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Miscarriage info needed.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by bassturtle, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. bassturtle


    Apr 9, 2004
    My wife and I found out this afternoon that she miscarried. Needless to say, we're both crushed. This is extremely hard to talk about, but I would like some advice from people who've been here.

    She was about 3 1/2 months along, making the fetus the size of a lemon. Because of this, it's obviously too large for her to pass like most early miscarriages. We have to go in tomorrow to figure out how they'll remove the fetus from her. The two options the doctor wants us to look at are

    1. D and C. They'll dialate (did I spell that right?) her to 10cm and sugically remove the fetus. This would be an out-patient procedure done in the OB clinic we use.
    2. They'd admit her to a hospital, vaginally insert a pill which would induce labor. So she'd be basically birthing the dead baby.

    Right now we're leaning towards option number 1. I think option number 2 is going to be a little too hard for her emotionally.

    Has anyone experienced either of the above two things? Have any thoughts on either of them? Obviously, we'll probably go with whatever the doctor prefers, but again, I think option number 2 will be a bit too much for my wife.

    Thanks for any input.
  2. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton valar morghulis Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    very sorry to hear.

    miscarriages are rough. from my biological parents, there were supposed to be 4 kids. there is only 1.

    sorry i can't offer any helpful info... but it sounds like choice 1 would be less traumatic for you and your wife
  3. Ericman197


    Feb 23, 2004
    Go with whatever your doctors recommend. It's rare, but there is a risk of permanent damage with any of these procedures.
  4. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio

    My wife and I went through this. She had a D and C.

    Although it is still painful to talk about to this day, we carry on the best we can.... we would of had a baby by now. :bawl:

    Things happen for a reason... keep your head up and remember - no matter how painful it is for guys to deal with, the female really has it bad, not only emotionally, but physically. :( :( :( Be strong not only for yourself, but most importantly for your wife.

    I'm sorry you guys have to go through this. :(

    Carlos Alvarez-Rico
  5. Darrin


    Mar 18, 2003
    Music City, USA
    After a miscarriage at 6 weeks, we (ex and I) went with option 1.
  6. smperry

    smperry Administrator Staff Member Administrator Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Bay Area, CA
    I'm so sorry. :(

    My wife and I didn't miscarry (although we had a bad scare at the end) but some very good friends of ours did. They did the D and C for the reasons you mentioned (they were also 3+ months). I should add that just last month, they had a beautiful baby boy.

    I'll be thinking of you in this difficult time. I wish I could do something to help.

  7. Aaron Saunders

    Aaron Saunders

    Apr 27, 2002
    Oh wow, man...I'm so sorry. A lot of couples miscarry the first time, I've heard. If I were you, I'd advise her to go with the first option...I couldn't imagine someone actually being strong enough emotionally for #2.
  8. So sorry to hear. My wife wasn't far enough along to to need a D and C but it was still very hard. Still is. We are still trying. Good luck.
  9. westland


    Oct 8, 2004
    Hong Kong
    I'm very sorry to hear this. My wife and I went through a miscarriage many years ago and it is a traumatic experience. My wife hada D&C done at that time. The only consolation -- and we did eventually see it this way -- is that most (80% I had heard somewhere) of miscarriages are the mother's body's way of terminating a deformed or otherwise compromised child. The miscarriage happened about 2 years after our second child was born; we went on to have a third child, and all three children are very healthy and well-adjusted.
  10. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Like the others, I'm sorry for your loss. The wife and I went through this, also at 3 1/2 months, and opted for option 1. It seems to be easier mentally and physically.
  11. I can't possibly imagine why anyone would do #2 unless a D&C is a particularly risky procedure--but aren't induced deliveries, too?

    Condolences and sympathies, bassturtle.
  12. I am sincerely sorry to hear of your loss. The interesting thing is that this happens a lot more often than most folks realize, it's just not talked about very much.

    My ex miscarried at 39 weeks. She had to have a c-section to remove the dead fetus (Man -- after 14 years, it was still hard to type that.)

    I would suggest option 1. I would also suggest that afterwards, the two of you have some counseling so you can talk about it and get your feelings out in the open so you can deal with them.

    If it's any consolation, two years later, we were blessed with a perfectly healthy son.

    Believe me when I tell you that I understand how tough it is right now but it will get better -- I promise.

    In the meantime, hang in there.
  13. bassturtle


    Apr 9, 2004
    Thanks for all the support, guys. We're hanging in there, but it's hard. I think if maybe we didn't have several ultrasound pictures of the baby, it might somehow be easier....I don't know. The support from our friends and family has been amazing. She had to see another ultrasound image of the baby today when they found out she had miscarried - only this time, there was no heart beat. So, I've just been trying to keep her occupied until tomorrow morning. Anytime she stops to think about it, it breaks her heart and mine as well.

    Right now, I'm just kind of in 'go' mode. Now that the baby is gone, my concern is for my wife's health. I'm sure things will sink in more after I know my wife is fine.

    Thanks for the info on our options. Like I said before, I think the D and C will be what we go with unless the doctor has some reason that he'd prefer for her to deliver it - and from what you guys said, our plan is solid. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow.
  14. I just looked at your profile, bassturtle, and you're only a year and a half older than I am! I can't imagine going through something like this right now...I feel so callow. My heart goes out to you and your wife.
  15. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Oh my, how sad. My best friend from high school and his wife dealt with this a couple times. The details are rather gory, so I better not go into them. Brings a tear to my eye to think about it.

  16. Mike Money

    Mike Money In Memoriam

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    My mom opted for the first one. I wasn't even a sperm yet, so I don't have any feelings on it...

    My friend's mom did miscarry recently, it was awful.

    Sorry, broham. :(
  17. bigbeefdog

    bigbeefdog Who let the dogs in?

    Jul 7, 2003
    Mandeville, LA
    Sorry to hear, man. I also think Option 1 seems best.

    My wife had two miscarriages, although both were not quite as far along (neither required surgery, they were just "spontaneous"). What surprised me was the large number of folks who said to me, as they expressed their condolences, "us too".

    It seems to be something that isn't talked about very much, but is far more common that it appears on the surface. Almost all of my good friends who have kids have gone through at least one miscarriage in the course of having those kids - I can only think of one who didn't.

    Childbirth is not the automatic, easy thing that it seems to be. Support your wife through this, and try again. It'll work out when nature gets it right.
  18. Eric Cioe

    Eric Cioe

    Jun 4, 2001
    Missoula, MT
    Yeah dude. Number 1 seems like by far the better option.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I'm only 18, but I can't imagine, in seven or ten years or whenever, having this happen. Be strong for your wife.
  19. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    While I'm not a fan of counseling, it would be wise in this circumstance. You need professional advice, both medically and phychologically. Sorry for your loss.

    BTW, I wouldn't tell her you shared this on a public internet forum. She might not be ready for that yet.
  20. bassturtle


    Apr 9, 2004
    Just got back from the Docs. We're going with the D and C. It seemed like he was leaning towards option number two, just because it's more of a natural process rather than surgical. I left the choice up her, but the thought of actually being in labor for a child that is already dead is just too much for her to handle. The doc said that the birthing process could take up to 20+ hours. I'm glad we're going with the D and C.

    For anyone who prays, I'd ask that you throw one up for us tomorrow at 7am cst - that's when the surgery is scheduled.

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