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Music Dictionary for C&W Musicians

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Hambone, Feb 18, 2003.

  1. 12 Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with
    A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
    Aeolian Mode -- How you like Mama's cherry pie
    Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes" Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
    Bach Chorale -- The place behind the barn where you keep the horses
    Bass -- The things you run around in softball
    Bassoon -- Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when
    Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players
    Bossa Nova -- The car your foreman drives
    Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
    Cello -- The proper way to answer the phone
    Clarinet -- Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
    Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
    Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
    Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
    Cut Time -- Parole
    Cymbal -- What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with
    Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
    First Inversion -- Grandpa's battle group at Normandy
    French Horn -- Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m.
    Major Scale -- What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: "Damn! That was a major scale!"
    Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad
    Minor Third -- Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling
    Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
    Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
    Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
    Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
    Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
    Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see
    Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
    Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
    Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
    Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
    Ritard -- There's one in every family
    Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
    Staccato -- How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home
    Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
    Time Signature -- What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in
    Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
    Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but
    Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
    Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year

    Got this from the ProSoundWeb site.
  2. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    BTW, Garth and the boys would like to have a word with you! :eek:
  3. Well dang!, I was hopin' Faith Hill would come over to set me straight.
  4. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    That is classic. I love new jokes, and thems gooduns!