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Marriage: how young it too young?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by jmattbassplaya, Oct 24, 2010.


  1. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Looking for a gig around East Islip, NY!

    Jan 13, 2008
    This is kind of a weird question, but after the past few months I've been noticing a lot more people in my age bracket (18-22 years old) starting to get hitched and I can't help but ask you guys what your thoughts are on this.

    For example, I recently joined a business fraternity and befriended a guy in my pledge class who is married. After talking to him some I discovered that he and the gal got engaged after only dating for around 8 months and were married within a year of the proposal. The crazy part of this is that they started dating when they were 17 and were married before even turning 19.

    Now I know this isn't new and I know that in the days of yore getting married at this age and earlier wasn't uncommon, but I can't help but wonder what the parents had to be thinking to allow their children to get married at such a young age. Not only that, but I have to wonder what the guy and his girl had to be thinking in order to go through with such a huge life choice.

    Anyways, I guess what I'm asking is this: do you think getting married before, during, or immediately after college is too young? Do you think people know themselves well enough to make such an important life choice? Do you think couples marrying that young will last? Get divorced?

    Feel free to throw in any personal stories if you think it helps make your case. I know that while I have no plans on getting married till I'm at least 28 and financially stable, I'd still like some advice on the matter so I can know what to look for in a partner and in myself to know whether or not I'm really ready.
     
  2. Kosko

    Kosko

    Dec 12, 2005
    Buffalo
    Half the older partners age plus 7.
     
  3. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Banned

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    94 is too young. ;)
     
  4. traditionally young folks got married because survival depended on it.....people were born and lived in the same town,or even the house that their parents did.....these days there are far too many variables, and even marriages between mature adults don't always last.....personally i don't subscribe to the notion that the state or church has any bid'nez in determining whether or not my relationships are legit or not and here living together for 6 months is the same and she still gets half your stuff if you split.....

    if you gotta ask you are not ready.....if you think you will look at the world at forty the same as you do now you are mistaken..... if you think this girl will still be as she is now,aint gonna happen....if you believe that she and you can get through all the ups and downs and still stay together then go ahead.....the odds are about 50/50.... like the old gamblers used to say,"never bet against an even chance"
     
  5. tplyons

    tplyons

    Apr 6, 2003
    Madison, NJ
    As a recent college graduate, my friends are starting to get hitched, or are preparing to get engaged. It really depends on the people. A good friend of mine is 22 and just proposed, and we wondered what took him so long -- he had been dating the same girl since he was 14 and they've lived together for the last 6 months. Another good friend just popped the question at 24, and we all thought he was nuts.

    It depends on the people in the relationship. For some, any age is too young.
     
  6. Jazz Ad

    Jazz Ad Mi la ré sol

    I've yet to find a good reason to get married.
     
  7. pedroims

    pedroims

    Dec 19, 2007
    Michigan
    I was 31 when I got married after dated my wife for four years, good thing about that is that I had a very long bachelor party ... 16 years !! ( from 15-31). I need to say that my wife was the ONLY girl that I dated, before her I met several women but was always about sexual pleasure, no feelings involved, no flowers , no i love you bla bla . We have been married for the last seven years, do we have problems? YES ! I married a woman so what can I expect. However my priorities in life has not changed since I got married:

    1) God
    2) Family
    3) Work

    I dont need to go to the bar every Friday and I dont need a '' boys day'' neither, I still have my friends and I see them whenever I want but my family comes first in line so, if I need to take my son to his karate lessons, doesnt matter if my team is playing the final and my friends are at the bar watching the game and waiting for me, my son will be on time to take his class. IME you need to accomplished at least the stupids things in life before conmmit to marry, drink all the beer you want now, spend all your money in peanuts if you want, seduce the hottie chearleader, GET A GOOD JOB, meet the right person, spend time with her, then get married if you think she is the one. And let me tell you something , when you are 20 mostly every woman you meet is the one so be careful.
     
  8. Let It Fall

    Let It Fall Banned

    Oct 15, 2009
    Baton Rouge
    DO you have a career or a plaeven if your in college.
    Are you financially read NO LIVING WITH PARENTS.

    Are you responsible? Have you ever had bills? Are you mature? Do you still want to party?

    And just a tip couples who wait till marriage to live together have a better chance of staying together.

    Have your priorities in order.

    God
    Wife
    Children
    Work
     
  9. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Looking for a gig around East Islip, NY!

    Jan 13, 2008
    I should probably point that I have no plans on getting married now, although I am dating a lovely girl who I was best friends with for over 7 years prior to us getting together :p

    I'm just curious about what you guys have to say on the subject. Believe me, I know I got a lot more living to do for myself first :)
     
  10. Unrepresented

    Unrepresented Something Borderline Offensive

    Jul 1, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    Statistics show that early marriage has a high correlation with divorce.

    I'm of the "measure twice, cut once" club. If being together is your ultimate goal, why rush into it?
     
  11. RickenBoogie

    RickenBoogie

    Jul 22, 2007
    Dallas, TX
    I got married (the first time) at 21, and then again at 36. Both were complete disasters. Current marriage has outlasted the first 2 combined, and shows no signs of strain. I don't think it was age entirely, but rather, the amount of financial comfort, and rock solid carreers for both. Eliminate financial problems, and any spat between 2 people seems trivial. Maybe maturity, (at whatever age) combined with financial stability is the magic combo?
     
  12. Howdja forget??? :scowl: I fix'd it for you :D

    Granted I'm young, but I think I'm gonna be on the same boat for a long time.
     
  13. I'll just +1 both of these.
     
  14. LaklandBass

    LaklandBass

    Jan 26, 2005
    IL
    Yea I see no reason. Im not religious and I dont even like the state that I live in so I feel no need to try to justify my relationship to a book or a government.
     
  15. skwee

    skwee

    Apr 2, 2010
    Minneapolis
    IMHO, if you're married, you should have:

    1. known your spouse for at least two years before you got hitched, period
    2. lived with your spouse for at least a few months before you got hitched
    3. been at least twenty five years old before you proposed/said yes
    4. lived on your own for awhile (not with parents) so that you know how to take of yourself
    5. dated some other people before you got serious with your spouse (if this person is your first significant other, at least have observed #1 above
    6. have gotten an HIV and STD test with your potential spouse. If you both haven't faced your own mortality and ethical standards at even this frail level, you do not deserve the life benefits of marriage. And you should have done that before you got really intimate anyway.

    observe these guidelines, and you have a higher chance of staying married forever. I can't agree with those above who say that waiting till marriage helps. I say prepare yourself by understanding healthy intimacy and mutual respect before you commit to a marriage. (to be more clear, though: nobody who is in high school should be having sex)
     
  16. I would agree with this, but my fiancee will read this. I'm not "whipped", it's just that I'm not as dumd as some people think.
     
  17. piano fighter

    piano fighter

    Apr 17, 2010
    MD
    I'm in my last year at college, and proposals are an epidemic on this campus, and I think they're all nuts. And it's only going to get worse next semester.

    I want to get out and see the world beyond my school and my classes before I make decision that I plan on sticking with the rest of my life.
     
  18. Staccato

    Staccato Low End Advocate

    Aug 14, 2009
    Alabama
    Dating each other exclusively for over 2 years is a must! No negotiation, or interpretation.

    The Big 'Warning Signs' of Dating, and what leads some couples to marry:

    My friends are getting married, so it's about my turn?
    We're in love, and surely we can make it work/last.
    She (or he) wants kids now, so let's make the jump.
    My parents would kill me if I shacked up.
    My GF is pregnant, and it's the right thing to do. (Very, very few of the teens in this situation stay married!)
    She might break up w/ me, if I don't ask her-soon.

    The Classic 'Big Three' probs. of marriage:

    Money
    Sex
    In-Laws
     
  19. How much money does it take to have sex with your in-laws?
     
  20. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    I was 32. Best thing I ever did. I imagine I'd probably have been dead for a good 8 years or so by now.......
     

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