most pathetic audition you've seen or heard of

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by lordziros, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. Singer/Frontman?

    69 vote(s)
  2. Lead Guitarist?

    12 vote(s)
  3. Rhythm Guitarist?

    8 vote(s)
  4. Drummer?

    43 vote(s)
  5. Bassist?

    16 vote(s)
  6. Carrotman

    18 vote(s)
  1. lordziros


    May 10, 2011
    easton pa
    like the title says what is the most pathetic audition you've seen or heard about. did the guy come to the audition and ask to borrow an instrument? stuff like that
  2. Vakmere


    Sep 6, 2007
    Last night I called a girl (woman) from craigs list needing a bass player. Her ad stated they're a hard rock band and have gigs. Turns out she has no PAYING gigs, only has a drummer, no vocals, admitted to not knowing the names of chords or strings for that matter and in the same breath states she's a song writer. Also said bass players never come back after meeting up with her. I can see why. Red flag city here. I told her thanks but no thanks and while you're at it, modify the CR ad to state you have nothing to offer other than Pepsi and potato chips.
  3. lordziros


    May 10, 2011
    easton pa
    thats pretty bad dude
  4. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    Quite a few years ago we had a hot shot guitar player show up to audition for our classic rock cover band. He said he kind of knew the songs we asked him to know for the the try out (did not) then wanted to argue with the drummer and guitarist on how we played them.
    He wasnt getting anywhere and then wanted to play songs he knew and could sing. We told hime to leave..major attitiude.
  5. aztomr


    Oct 5, 2010
    A year or so ago, we auditioned a drummer( we go through drummers) who stated he had 30+ years experience. He played an electronic kit, I've played with a couple guys who played electronic and both had trouble keeping the beat. Anyway, this guy responds to our ad, speaks of decades of experience, hundreds of originals,etc.. we played for 45 minutes or so and dude has to pee. While hes in the bathroom,the guitar player tells me he thinks the guy is watching me for the beat. Sure enough I can speed him up or slow him down and he never notices. On one song, the guitarist has to look away to keep from laughing because I had the tempo going like a yo yo. At the end of the song, the drummer says we really kicked *ss on that song. At the end of the audition, he grabs a guitar and plays several "originals", all of which have new lyrics over very recognizable songs. The guy still calls me every six weeks or so to see if we want to play.....:bassist:
  6. gustobassman

    gustobassman Mime is money Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2011
    Sandy Eggo
    A few years back i needed a drummer for an original project and went through CL. Was a basic ad, (high-energy rock drummer, able to improvise, solid meter, under 35 etc..) and the first guy to audition was so far off from what we listed. He said he could play multiple styles, but he only played one beat through every jam we tried. he couldn't play for longer than maybe 2 minutes without taking a break. best part, he was obviously 55+ but tried really hard to convince us he was 34.. yeah, picture that.
  7. dbhokie


    Nov 1, 2010
    Was she hot? Perhaps she could have offered something else.
  8. jnuts1


    Nov 13, 2007
    Dude shows up to sing wearing leather pants, his chick is also wearing leather but you can't tell where the leather stops & skin begins. he tells us that the Police are for men who like other men & we were ladies for liking them. wanted to only do Zep but did NOT have the voice. done & done with him

    talking to this guy about doing some Talking Heads type stuff. tells me he has a bunch of originals & so on. so i show up & he does not know how to play anything he has no lyrics & can't sing. and they sound nothing like the Talking Heads. couldn't get out fast enough.

    guitar shows up with the worst looking rig i have ever seen. sounds about the same too. i asked him to learn Cissy Strut, Europa, & It's your Thing. he knew one lick from Europa & played it through every key change. i didn't think it was possible to destroy Cissy like he did & i never let him play the last one
  9. raybone


    Jul 14, 2006
    A.C Jersey
    Had a drummer show up and but never heard him play. He walked in, took a wiff of the ambient mother nature haze that was enjoyed way before he showed up, and then we watched his face turn to stone. He was a cop/part time drummer and proceeded to try to search our place. Luckily he walked to his car for whatever he needed, and we locked the door behind him. He went away, but the paranoia... yeah that stayed a while.
  10. Evil Undead

    Evil Undead

    Oct 31, 2009
    Ohhhhhhhhh ****!
  11. hbarcat

    hbarcat Supporting Member

    Aug 24, 2006
    Rochelle, Illinois
    We auditioned a guitar player who brought a Les Paul, Marshall all-tube half stack and a pedalboard full of FX. Since we provided him with an extensive song list of the metal tunes we covered and he told us that he could play pretty much everything on the list we expected that he at least knew how to play the guitar. :eyebrow:

    When we started playing the first song, it became apparent that he was completely lost. Calling out the chords to him didn't seem to help. The next song was the same story as he seemed to be banging out random noises on his guitar with piles and piles of FX so we couldn't even tell what chords he was supposedly playing. Watching his hands on the fretboard confirmed that he had no idea what an actual chord was - he wasn't even playing basic power chords. :rollno:

    By this time I was genuinely curious if the guy could actually play something so I asked him if he could show us his "best song". He couldn't think of anything to play at all. :scowl:

  12. Had a drummer come to a fill-in audition with no kit, no stool, 3 different sticks and an attitude I wouldn't expect from Lars Ulrich!

    Had a guitarist come in to a short 3 song audition where WE were asked to learn Sweet Child (not on our list) for it. So we did. He shows up with new everything - new guitar, amp, pedals, and a hot chic in tow. We play the 2 songs that were on our list and he couldn't play them, so we go to Sweet Child.

    He nails the intro and verses but starts wrestling with his pedals and gets nervous and starts making mistakes. We start over. Same problem with the pedals except this time we keep going as we would at a gig (normal practice routine for us).

    Halfway through this dude just packs up, grabs his gear and chic, and leaves the rest of us jamming Sweet Child without lead.

    I have blocked every bad singer audition from memory so can't regale you with those tales :D
  13. I had this drummer come for an audition without sticks. He had a nice set and seemed to know what he was talking about. We loaded up in his car and drive to three places looking for sticks (GC was closed...) and he finally found some at his sisters house. Turns out they were child sized sticks... Anyway, get back to my place and jam for about 20 mind because I had to head to work, turns out he is the best drummer I've ever played with, and turned into one of my closest friends.
  14. Auditioning muso's for cover bands I learned early on to carry spares like drum sticks, picks, strings etc. As well as my bass gear I now also own a full drum kit, 2 guitars, a Marshall half stack, a keyboard and a vocal PA with 2 microphones! The guitars and stack have bailed out more jams/gigs than I remember! I really should look to hiring this stuff out though.
  15. bass_lord_mutha

    bass_lord_mutha Gold Supporting Member

    Oct 6, 2006
    Odessa, TX
    Quite a few zingers in there, hehe. Here's mine:

    Last year after the touring band I was in disbanded, I had made up some flyers for people looking for bass players and also looking at other people's flyers, and one came into the music store I work at and I answered it the same day. It was a pretty detailed ad and seemed like the guys in the band were serious about getting something started, so I gave them a call and met up with them a few days later after work. Off the bat, the lead player told me that the drummer had been called out for a job, so wouldn't be there for the audition. Not that big a deal for me, since alot of guys that work out here for the oil companies are on call alot. First red flag that came up was that the lead guitar player just pulled his LP out of the case and didn't even bother to tune it. Second red flag was that the other guitar player was an old oilfield worker who only knew old Waylon Jennings and Merle Haggard songs (nothing wrong with that, except that the ad I answered was supposed to be for a HARD ROCK band, so when the older guy wasn't playing Fool-Hearted Woman, the lead player was playing Sad But True). And the third and final red flag was that the singer showed up an hour later with his wife and when it came time to sing, he had to have her RIGHT NEXT TO HIM when he sang (that, and he was way too shy to be a lead singer). On top of all that, the 'audition' took place in the lead guitarist's living room while his wife was on the computer playing Farm Town.

    So I didn't join that band.
  16. We once auditioned a singer. When he entered our place he appeared to be very nervous, so we told him to be cool and asked him which song he'd like to sing. "Rocky mountain way".

    Ok, we started playing, he started singing in a very high-pitched voice and passed out after the 1st verse.

    We brought him back to conscioussnes by pouring cold beer over his head (only liquid available in our practiseroom).

    When the singer was on his feet again he told us he never sang before but always wanted to really really be in a band.

    Turns out he had a good hand with amps/lights/equipment so he became our tech/soundguy and a good friend through the years.
  17. tylerwylie


    Jan 5, 2008
    Roswell, GA
    Guaranteed lols here.... bahahah.
  18. My fave (now, 30 years later) was a guy called Don.

    I was putting a band together with a buddy who played drums; was gonna be a typical hard'ish Blues/Classic Rock band. Nothin' fancy - lotsa Stones/Doors/Creedence/Purple/Thorogood/AC-DC. Needed a typical pentatonic widdler, but decent, with a rock amp rig.

    The ad stated the usual must have own transport and good gear.

    Don shows up...

    on a bicycle...

    with an Alto Sax...

    He told us he brought the Sax along because he'd broken a string...

    on his acoustic guitar...

    The drummer and I were too stunned and disbelieving to just tell him to leave so we jammed a bit.

    You know those guys that say learn your instrument thoroughly and then forget it and just blow? Unfortunately Don forgot to do the first bit. It was indescribably bad.

    He couldn't believe we didn't want him in the band.
  20. He's right, you could get his a## fired for that.