finger, so that oughta tell ya something. :p j/k].

    It's nice being able to know "who your real friends are," however, I kinda want some new hangmates.

    My very best friend lives in Seattle, so naturally the logistics of that friendship are tough. We do communicate by e-mail a lot, though.

    My other best friend got married, had a kid, moved to Virginia, and never connects, so that one's dying a quick death.

    My other best friend is in New York, but she's gay, and our lifestyles don't always synch up.

    I have another possie of friends -- people i've known since jr. high school, but with the exception of one of them, i basically consider these chicks to be my drinking buddies. I don't have much in common with them, nor do I have much admiration and respect for them. In short, they're dumb.

    It's really hard to make friends with other women, since most of the ones my age spend a lot of their energy on their children, or their career. I've met a few bassist chicks, but they were a lot younger than me.

    I'm less concerned with meeting other women who share my extracurricular interests than I am in just meeting women who are cool. I'd like someone with whom i can have a good intellectual exchange of ideas, and go to the movies or shopping or play tennis with. In short, just another good friend or two.

    What's yer suggestion? And do you have the same difficulty in finding new friendships after 30, and thus make your dog your best friend?

    'that's what friends are for...'
  2. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    Explore new things where you can meet people with similar interests, e.g. sports groups, special interest groups - e.g. painting, dancing, drama etc.
  3. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    "I have another possie of friends"

    Heheh....that's funny to read. Well hey, if you ever come to see your friend in Seattle, you can crank up the song "Posse on Broadway" by Sir Mix-a-lot and drive through Capitol Hill. :)

    I wish I had a posse.

  4. I live in solitude, I have my drummer which I consider my best friend and some other comrades who I share opinions with. But basically it's me and my own thoughts. Life seems to move too fast and unpredictable to have deep relationships with people these days.
  5. vegaas


    Nov 6, 2001
    I agree with you Miko. I 3 really good friends that I have known for ions. Other than that, I have acquantinces that I hang out with, but, I wouldnt call them friends. Everyone becomes so busy with their lives that it seems to me the best you can expect is aquantinces after 30. Maybe I am wrong, but that is my experience.
  6. Joe Turski

    Joe Turski

    Jul 29, 2003
    Who says they have to be women? If you have a hard time with women, find a male friend.

    I know a few women that just don't get along with other women. So they have all guy friends.

    Age really shouldn't be an issue here. :)
  7. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses

    - take a class. yoga. karate. basket-weaving. calculus. whatever interests you.

    - audition for and or join other bands. i've made some excellent friends like that.

    - audition for a community theater play. don't matter if you never acted, musicians are all great actors :) .

    - identify an addiction you have, or get one, and join a self help group. there's lots of em out there. AA, Al-anon (you can get into that one if ANYONE you know is an alcoholic), debtors anonymous (don't laugh, it's real popular and lots of people have serious problems with debt), SLAA (sex and love addicts anonymous), gamblers anonymous, the list is endless. there's even "arts anonymous" for artists who simply struggle with their art.

    - do volunteer work somewhere.

    - join a religious cult. or find funky mass services that appeal to you and start going to them.

    those are just a few ways off the top of my head. if i think of more i'll post em.
  8. Blackbird

    Blackbird Supporting Member

    Mar 18, 2000
    Ions Atoms with positive or negative charge due to an imbalance in the proton-electron ratio.

    Eons-A huuuuge amount of time.:p

    Half my friends are scattered around the world. I moved around a lot so some people were always left behind, but I have some ten good friends now plus many good acquaintances from all walks, but I can also live live quite happily on my own.
  9. Getting a voluntary job at a small club did wonders for me. I met my girlfriend there, made some good friends and got to know some people in the local music business. The place closed down, so those good friends are nothing more but acquaintances now, but my girl stuck around :) and I still know who to talk to for a small gig.

    I'm in between bands right now, but fellow musician are the best friends one can have, and some on them are for life. So last friday some old friends an me teamed up to jam weekly.
  10. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    Age certainly is an issue - but it happens to men as well as women.

    So - in my 30s - a lot of my best friends decided that it was "now or never" to have children and they devoted all their time to this and either couldn't afford the money or time to come out and socialise and eventually we lost touch completely.

    As Miko says - the people who are not "dumb" - but rather intelligent and sensitive, seem determined that they will devote a lot of time and effort to bringing up their children "just right" - so both men and women disappear from the social scene completely! :(

    This is one reason why - as I approached 40 - I determined to get out and play music and took up Jazz. I meet loads of new people at Jazz jams and eeven more at Jazz Summerschool. But it is quite noticable, that they are either fairly young - or are old enough that their children have grown up and fled the nest - late 40s, 50s.....
  11. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Do more gigs. Or go to watch more gigs. Watching bands is as good for you as as practicing. You usually end up chatting with other bass players first and once they decide you're an OK person, they tend to introduce you the the other musicians, they introduce you their their other halves and friends, and so on..........
  12. Robert B

    Robert B Somewhere under the rainbow Supporting Member

    Jan 21, 2000
    Rittman, OH, USA
    Volunteer for a couple hours of charity work a week. Might be a good way to meet good people...
  13. Plucky


    Jun 18, 2002
  14. vegaas


    Nov 6, 2001
    Haha, I just now looked at my post and was about to edit it when I saw your post. ;)
    I typed it up in a hurry the other day and didnt proof read it, that'll teach me. The other typo should be "I have 3" not "I 3".
  15. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

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