Music Dictionary for C&W Musicians

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Hambone, Feb 18, 2003.

  1. 12 Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with
    A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
    Aeolian Mode -- How you like Mama's cherry pie
    Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes" Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
    Bach Chorale -- The place behind the barn where you keep the horses
    Bass -- The things you run around in softball
    Bassoon -- Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when
    Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players
    Bossa Nova -- The car your foreman drives
    Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
    Cello -- The proper way to answer the phone
    Clarinet -- Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
    Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
    Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
    Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
    Cut Time -- Parole
    Cymbal -- What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with
    Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
    First Inversion -- Grandpa's battle group at Normandy
    French Horn -- Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m.
    Major Scale -- What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: "Damn! That was a major scale!"
    Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad
    Minor Third -- Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling
    Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
    Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
    Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
    Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
    Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
    Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see
    Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
    Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
    Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
    Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
    Ritard -- There's one in every family
    Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
    Staccato -- How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home
    Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
    Time Signature -- What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in
    Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
    Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but
    Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
    Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year

    Got this from the ProSoundWeb site.
  2. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    BTW, Garth and the boys would like to have a word with you! :eek:
  3. Well dang!, I was hopin' Faith Hill would come over to set me straight.
  4. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    That is classic. I love new jokes, and thems gooduns!