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Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country Musicians

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by Chris Fitzgerald, Jul 19, 2003.


  1. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY
    Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country-Western Musicians, With Their
    Translated "Country" Definitions:

    Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
    Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
    Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
    Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
    Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players
    Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
    Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
    Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but
    Bass -- The things you run around in softball
    Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see
    Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
    Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
    Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
    A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
    Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
    Cut Time -- Parole
    Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
    Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
    Middle C -- The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low
    Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
    Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
    Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
    Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year
    Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
    Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
    Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes," or "Dori-toes"
    Minor Third -- Your approximate grade at the completion of formal schooling
    Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad
    12-Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with
    Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
    Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
    Clarinet -- Name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
    Trill -- What's usually found on Blueberry Hill
     
  2. Mike N

    Mike N Missing the old TB

    Jan 28, 2001
    New York
    Thats great, Chris! :D
     
  3. Uh..Durrl: It takes one to know one.
     
  4. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY

    No kidding. It's a beautiful thing when all you have to do is publish your vocabulary list, and everyone thinks you're funny...
     
  5. mchildree

    mchildree Supporting Member

    Sep 4, 2000
    AL/GA
    This from a fella who lives in a state where duct tape is considered "chrome" :D
     
  6. James Hart

    James Hart

    Feb 1, 2002
    toms_river.nj.us
    Endorsing Artist: see profile
    I lived in KY for 5 months in the mid 90's... great state to call home, but I'm still amazed how many times you can be cut off in 50 mph traffic by tabacco trucks doing 20mph.

    it's like they exist in some seperate plane and reckon if'n they ignore us, we'll get out of the damned way!
     
  7. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY

    ...and I bet you learned to spell "tobacco" right here in the bluegrass as well. :)
     
  8. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY

    Actually, only the silver kind is called "chrome"...the black kind is called, "replacement windows", placing it on an equal footing with lawn bags around these here parts.
     
  9. James Hart

    James Hart

    Feb 1, 2002
    toms_river.nj.us
    Endorsing Artist: see profile
    :D learned that here in Joisey, I did!
     
  10. Thanks alot spedding.
    Nobody I know, NOBODY says "Joisey".
    Then you come along.
    Correction. There are people here who say "Joisey." Then you find they moved here from "Noo Yawk."
     
  11. John Sprague

    John Sprague Sam Shen's US Distributor

    Mar 10, 2003
    Rochester, NY
    Sales Manager, CSC Products Inc.
    I just got back from the NAMM show in Nashville, and I really needed this laugh! :D I like visiting down there, but after a week I'm all southed out. :p

    Saw a good southern T-shirt down there, it said:
    Reintarnation: What happens to you if you die and come back a hillbilly.
     
  12. James Hart

    James Hart

    Feb 1, 2002
    toms_river.nj.us
    Endorsing Artist: see profile
    :cool: well I am living 'Down the Shore' for the last 10 years or so.... Benny's are generally fron NYC, Jersey City or Philly :rolleyes:

    (I grew up in Sussex County minutes from both the NY & PA borders... no one I knew said Joisey either ;) )
     
  13. I spent alot of years at Beaver Lake, Franklin, Ogdensburg; swam in the quarries in Hardyston. As a kid, attended a "christening" at Lake Mohawk of a full blooded native American baby, both families in full feather dress. Nobody there said "Joisey."
    So when *ssholes who've never beem here do "what exit?" jokes, my eyes glaze over.
     
  14. James Hart

    James Hart

    Feb 1, 2002
    toms_river.nj.us
    Endorsing Artist: see profile
    Very cool! I spent most all of my growing years in Ogdensburg. Spent many moonlit nights hanging out on Lake Mohawk (the private yuppy lake community when I left the area 10 years back). My High School was in Hamburg and was full of friends from Hamburg, Hardyston, Franklin and Ogdensburg... my folks bought a few acres in Lafayette years back and I moved down the shore.

    Sorry to ruffle your feathers... but the more 'what exit are you from?' people think, the less they'll be visiting and destroying my town ;)

    BTW: I'm from GSP exit 82 :bassist:
     
  15. Bump: this is cool. Laughed my a$$ off. :D
     
  16. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member

    I grew up in the County of Sussex, minutes from the sea - well the English Channel!! ;)